This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-25 15:45:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tornado

Typhoon wind whirls O'er land and sea Rushing and swooping Noise deafening Absolute destruction Devastating ruin Of all it slaps

Copyright © January 2004 marilyn terwilleger

Additional Notes:
First attempt at acrostic....anyway I think it is! Feel free to tinker with it.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-06 13:38:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89189
Dear Marilyn, This is great, I would never have known it's your first. Considering the power an Acrostic wields, this seems the perfect subject matter. A "Tornado" is one of Gods most powerful creations. It's awe-inspiring to watch as it reeks havoc. This is an apt description. I was going to suggest for the end to be 'of all in it's path, but I rather like your image of the storm slapping out destuction much better than anything I could suggest. Congrats on successfully achieving an Acrostic! My Best, Jennifer


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-01 01:03:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
Hi Marilyn, Wow, first attempt? This is something! Every word you used here matters and exactly describing in details the awesome power and destructive character of a tornado. Starting it with the line “Typhoon wind whirls” is instantly effective and straightforward. I like how you concatenate the “over” to “O’er” in the second line. I find poetic and lyrical beauty to it. “Rushing and swooping”…gee, I can almost hear it. To follow “Noise deafening” at the next line is a clever move. It supports the third line perfectly. Putting “Absolute destruction” and “Devastating ruin” at the end part is appropriate. It shows the aftermath and end-result of tornado. “Of all it slaps” - just a perfect ending. Don’t change any word. Over-all the words are effective and appealing. Excellent! Congratulations to your new talent Marilyn! Keep them pouring here in TPL! You have an audience here! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-01-27 11:55:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62963
Marilyn--It's always good to see someone branch out-smile. Let's see, you've used each letter of the title to spell a word and begin your lines: this is traditional acrostic; all techs met and the stanza more than aptly describes the actions of your subject. Although, not as difficult as "Fixed" forms of poetry (set number of syllables/lines,etc...) this form does require more effort to put together, sensible, throughts due to restriction of the theme/words/ letters (in my humble opinion). Excellent descriptors creates vivid imagery leading up to your metaphoric ending;"...Of all it slaps." This of course is my favorite phrase of the piece. I originally grew up and lived in Florida for many years and can truthfully say tornadoes are one of the main reasons, I AM FROM FLORIDA!! Thanks for sharing your very first(hopefully it won't be your last)acrostic with TPL.TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-27 08:37:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56364
Good Acoustic poem my friend and to take two powerful elements the land and the sea place them together in terms of such an experience....wow.....the winds alone can shake the solid rock you might be standing on at the time......I was in a tornado only once and the darkness that over took us was breathless for it was just that.....still, dark, very erie....the lights were still on within the building, a moment before the bright sunshine on this lovely day shone down on us and then.......hells furry began and the flower pot began to turn ever so slowly at first then faster and faster until it was just a top flying in the breeze.....a trailer from three streets up landed across in the open field, large maple trees fell on top of cars parked just a few feet away and then...the roof began to lift....now that did frighten my heart there was no cellar to run to we were in a bakery and garage.......and as quickly as it begani it stopped and the sun shone again.............as if nothing has happend but all the destruction laid around you........wow......have not thought of that in years....my one and only experience in a tornado for they do not grace our area all that often, thank the Lord for that....... Thanks for posting, be safe and God Bless....Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-01-26 20:24:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Marilyn, I have experienced the wrath that you describe and the power a tornado emits is power beyond description. Absolute destruction, devasting ruin well describes this storm of nature. You have done well with your first acrostic..keep them coming:) Deb:)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-26 17:13:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.19643
I am liking the idea of acrostic poems. I also like the mixture of sea and land terms for the wind phenomenon experienced in the poem. I would wish for some emotional chord to be struck here, rather than scientific and purely observational, but all of that depends on the author's intent, which I cannot guess. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-26 08:44:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Hi Marilyn, What caught my interest in this poem was the really good imagery. The typhoon is described in terms of actions and consequences and is easily pictured in the mind. The "Typhoon" acrostic is well done and seems natural to me. I had to look for it to check. Is there another fixed form happening here? I asked because I wondered why you used "o're" instead of "over" which sounds less contrived. I thought perhaps you were meeting a strict syllable count. I like the way the words imitate the typhoon in the way they seem to whoosh through in "winds whirl" and the words "distruction" and "devestating" have such a percussive, hard sound. I like this... Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-25 17:47:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04762
Hi Marilyn; Congrats on your first acrostic attempt. I did my first recently and I loved the experience. Great alliteration to start...and there is no doubt that when we talk about a typhoon wind, we are talking powerful. The imagery grows with visions of water spraying, dust and dirt blowing. I was taken away with the uncontrollable rushing and swooping movements of the wind and although I have been fortunate to have never personally witnessed a tornado, I have heard about the deafening and frightening noise. Yes! Absolute destruction is an appropriate description. I have a friend in the midwest that told me how his neighborhood was demolished and how the rebuilding was just that...it was impossible to simply repair things. I loved how you describe what the beast does...it slaps everything in its path to ruin. There is no need to tinker with your work. It is a wonderfully crafted story of what one can expect when having to face a tornado and you used an acrostic form that works very well. Thanks for posting TORNADO. Take care. Mick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-01-25 16:59:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.31579
Hi Marilyn, Congratulations on your first acrostic! It is a very good one for a first attempt, getting in all the elements of the weather and the sounds and sights of the devastation. The last line might be the only line I would tinker with. I would use something other than slaps--maybe touches, brushes, of all in it's path. Just a few suggestions. Great first time effort, and welcome back! Sherr
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