This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-23 17:07:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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From Night to Morning

When heaven's web spins Luna's soft galaxy hands Weave a star bright path The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way As Aurora creeps above Mountaintops sun's zenith Warms and illumes the day

Copyright © October 2003 marilyn terwilleger

Additional Notes:
Just a thought

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-11-07 18:39:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: Much more than "just a thought." I believe you are reading Greek mythology as this is the second poem of yours replete with goddesses of same. I realize this is an 11th hour critique but your words caught my imagination and I wanted to comment. Your continual growth as a poet is stunning. Now you use so many diverse styles and themes, I'm not sure I'd recognize one of your pieces without your name attached. (A compliment). I don't believe you need "From" in the title as the idea would be conveyed without the preposition. "When heaven's web spins Luna's soft galaxy hands Weave a star-bright path." Nice internal rhyme of when/spin and pleasing assonance in galaxy/ weave. The personification of the goddess as weaver of starred paths is unique and original. "The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way." Nice allits with gives/glimmer with the continued personification of Luna's touching galaxies and causing more brightening. Again, Marilyn, crisp and fresh imagery. "As Aurora creeps above Mountaintops sun's zenith Warms and illumes the day." I especially like the word usage "illumes" and "day" in S3 does a back-rhyme with "way" in S2. Your allits: as/Aurora/above are contagious and your long E assonance in creeps/zenith/the are euphonic for this sound person here. A satisfying read, giving a new perspective on sunrise and the rising of the moon. A bit more attention given to moon than to sun which is great as who can resist Luna's spell? All my crits are brief (you know the reason) but I had to say how much I enjoyed your poem before the month officially ends. Kudos and kindest regards from Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-07 11:34:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Just a thought – but what a lovely thought When heaven's web spins Luna's soft galaxy hands Weave a star bright path Genteel, soft a and e syllables make this poem flow gently . Starlight The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way That something outside the Milky Way – heaven personified –is what is Glimmering is an amazing thought As Aurora creeps above Mountaintops sun's zenith Warms and illumes the day Indeed. This is what fine poetry does – soothes us into a dream-like reverie No suggestions for change in this fine piece. Thanks, Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-05 10:29:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41935
Your touch is very delicate here spining this poem as if it too is a web you are weaving. Your choice of words is obviously aimed to make this poem beautiful when read and to romancethe ear. I enjoyed this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-04 16:32:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56364
Hello Poet;.....and painter of the heavens as well, and such beauty you have created with the love of the stars that reach far into the night, the moon to lighten our night then turning into morning light as the sun rises in the East. BUT WAIT Now you take me even further into galazies I have never seen and beyond there as well.....the colors that are before my eyes are wonderful and the warmth that is felt as we travel on......The Milky Aurora which creeps above the mountaintop.....Lord how wonderful for you to bring forth from the lining of my heart the night I stepped out and found the heavens alive with colors like none ever seen before and how then hung down about touching the top of the trees before resting at peace......and they remained for quite some time as did I just gazing out and above......with young child in my arms I felt not her weight for the beauty created by God just over powered me and this reminds me so of it....thank you for this wonderful gift..0. Your own personal journey through the heavens has once again been brought to life and shared with those you so care for....thank you my friend, be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-30 10:28:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64516
Yes, Marilyn, just a very heartwarming thought! Your imagry here is acutely evident. As I read I am immediately thrust into space as I watch the weaving of this three D galaxy. Your use of soft "W"'s builds warmth as it goes, right to the end when it alights with yellow warmth for this reader. The use of personification brings this idea down to earth with ease. This poem is a good example of how less words can give more power and depth. I like the way you have captured these images in the readers mind with few, but image evoking words. There is also a comfort in these words. Night leads us into morning, Darkness into light. I like that thought. Thanks for an enjoyable read. A good way to start my morning! Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-26 23:22:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Hi Marilyn, Again, another splendid display of your talent in nature-inspired poetry-making. From the title itself “From Night to Morning”, the simplicity of its beauty already exudes. Yes, my visualization tells me a lot of images from the title alone! Playful and extravagant! “When heaven's web spins Luna's soft galaxy hands Weave a star bright path” --- These are “haiku treasures”. As always, your words are vibrant and accommodatingly pleasing! I find the use of “web spins” and “weave” very inter-related, appropriate and clever. You are very good in this Marilyn, on giving a different charisma in your “nature-inspired poetry”. Only you can do this! So original! “The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way” --- Continuously hypnotizing! “As Aurora creeps above Mountaintops sun's zenith Warms and illumes the day” --- Simple with great impact! Nice way to end your “wonderful thought”! Truly you write with your thought and heart…heart for nature. You eyes and “beyond observation” is truly interesting and enjoyable! Kudos on your inspiring work here Marilyn! Short but you were able to complete it all with elegance! Again, you never fail your audience to enjoy your “nature-poem” which is you are very expert at. Again, thanks for grazing the site with your talent! For me, this is a wonderful “thought”. Two-thumbs up! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2003-10-24 08:42:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
And a serene thought it is Marilyn. A soft warm summer night giving way to a bright morning. Perhaps you should re-submit this in February! Thanks for a nice meditative start to my morning.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-24 07:10:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86957
Hi Marilyn, Nice thought, comfort in the quiet night, turning to the dawn of a new day. For me thought a touch of Fantasia, lovely descriptives of the glory of a stars path (in essence a poem, but it is a wonderful way of describing romantically exactly what happen. The web, light gossmer, the descriptive in beautiful convayance of what all of us feel as we awaken to a new day. I often see pictures that illiminate the senses, and this poem does that for me. At first when I saw the title I wondered how you would artistically bring out the components of from night to morning, so many thoughts flowed through this mind, but I really like the picture you crafted so well. It grabbed my senses, actually you speak of the time of day that has always been pure gossmer to me, that quiet time of night, the feeling I always feel being insulated from the transpas of what happens during daylight, ever those first glows of morning have always offered me personally, that very quet comfort of times, to be myself, to think my thoughts ( stay up most night because I can't sleep, so I really identify with your poem. To me very comforting, very beautiful, with a quet charm, yet the cosmos is in full swings being me full cycle to deal with the normal reality of dealing in this society. I think I prefer this trip to the cosmos...wonderfully restful for me. Hope you're well, your writing is becoming so special you know, you've been a excellent student of the site, and have grown in leaps and bounds. Glad I'm hear to at least be able to comment, your poems, like Mell's, Joanne, Steven and just some example of the pinnicales of writing that attract a great readersip. Very, very nice Marilyn, glad you're around to artistically say what I sense and feel. Best always, Love, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-23 20:27:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.24242
Marilyn--"Just a thought", but what a great one! This short poem packs a large amount of factual and visual pleasing information. Metaphors are good; the rotations and orbits of the heavenly bodies creates your title (which is super). The rhymes between lines #5 and #8 are an extra added bounus. This flow and ebb is almost text book perfect! Thanks for a short, sweet and colorful quasi-astronomy lesson. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-23 20:15:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54167
Hi Marilyn, The imagery in this poem is lovely. While I think the absense of punctuation works for the poem in geneal, I wonder if having capital letters at the start of every line doesn't make it a little bit harder to "get" at once. That's a small mechanical change that might be made. The use of "Luna" and "Aurora" works to make the poem more personally interesting (I thought of Goddesses as well as moon and dawn.) For me the most beautiful lines are, The depth of her touch gives Glimmer to the Milky Way" What a lovely conceit! Thanks for this small glimpse of wonder, Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-23 19:42:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Marilyn, You are doing such nice things with the images of the natural this month. So, the glaxay is the Moon's soft hands? I like that imageso f softness. The gases in the distance always seem soft and billowy to me. I like the idea of star path and giving glimmer. I would love to give something glimmer. Mountaintops sun's zenith--this line is a bit awkward in the mouth--I know what you are saying but my tongue trips.. I would love you to give the sun its equal time or its own poem. Well done, J
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