This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-26 23:28:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 29 (Breeze)

Wind tickles the woods   As leaves giggle in pleasure Echoing the bliss

Copyright © October 2003 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-07 13:05:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Wind tickles the woods As leaves giggle in pleasure Echoing the bliss What a wonderful light and "breezy" poem - echoing the bliss - is a magnificent phrase and we can see the season arriving in a bright peasurable piece. Thank you for another excellent poem Erzahl. The "bliss" is also evocative of a higher power and so this piece connects us to nature the kind of spiritual way that is the intention of these forms. Best, Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2003-11-06 21:32:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Erzahl, I love the wind as it blows through the trees, as it is such a comforting have captured its essence! This one has visual and audio imagery which leaves me refreshed! Great job, Beck
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-11-06 13:22:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Dear E, I wonder what kind of woods are these? Evergreens? Banyan trees? Elms? Ceder? I think if the oak leaves would turn pleasure then that last line would really sing its bliss. The metaphir is a bit strong with giggle and I miss getting an exact look at the woods to think about. I like this catarogizing of the breeze as light hearted. Thanks as always, Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-11-03 18:20:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Erzahl, This is a charming haiku. The personified woods remind me of myself because I'm incredibly ticklish. I sense a little group of children in this one, happily engaged in a tickle-fight! The verbs "tickle" and "giggle" are childlike and energetic. Ending on "bliss" lets us know just how enjoyable is the sensation ... of tickling on a human level, and wind through leaves in the natural world. There's some very nice "s" sibilance running through the imagery, which suggests the soft breath of the wind and the gentle brushing of leaf against leaf. "Echoing" enlarges the dimensions of the action. I have a small poplar grove behind my house and the sound of their leaves is heavenly. This piece reminds me of what I miss, now that all the branches are bare. My Best, Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-11-03 14:02:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87879
Oh Erzahl, in this haiku you catch the fanciful pleasure of a wonderful sensation, the feeling sensation is completely captured in your selection and place of very descritive words, that literally make the leaves dance on the trees, the breeze rippling the body sensation not only of the wind tickling the trees (which by the way is so charming a turn of phrasing). With the haiki you bring out not only the visual images, but you personalize the trees, the leaves, the wind. It has to be the brightest, lightest and most honestly descriptive where you capture not only the format, but the presensation is excellent, leaving the reader to sit and imagine all those times of laying in the grass, and musing about these eartly wondoners, wondering is the trees, the leave the breeze feel, you just answered my questions with this wonder. Throughly enjoyable. On this rough day of being physically out of balance, you managed to nicely to capture a spirit of longing, for the brightness of those days past. You just encapsulated all my memories with this gem. It's absolutely wonderful, and you deserve Kudos on this one, you really do. My best regards, and I love it, I truly do....Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-27 18:57:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Erzahl, What a verse you have given us again! How I wish to have a skill like you? I mean how are you able to come up with the new concepts? You are really gifted, unbeatable in haiku form! Anyway, let me taste the delicacy you have prepared for us here? The special spice you have put in here is first of all, the personification. It is very lively and enlivining to put wind and leaves into action. It is throbbing with a special kind of energy that runs an inscrutable sinew through my body! The breeze is refreshing in itself but you made it evolve to a kind of exquisite refreshment through this verse. "Wind tickles the woods" is a new figurative language. Amazingly original! How powerful is the ability of the wind to tickle that even the hard object (the wood) is tickled to the max! Is it a young or an old wood? If that is the main wood (the stem), how much more the branches are tickled? Just kiddin'! By the way, alliteration of 'w' is remarkable in wind/woods. Good choice of wind and wood instead of maybe breeze and branches. Oh, breeze and branches also give an alliteration with 'b'! I can think of "Breeze tickles branches". Just a thought! As leaves giggle in pleasure...oh, what fun! The leaves are like friends in a joyful get-together! Fabulous! I can think of using foliage (Foliage giggles in pleasure?) Just a thought again! Echoing the bliss....the use of echoing is apt because it denotes a reflection of sound waves and of course leaves make sound. Once again, what a pleasure to have read your incredibly outstanding verse! Best regards, Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-27 18:32:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46341
Can you not feel the shivers as you read these three lines? Certainly as the breeze carreses your cheek you just have to know something is out there giggling in the woods .......great images projected here my friend, true to form as always.......wind tickles the wood........actually it does for if you take the time to look at a tree when the wind blows its branches move about as it dancing or even trying to avoid a certain touch......the soft sounds that escape from within are also a sure sound of the tickling that is going on......superbly done my friend and thank you for sharing once again with safe in your doings, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-10-27 12:30:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Dear Erzahl, Wow, I really like this one. I am starting to enjoy this form of poetry and may even try my hand myself. I like the tickles and the giggles and ending with bliss. All in all, just a lovely happy feeling haiku. thanks for sharing. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-10-27 11:58:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Erzal, over all this one works quite well more american that japanese but quite well done and with good imagery. I don't like the use of articles (a,an, the) in these poems as it is not traditionally done but that is a personal preference these days. For example I would change the woods to branches thus maintaining the syllable count and at the same time being more specific and getting rid of the article but that is up to you. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-27 10:43:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.59259
Dear Ezrahl, This could be my favorite of your beautiful, inspiring Haiku. Actually it would be too hard to choose a favorite, but this one has such promise. The image this congers up is so delightfully thought provoking. "Wind tickles the woods As leaves giggle in pleasure Echoing the bliss" This brings to mind the arms of God reaching down to hug the forrest in His sweet embrace, His lips planting a soft whispering kiss that lavishes love on all His creation , His sweet breath like a gentle breeze caressing all. Creation thrills with pleasure at His touch, shining His Glory for all to see. As usual, you say so much with so few words and again I am filled to overflowing. If a poet has ever been used to shine Gods Glory to the world, that poet is you. Thanks for this inspiration. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2003-10-27 08:30:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
One of your best Erzahl! If not THE best. If it wasn't raining today I'd leave work just to run into the woods. If you ever publish a book PLEASE let me know! I just love this one. I always like giving nature human qualities and emotions and boy have you done it here! Thanks for making my day!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-10-27 07:38:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Erzahl,, I do believe that this may be the best so far....No, that is not exactly true....there are others you have done that are as good or better, but this one tickled my fancy..HHEHEEEHHEEE!!! It echoes the bliss I feel when I look outside my window and see the lovely woods behind my house in this beautiful fall season..I have plenty of leaves giggling in pleasure as the wind whips them from their precarious places on the treelimbs. This haiku just moves along so smoothly that it is like butter melting in one's mouth. It is certainly about nature and leaves a pleasant taste in the mouth as the words are spoken aloud...You are certainly TPL's most adept Japanese verse writer...You have become our resident expert honoree on this kind of verse--and deservedly so...Simplicity is the key and you have certainly opened the door. I do hope you are considering a book of Japanese verse for publication...It would be a delight to see them all together between thepages of a book excellent synopsis of life in minimal words that flow like little memories ...They are easily memorized and kept in the reader's mind to bring out at appropriate moments.. The ability to do this form well, as you certainly have, shows a very serious ( yet joyous) philosophical view and a very spiritual soul blooming into words ...I enjoy your works tremendously.......drenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-27 02:07:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29268
Erzahl--Once again it's a pleasure to be exposed to your "forte". Your haiku makes my day. First the verses are always technically sound, i.e., 5,7,5 syllables 3 lines format and nature driven. This piece is no different in that regards. However, this one is full of metaphors (in fact one per line-smile). What a visual description; imagine the wind finding the woods funny spot and the leaves enjoying the scene ever so much? Thanks for sharing such a beautiful thought. TLW
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