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This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2003-11-17 18:38:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Be Silent

Be silent, for that is when you hear Wisdom of heaven and earth held dear Knowledge deep within the soul Comes quietly as we release control. Be silent, the voice inside will speak The truths desired for what we seek Say farewell to afflicting pasts They have ceased and now have passed. Be silent, for soon there will be ease Despair and pain snatched by a breeze Life so short we ask ahead All days complete with peace instead.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-12-01 08:01:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Hi Debbie, It’s nice to hear from you again Debbie! You know…I wouldn’t end the month without commenting this beautiful work you’ve done. Reading “Be Silent” made me speechless. This is awesome! The title “Be Silent” itself is already a winner. It has this solemn “commanding” feel to the readers…and I find it very effective! Plus technically, I enjoy the rhyming format you have disciplined your pen. I like the surrendering feeling of silence in the first stanza…on how the universe will guide our life during our calmness. In second stanza…on how our internal being speaks our long desires, if we are ready to listen with it? It encourages also on how to leave the shadows of the past. Your advise of saying “farewell” or goodbye is I believe, is one big step. I like your wonderful promise: “Despair and pain snatched by a breeze”. Lyrically done! I also like how your last stanza ends with hope yet with sense of reality…that life is short and we should take it worthwhile. Kudos on your inspiring piece of work Debbie! More of this please! Overall, I find this skillfully done! For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :) P.S. I like your font! :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2003-11-28 17:40:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Debbie, I always look for you're work, and this ones really good. It rhymes wonderfully and I like the clarity. Good going. Hope your well. You've come a longways. my best to you, dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-11-27 22:12:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Dear Debbie, Thank you my friend, you wrote this poem for me. You give me a lift. Love, Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-11-24 12:41:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Debbie- A peaceful well constructed three stanza rhymer. My only constructive criticism is to question the word order in this line: "They have ceased and now have passed." vs. "They have ceased and have now passed." Just feels and sounds better to my ear. Wondering about yours; if you considered it. Not a major complaint by any means. Well done. Nice feelings. Like a saying a grandmother would recite to her sleeping grandchild. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-23 16:21:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68421
Hi Debbie I was stone with amazement and admiration with your peom. It let me think and reflect about myself. You have created a good and inspiring piece of art that blends well to each of the words. Each them are like songs being sang by the angels in the sky. It was like a harmony of prayer and love that was sent to all to read. Each line express a sincere and honest appreciation of life and peace. Of how you can direct people who are blind to see the world in a different kind. You would be an inspiration to all an inspiration to write more. Hope that this critique of mine would serve as a voice of thanks and appreciation to a angel like song.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-20 07:54:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
Debbie this is such a beautiful, inspiring piece of art.....as if written by the hand of God Himself and I am sure He has.....you are His vessel at this point in time and I know you use it wisely. The form itself is pure, easy to read, words just flow bringing forth the peace one seeks.....Indeed being silent, listening to that inner voice that speaks to us is so very important....He has used that voice more then once to save my own life asa you well know.....He takes away all our fears, doubts, torments, pains and sorrows if only we truely release it all to Him. Thank you for sharing this with us and for being the kind of person you are......be safe my friend, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-11-18 16:54:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
WONDERFUL, PEACE REIGNS SUPREME, what once was is no longer.Realse of controlling mrmories that no longer haunt, wonderful to hear this new life's philsophy. Your words flow, as slight wind blows, those rays of suneshinshine radiiant through this poem. The peace has come to you finally, and I can tell throughout this wonderful [poem that all these sesations atre heartfelt. Wonderful flow, ib a beautifully crafted piece of yourself. Peace finally allowing you the respite from all the personal hurty, it"s such a relief for me to share in with yoy. Your ray of sunlight is finally afornuing your too kind heart and soul. Sorry this is short but just this much has taken me an hour to type left handed, which I am not. Love the quietness and peace that sine through your words. Had to comment no matter what the poem is such a great start to the new Debbie, Love Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-11-18 14:44:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.36364
Debbie--I liked your poem from the beginning: because I like rhymes, especially when they flow with the message and rhythm (this felt genuine not contrived). You used an assortment of rhymes to get your point across, i.e., full/end rhymes...hear & ...dear, ...ahead & ...instead; exact soundings rhymes, ...pasts... & ...passed (excellent twist); approximate sounding rhymes,...soul/control (good emphasis), speak/seek (good emphasis), ease/breeze (very soothing). I truely believed that by being 'quiet' I would "...hear wisdom of heaven and earth held dear." (great metaphors). Nice melody/rhythm created by the internal/slant rhyme/consonance of; si-lent/in-si-de/de-si-red (1st & 2nd lines, 2nd stanza). Superb finish assonance of; desp-ai-r/p-ai-n (2nd line, 3rd stanza). A wonderful job done taking the reader(s) through a metaphoric sequence for acquiring peace of mind. The overall soothing tones of the piece made it an enjoyable read. Then again, I may have understated your work-forgive me if I have. Thanks for sharing your efforts with TPL.TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-11-18 12:28:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie, You have managed to capture a sentiment I have long held dear but could never quite put into words. It has become an ever increasingly noisy world, and your poem reminds us of the fountain of silence forever springing forth inside ourselves. I once had a friend who, when the voices in my head were raging war, would remind me that there was a silent place inside me. That simple piece of wisdom has served me well for many years. I feel quite certain this work will do the same for anyone who is willing to be silent long enough to listen. Your tour through the turmoil has served as a guiding light for anyone who might feel lost in the maze. Thank you for being so incredibly couragious and sharing your journey. Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-11-18 10:26:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12500
Thank you , Debbie. These are words of wisdom and faith, and if I ever needed to hear them, it was today. Sometimes I have trouble being still to be filled. It's like I can't turn my mind off from the worry and wonder. Will I ever get a job Lord, What am I going to do now? I've been sick all week and I needed to be out there pounding the pavement. How will we make it with the Holidays comming? But your inspirational words have helped me to focus on Him and have faith that He will provide and see us through. After I finished reading your poem I was able to focus , clear my mind and pray with a new perspective. I don't usually log on TPL til I've done my morning prayer jouraling, but I think today I was led here for a reason. "Be Silent" is a message within a title if there ever was one. Your message to surrender to Him as the only way to recieve these comforts to ease burdens...that is THE thing I needed to remember...Surrender daily. Thank you and Bless you, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-18 09:35:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hi Debbie, So nice to find a poem from you on my list! I know it is not always easy to rhyme and still keep the integrity of the poem but you have done just that. The lines flow easy without sounding forced. The first line..."be silent, for that is when you hear." is a great introduction for what is to come...."be silent the voice within will speak." What a profound message...we must quiet our inner mind so we can hear the healing words...they are always there but we don't always listen...."Say farwell to afflicting pasts..they have ceased and now have passed." Yes...all pains and agonies will pass..they will never leave us but we can quiet them and set them aside. Sometimes this takes a very long time to accomplish but it is possible. I love the line.. .."despair and pain snatched by a breeze" This is a lovely poem about the struggles we must face everyday and it is also a poem of hope that leaves the reader with a sense of peace that all will be well. Thanks for posting what is in your heart. Love Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-11-18 07:49:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie, First of all welcome back..I don't remember seeing your work for awhile...This one is just great..I have not read such an excellent rhyming poem in some time..The subject is one that relates to you well as one who has endured really hard times in life--who has fought the battle within--and has finally reached a state of reconciliation and "peace." ONe who does not stop there but rather reaches out and shares that sense of peace with others through writing about it..Yes, life is short and should be approached in the manner you describe here. "Be silent, for that is when you hear Wisdom of heaven and earth held dear Knowledge deep within the soul Comes quietly as we release control." The above is especially true for us "control freaks" (I was one once too) and you are so right in that we just more or less keep spinning our wheels until we stop and it is in that silence when we release that control that we finally "hear." That introspection that comes in the quiet time is where knowledge lies. "Be silent, the voice inside will speak The truths desired for what we seek Say farewell to afflicting pasts They have ceased and now have passed." Isn't is wonderful that our souls are calm and resilient underneath all the afflictions of our "personalities"?? And that once we realize the truth of what you say--that we can throw off the worst kind of abuse or horror and put it in its place as over ("ceased and passed} becoming part of our past but in a distant and non-hurtful place. WE may not be able to erase it--but we can learn to live happily in spite of it.. "Be silent, for soon there will be ease Despair and pain snatched by a breeze Life so short we ask ahead All days complete with peace instead." This is a lovely piece of work and I love the way each verse begins with the "Be silent". for that silence is the key to the peace you have found. The poem is not too long, nor too short, just right for the message it conveys.. AS long as we look to others to solve problems for us we are caught in a trap..IT is only when we realize our own strength through calling on the eternal parts of ourselves and listening to what we feel and hear from our souls that we become "free" and at peace. thank you so much for sharing another wise and beautiful poem with us.....all my best ....drenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-18 02:59:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
hi debbie, thanks for sharing your poem. i know the message youve tried to impart here but i believe that the lines have been deprived of spontaneity because the head was busy thinking of the words that would rhyme with the former,i.e., "hear,dear,soul, control...etc." although there is nothing wrong with rhyming words,and im not against it either, i believe that your poem will be better if it comes out of the spontaneous flow of your thoughts.try using the free style next time.but im not telling you to change your style.if youre used to using the rhyming words at the end of each line,then thats fine. but as you grow as a poet,then i suggest you also let your style grow as well. dont fret coz i liked your poem. really. its just that i believe it can be better.i hope to read more of your works next time. take care.april :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-11-17 19:34:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I like the simplicity of this poem. It says clearly what it wants to and does not have the feel of "preachiness" that can be so deadly to some poems. The repetition of "Be silent" works to tie the poem together and to give it a certain power and strength. The sense of hope that comes at the end of the poem is a climax following the first two stanza's which say, "Listen, Learn, Let go." The final stanza offers hope for peace at last. The language is mature and the writing (and perspective)also. The end rhymes are consistant. The poem reads well aloud and has good flow. I see no reason to change this. Rene Fraley

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