This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2008-01-23 10:32:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Within a Moment...

I heard your voice just now on the chilled wavering wind-song of autumn as trees weep their leaves to lay amidst mountain’s crumbling bones along the water’s deckled edge you spoke words lapping gently against the icy mantle of a dormant heart, then tides stole my tears fear swept away on the cool night currents of yearning your body spoke to me in rhythm while moonlight walked across the ocean’s silver skin and frothy fingers tantalized my shore at that moment; in the deep water of your eyes I saw everywhere I’d been as my mouth pushed out its breath and I submerged drifting into dreamy depths until stars finish their stroll across the heavens, and nearing dawn bears away the small hours sunlight slowly seducing the sky I felt your touch just now pressed upon butterfly wings afloat on morning mists besprent with light, and stained-glass reflections of your smile paint summer in my soul ~

Copyright © January 2008 Mary J Coffman

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-01-31 08:10:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Beautifully written as your words flow so do the emotions, images, and beauty of it all.....perhaps a most difficult piece to write yet so uplifting to the capture it all like you did is wonderful. Thanks for posting, spring, summer, fall or winter seasons they are always within our hearts to stay.......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2008-01-28 23:56:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Mary, What a marvelous, intriguing, and tantalizing poem! I could barely catch my breath as I read it over and over. I was so deeply touched by the nature that bears the soul from the depths of this time of love. You were able to bring out the passion in the essence of expressions with each stanza. Drawing out each line separated by a short “shape” brings this reader to only hope to find the next. This is wonderful and it touched my very soul. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece! My very best, Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-01-28 17:34:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Mary.....this poem is so beautiful that it is almost heart wrenching. It is extremely difficult to write a poem about love as it has all been said before in one way or the other. What you have accomplished here is fresh and new. You found a way of saying what all those poems before, have said but with new words and phrases that are delicious. You have created some wonderful images with your pen. This piece will stand the test of time and it is one I will read again and again.....brava! Blessings....marilyn p.s. I hope you are feeling better...let me know.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-01-26 22:13:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, you have a preponderantly beautiful way with poetic language. Turning phrases is one thing, but to blend so beautifully this into flowing imagery is extremely rare. And you do it over and over again. I've always been impressed with the lovely sensuality of virtually everything you've submitted, but these other gifts are by far more impressive. Such a poem as this makes me want to critique a bunch more just to have the clout to make my votes for this one count. Clearly this one is my favorite of any over the last months. The ending lines, "paint summer/in my soul" ultimately suit the tone with elegance. Assonance and illiteration in the lines of, "...chilled wavering wind song", "as trees weep their leaves", "sunlight slowly seducing the sky" are wonderful highlights to this superb poem. Thought provoking lines like, "nearing dawn bears away the small hours" slightly removed from the tone of the rest of the poem, still add depth. It is successful in every way and a joy to read. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-01-26 00:32:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Mary Coffman, This is perfectly lovely. It rang clean, clear, and sweetly. In my humble estimation. Sensual, sexual but not overdone. Tides stole my tears fear swept away on the cool night currents of yearning your body spoke to me in rhythm while moonlight walked It was relate-able too. I enjoyed this, experienced this fully...... Very good job! Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-01-25 11:48:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
This is delicious in all ways although it lends a sadness, something close to resolve as when one watches a candle dwindle down to it's last flicker. Not a swan song, more as a transition and the rememberance of this visit, something to carry with until the next time. I've racked my brain to find a favorite line but alas I can not, by now you know that I am a fan and your tight wrapped present does not allow for anything to be seperated out without corrupting the overall gift. You always send my mind to the canvas, to splash color and whispers of dreams, nuiances of mists and things that have been and yet still are if only different. Thank you for sharing this remarkable write and keep them coming... You are starting a collection I hope... Best always, Lora
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