This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-11-04 00:04:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Autumn Tambourines
Traveling down this long road,
Flipping pages through my mind.
The Autumn breeze blows through the trees,
Shaking the leaves like a thousand tambourines.
I watch the sun reflect off of gold hues
In front of me,
And I feel complete.
Into it's beauty I rest.
Spellbound by the enchanting view.
The hymns of angels serenade around this sight,
And I move on from this into the night.
The pages still flipping the night air is cool,
While I take a dip into the mysterious pool
Of life.
|
|
Copyright © November 2008 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Old post - Nov. 2004 - minimum changes.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-12-07 15:49:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
DeniMari,
Thank God for nature. It is a great healer.
Memories flipping like pages of your existence through the air, a dip into mystery and lifes
passion.
Nice...more......
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-12-05 00:04:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Old post perhaps yet well worth the reposting......the title Autumn Tamborines and the opening stanza certainly do bring this piece to life......the second stanza just continues to add to the read, the images are beautiful and the feelings complete....nice closing as well. I live in the woods and there is so much to listen to, to hear as the wind does dance through the trees.....soon winter snowfall will blanket our region and more animals will come out of the dark seeking food to eat......nice poem....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-11-08 01:05:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
What stood out in this peiece -
1. the shaking of leaves compared to a thousand tambourines (very fresh image, nice sonics)
2. dip into the mysterious pool of life
I was wondering if you are working with a rhyme structure in particular coz i hear a lot of 'ee' sounds in verse one and then 'ight' in verse two...this, i feel is an area where you might want to give this a little more structure...taking a cue from the brilliant 'thousand tamourines' line, I would also recommend weaving in a few more strong imgaes of this calibre.
Hope all is well and please dont leave...and reconsider :-)
Duane.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!