This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-03-28 16:38:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Two Here There are two, here among us
at eventide, twilight in solace
Taken up in passion, then adrift
in yearning to have been
softer spoken.
Heated by thoughts to rectify
ennobled by self-doubts plied
To strike when the iron was hot
yet upset with another's boat
Cast lightly by unwavering
thought.
Mistake not the fleeting shadow
made upon inner discord
With rhyme or reason of other things. |
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Copyright © March 2010 James C. Horak
Additional Notes:
A word to the wise..
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2010-04-03 11:26:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A really lovely poem, introspective and showing care. As usual with your poetry, non-determinant enough to speak to several situations. The lines-"Mistake not the fleeting shadow/ made upon inner discord/ With rhyme or reason of other things", I've put on the top of my notes as a everyday reminder to self.
In the middle stanza, the 'iron' and the 'boat' seem to not go together, kind of a mixed metaphor losing intensity of meaning by relating two things unrelated and while the meaning isn't diminished, I think the poetry of it is.
Now the title,"Two Here", I would appreciate more interpretation of. Ground it just a little, if you wouldn't mind doing so. Thanks for a very good poem.
Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2010-04-01 15:25:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
JCH,
Yes, it's good to stop and think. This is a good poem to stick on a refrigerator door. The last stanza is exceedingly wise, timeless, and should be memorized and recited daily, like a prayer.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-03-31 17:57:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James,
Sounds like lovers parting.
Lovely to be together but heavy with baggage.
Neither willing to change.
You leave this open to many interpretations.
I like that type.
A bit slower this month but still we are progressing.
You are a winner!
Good job!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-03-31 03:07:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi JC, not completely sure of the message in this poem. I read it a few times and it can vary on meaning.
It could actually be a poem about a couple in a relationship - but your note tells me different. Is this a poem about the site? That could be a good guess considering your choice of words, and how carefully they've been placed -
A lot of imagination was put into this poem. Subtle yet defining at the same time.
Going to add it to my list,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-03-30 15:44:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
An interesting treatise. My guess would be more than two, but the acumen of your verse leaves one to deduce, from the clues, who those might be.
My guess is that boat rocking went out with the sixties and that it has become far more a “manual drill†exercise that threatens us all. Probably, when queried, those in response would say, swimming is good exercise or brings a snorkel and look at the fish now available for viewing.
I liked this piece. There was sufficient meat to go with the potatoes, or jelly with the peanut butter? I didn’t think I was, but probably, I am on somebody’s list.
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