This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2008-04-09 23:54:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Infidelity My distance resides in the shallow waters
of yesterdays indecision's.
Your touch cannot consumate
what my words cannot transmute
into light
into being
into us.
I place my demise upon your lips for safe keeping
and watch the shadows of courage burn into nothing,
as the dawn embraces the falibility of youth. |
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Copyright © April 2008 Audrey R Donegan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-05-03 18:40:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Audrey,
I like this......
I'm unsure who was the infidel. [love that word]
I like the dawn embracing fallibility [fallibility] of youth.
This all rings true with me.
good job.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-04-18 08:19:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Welcome poet and thank you for posting this easy flowing piece. I might suggest though that you use spell check as we cannot change the error once it is posted. So easy for those typos to appear. Still your words bring forth emotions, images and what it takes to complete the poem. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcus J On Date: 2008-04-10 13:53:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Audrey, I believe your poem submissions thus far are sharing the same theme. I love the form. And once gain your opening line is poetic, but straight away I see a grammatical error in the second line which is most likely a typo, but never the less distracting. The same can be said for line 3 in respect to typo (consummate). Ditto line 10: (fallibility). You’re typing to fast, dear.
Now I go back and read it as if for the first time and ignore the typos and what I read is a nicely executed poem. I usually don’t point out typos, but I have to wonder here if this was some sort of test. Either way, nice poem. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Mark M
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