This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-11-16 19:33:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Weathered Times A border between hopes and dreams exists
few only admit doesn't to the eye persist
But to heart never dies, even ne'er declines
while time only adds to the longing it defines.
Can we forget the softness, sweetness to hold
some supple waist?
To feel slight quiver from a tongue run from
breast to salty taste?
To know I matter by what I arouse undenying
shown in what you cannot explain.
Were the poet only left with thought, could time
not grant one moment to a weathered cheek
dipped in your dew? |
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Copyright © November 2009 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2009-11-21 22:59:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
"To feel slight quiver from a tongue run from
breast to salty taste?" Very sensual indeed,that is why I used this in my poem as you read..something about salty and tongue that hits the spot. I really like your title as well and how you placed "weathered and dew" in the last stanza of your piece. "To know I matter by what I arouse undenying
shown in what you cannot explain." I know exactly where you are coming from here in this line for I have lived this and is what sparked the writing of "coming of rain". I really feel a connecting between the two poems and think it is really special. Enjoyed and related your words James.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2009-11-18 16:27:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello James,
When I read this poem, for the first time, I did not give the words justice. I could not feel the cadence in the uneven lines so I moved on. However, today I read it again, slowly this time and felt the cadence like you meant it to be felt. It is a sensual poem that is almost erotic, especially in the last four lines. A lover's plea that is not lost on this reader. I ask myself why would any woman not desire a weathered cheek? They are the most accomplished, you know.
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-11-17 07:46:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi JC,
Your poem touched my heart in different ways. I feel the passion you've instilled in it, mixed with regret or perhaps a reflection back on something one might never have again. The first verse is powerful, with the line,
"But to heart never dies, even ne'er declines," tells me that love, and passion are always welcomed yet is not receiving the pleasure between two, and this is where I paused with the line "shown in what you cannot explain."
The reader can take for granted the other person does not want to give, but it's not clearly written out so I'm guessing on that.
I love the ending, "weathered cheek dipped in your dew", a kiss, a simple kiss would make the difference.
On my list for November, thanks so much for sharing this,
blessings,
Deni
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