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This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-05-15 23:50:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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In Shedding

Dry mouthed heaving plunderer Of a chest cavityâ€™s bounty Too triumphant over nothing More taken than pain Unknowing what breath next Drawn will come easy In the moment lost to hour Just laid aside like Snake skin upon a bush

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-06-02 17:23:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
James, I can't figure out what this is about. It sounds nice..... The dry mouthed plunderer is what? man/snake/soldier? I like this bit, but what does all this mean? Sorry I'm at a loss. In the moment lost to hour Just laid aside like Snake skin upon a bush Help! Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-05-16 23:36:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello James, Very interesting. If I've understood correctly this poem has to do with the shortness of breath - more specifically, lung or heart trouble. I like how this poem flowed from the 'dry mouthed plunderer' to the image of the 'snake skin upon a bush'. Great piece. Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-05-16 13:02:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
May is going to be a great month here. JC, have you been peeking in my window? (Smile) This is one of your best; and I can not interject anything that would enhance this write - Truly poetic - especially the end "Snake skin upon a bush".....This has a spiritual tone to it; if you've realized that or not - in abstract words you've touched on life - emotions; feelings - Love the line: In the moment lost to hour...so true - Good luck; because now I have another to add to my list..... blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-05-16 07:55:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Where to start...you've set my brain on fire with a myriad of thoughts; from the life of a soldier, to the literest, to perceptions of our more mature fellow beings. In the end, after all that has been put forth are there any true triumphants or are they illusions, does anyone really percieve the accomplishments or understand even the smallest victory and in turn is it cast off with little or no acknowledgement. In the final hour does it all sum up to a moment or are all the moments tallied... I know I'm going to be reading this many more times and in that; you've done your job well for this is not a write to be brushed aside or will it be easily forgotten.. it is one of those that will stick in mind, be replayed and rethought many times.. Kudos TC Lora

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