This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-01-18 19:17:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Swaying like a pendulum  Back and forth on the tree limb A girl in pinafore and bonnet  Swings by the breath of the wind She holds firmly to the ropes  Stormy weather doesn’t prevent  The movement and to and fro push  Of nature's seasonal venting    Time was when she was new  Set fresh, bright painted and unproven Years have since settled around  Like a midriff upon a matron Bearing each storm with patience  She maintains her dominion Her colors faded from bright to pastel  Her essence coolly hushed The tree once tender and green  Now mature after the years Ever her ally and companion  Poised as means for her existence

Copyright © January 2010 Dellena Rovito

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-02-03 21:30:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, One of your best. Very nice. I like how you have established the innocence of the relationship 'man' shares with his environment. In this case, the tree. Some nice imagery and noticeable attention to form. You created a very vivid setting. Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-26 20:31:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, I really like this poem. It is such a fresh way of looking at life, at existence, of time. Wonderful verbiage that adds such a bright profussion of colored images, nice eye candy in snap shot vigenettes. A few suggestions if I may, use or loose them: Swaying like a pendulum Back and forth on the tree limb A girl in pinafore and bonnet Swings by the breath of [the-delete] wind She holds firmly to the ropes Stormy weather doesn’t prevent [The-delete] movement[,] [and-delete] to and fro[,] push [Of-delete] nature's seasonal venting Time was when she was new Set fresh, bright painted and unproven Years have [since-delete] settled around [Like-as] a midriff upon a matron Bearing each storm with patience She maintains her dominion Her colors faded[,] [from-delete] bright to pastel Her essence coolly hushed The tree once tender[,] [and-delete] green Now mature after [the-delete] years Ever her ally and companion Poised as means for her existence Like I said, they are just suggestions you can use or loose. I really liked this poem just the same. Best always, Wadoh-- Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-21 16:40:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Dellena, I really like this poem and enjoyed reading it more than once. When I read the title I had no idea what to expect but it is perfect for the theme. When I was young (eons ago) I used to swing from everything I could reach and sometimes it didn't work out well. I like your word choices and flow of this free verse. I have one suggestion, in your line, "the movement and to and fro push" I think you could delete the first 'and' and use 'of' instead. So the line would be, "the movement of to and fro push" that would tighten up the line and prevent using the same word twice in one line. Or you could say, "the movement and the to, fro push" Just a suggestion for you to use or lose. However, it no way detracts from this lovely poem. Well done, Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-19 23:23:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Hi Dellena - the title captured my attention, glad to hear you're on the mend, and back to writing. There is great imagery in this; I love the line: Like a midriff upon a matron. This woman, knows the ropes and holds on tight, she is wise in years and has learned patience; a virtue to be held in high regard. I enjoyed your poem from the title throughout. On my list, blessings, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-19 12:46:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Oh, this is good, my dear and so personally gratifying to my hopes of any contest. This has parallelism, subtlety, where imagery is easliy visioned in the mind. What an interesting euphemism you've made of "whirligig"! The ending line, with those before it, of the fourth verse, "Her essence cool(l)y hushed" is as lovely as the petal of a rose dropping on water. A beautiful and worthy entry into our contest. JCH
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