This Poem was Submitted By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2003-10-15 09:48:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Cycles (Diamante)

                                         Sun                                    Bright, radiant                             Burning, blinding, glowing                             Solar, Star, lunar, satellite                              Waxing, waning, shining                                 Luminous, celestial                                       Moon

Copyright © October 2003 Dan D Lavigne

Additional Notes:
This is my first attempt at the diamante form. I thought it was kind of neat so I wanted to give it a try. Hope you all enjoy!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-28 12:52:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Dear Dan, I love the waxing waning lines. Its fun the way this form pushes the poet. Very clever. Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-23 00:40:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
Hi Dan, Thanks for introducing this unique format to us Dan! I thought “Diamante” is part of your poem, like a “place” or “pseudo name” but after reading Joanne’s addendum, I was able to understand what you want to deliver here. :) “Diamante” is a wonderful format, I find it very playful…this is usually for poets who are wordy and creative…and so far you have achieved what the format requires. Thanks for posting this to TPL…at least there are other formats and structure that we can play around. You added new spice to the site! Comparing the “Sun” and “Moon” is a good subject/s and a clever idea. I also like your simple but striking title “Cycle”. It is like comparing the “king” and “queen” of the firmaments. The strong and powerful character of the “sun” is described in your words “bright”, “radiant”, “burning”, “blinding” and “glowing” while the exotic beauty of the “moon” is expressed in your words “luminous”, “celestial”, “waxing”, “waning” and “shining”. I find “solar” and “star” the dominant character of the sun while “lunar” and “satellite” equally the same for the moon. Perfect choice of words! In such a short poem, your words were able to complete it! Kudos on your fine work here Dan! You have brought the site with a new sensation…and look the influence it brought to us. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-21 18:58:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
not sure about this kind of form but from what I see it shows me you might have created a diamond.....well done too......and from what I further read your beat and counts are just fine as well.....actually poet I think you have done a really great job at your first attempt at this form and I congratulate you on it.....I have no idea what to do should I even attempt it......each word reflects the other.......amazing...thanks for posting and sharing this.....eager to receive your reply and perhaps you might tell me where I am wrong in my critique.......but I certainly did enjoy. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gary A Wilmot On Date: 2003-10-19 08:39:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
The simplicity of single words.I like how you have shown in this form that concise language can be very descriptive.We poets try to express all that we see in the depths of our poetic sight,rarely able to put those true depths into words.This poem shows that a single word can sometimes suffice for expression.From the bright potential of a sunny morn to the mysterious and pensive night of full moon,you have painted a portrait of the cycle of a single day.One might read between the lines,and see the never ending cycle of life,in all it's beauty and mystery,captured within the confines of 16 simple words.I shows that you don't always need to use lengthy,flowery description to express the beauty of nature.Very well done.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-10-16 20:35:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi Dan: I would have sent you my comments sooner - but you got me started on a project! <smile> I enjoyed your diamate so much, I looked up rules for the form and began writing them. I ought to apologize for writing some of my own before commenting on yours, but you have heard that old saying that 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' I imagine. <smile> I absolutely love your poem, as it not only is something new to me, but you write on a theme which is dear to my heart. I adore all things astronomical, and you have done a sublime job within the form of giving both a 'solar' and 'lunar' portrait that is as intense as it is brief and eye-catching. I especially enjoyed the line "waxing, waning, shining" as you moved from solar to lunar. It is deliciously lovely! Since this is your first attempt, I am anticipating viewing what you may do next with this form. Terrific job! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-10-15 16:43:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Okay, I don't usually like these form poems but you did some good things with this one so I wanted to let you know what works. 1.The alliteration or repitition of consonant sounds that you use through out the poem adds power and aural interest. 2. You use a lot of really strong verbs burning,blinding, glowing, etc. These strong verbs give the poem a powerful dynamic quality. 3. Going from sun to moon is a great journey and that journer is made on the back of those verbs. Great job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-15 11:50:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.80000
Dan--pretty good 'diamond'--smile. I don't think you left out many pertinent descriptors for the activities of these two particular 'spheres'. You've included several things they have in common as well as things they do not (waxing or growing and waning or shrinking can only be said of the moon). 'Burning' is solely a sun job. Great first effort--I may have to try one myself. Thanks for sharing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-15 11:38:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Diamante? Oh, this is something unique, Dan! I like this one this playful and of course entertaining! Only this time that I discovered this structure of poem! I've been writing for 2 years, though. Let me research first the meaning of diamante.... Oh, yeah, I got it now! It is a diamond-shaped poem with 7 lines. It is not particular of the syllables but let me itemize each line: LIne 1: Sun = 1 NOUN-A Line 2: Bright, radiant = 2 ADJECTIVES-A Line 3: Burning, blinding, glowing = 3 GERUNDS-A Line 4: Solar, Star, lunar, satellite = 2 NOUNS-A + 2 NOUNS-B LIne 5: Waxing, waning, shining = 3 GERUNDS-B Line 6: Luminous, celestial = 2 ADJECTIVES-B LIne 7: Moon = 1 NOUN-A This is perfect! The first 3 lines are exclusive for group A which is speaking about the sun, the fourth is divided into two: 2 NOUNS for A + 2 NOUNS for B, and last 3 lines are for group B (speaking about the moon!) This kind of writing incorporates analytical thinking! Such a creative art is glittering to read, just like visualizing a real diamond. And this one really is exponentially high because your theme is glowing, radiant and shining just like a diamond! Thank you so much, Dan. I enjoyed it too much. I think I have to write one! Best regards, Jordan (you know, they also call me "dan" by my family but my friends call me jords or jordan.
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