This Poem was Submitted By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2004-02-09 03:48:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Living a Loss

It gets so crazy at times why I still think about you  in my most memorable ways it just never, ever pays I am still here with the grief of losing you you have no idea what i have gone through i don't even care how my poem is and what I am about to share it makes me feel sick  that I don't even care i go through life  like i am still with you doing things that only you would do I am chasing  ghosts of me and you if only you could feel like this too I always knew how much  I've missed you but knowing more is  not hurting less It's just pressing on taking your chances like a game of chess Life is like that at times Which way to turn which way is left Hoping that the Grace of God  will kick in.. And reality will set in For the love of Him  I could not forget. I know I tried to find the love of God in you But, now I know so were you. I am trying to move on Like you already have Thinking of you from day  to day Wishing I could have had  just one more day. I just think of what Garth Brooks once said, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." For it is he that knows the best for you and for me. I will still always love you from the deepest depths of my soul Although this break-up has taken it's toll I wish you the best wherever you go Although, I wish I was there in the  morning to still tell you, "hello."

Copyright © February 2004 Robin Ann Crandell

Additional Notes:
I have this hurt inside that will not go away. I use this space to write what I wish I could say. Critique me on whatever you wish.. please just know this is just a gift. I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be.. I just have a broken heart that I wish he could see.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-07 17:41:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72000
living a Loss Hi, Robin That is a good title which takes us right to the heart of the poem. II tells us what the poem will be about is a determination to go on although someone is in pain. This kind of loss is so powerful that the subject is one that is done over and over, and yet each person's experience is a little different so each persons telling of the tale has something to teach us about dealing with sorrow. . It gets so crazy at times [it does, yes] why I still think about you  [in -my] I think you don't need the pronoun "my" because the speaker is understood and the poem flows better without it I think -just my opinion.] most memorable ways it just never, ever pays I am still here with the grief of losing you you have no idea what i have gone through ah, yes we always think this and it is doubly hard to accept at first loss i don't even care how my poem is [good desrciption of a feeling of abandoning everything! and what I am about to share it makes me feel sick  that I don't even care ah, yes....indeed it can do that i go through life  ["as if i were..."for the grammar?}still with you doing things [myself?}that only you would do I am chasing  ghosts of me [really nice metaphor]and you if only you could feel like this too it is so natural to want the absent husband or lover to feel something I always knew how much  [maybe much -I would - miss you?"}' but knowing more is  not hurting less It's just pressing on taking your chances like a game of chess yes..exactly like a game of chess The end-game after a careful season of precision and lparing. Life is like that at times Which way to turn which way is left Hoping that the Grace of God  will kick in.. I like the casual language here "kick in" is marvelous And reality will set in For the love of Him  I could not forget. [nice thought - and it offers hope for] I know I tried to find the love of God in you But, now I know so were you. ah, two people looking for spiritual light will be okay in the end certainly I am trying to move on [As]  you already have Thinking of you from day  to day Wishing I could have had  just one more day. ah...yes. but , yet - it does not sound futile -it sounds as if the narrator has memories enough for a lifetime and that there was a lot of good in the relationship that will light the way for the next time. I just think of what Garth Brooks once said, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." For it is [He who] knows the best for you and for me. That is a great line! Yes, one must be careful about what one wishes for~ I will still always love you from the deepest depths of my soul Although this break-up has taken it's toll .I guess that all great feeling changes us in some way. Hopefully the experiece will have turned out to be mostly a good memory. except, of course for the pain of loss. . Although, I wish I  [were] there in the  morning to still tell you, "hello." Yes. Indeed . We can feel the palbable pain. Heartfelt and poignant poem, robin.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-26 20:53:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34483
Robin, I sense the deepest of pain here, and can identify with it. I have been in love with someone for over 50 years, and never have even kissed her intimately, nor made love. We are very good friends, but I always felt it should have been more than that. Enough about me, for now. You said you wanted an honest critique. The poem is quite emotional, for sure, but I found it too repetitive. I know why, but it still bores the reader. There are some rhymes that seem quite forced, or at best, obvious. I am relieved that you expended this energy and got it out. Hopefully it helped ease the pain of a lost love, and I want you to know that the experts have agreed that this is the MOST difficult topic of which to compose poetry. Do not despair, write on.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-25 03:54:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Robin, Wow, what a sincere and honest poetry is this! No restrictions, pure feelings, pure intentions. “Living a Loss” --- Great title! It has this oxymoronic appeal. “It gets so crazy at times” --- Great introductory line! It immediately sets the phase / tone of your poem. Clever! “why I still think about you in my most memorable ways it just never, ever pays” --- I can feel the ironic scenario. “I am still here with the grief of losing you you have no idea what i have gone through” --- I can feel your genuine emotions truly radiates in this lines. The spirit is low. Thanks for sharing the “real” you, the “real” emotions you encountered at this moment. I am amazed by your courage of sharing this to us all. May poetry be a therapeutic means of healing those fresh wounds. --- Technically, I just observed that the pronoun “I” is not consistent in the entire poem. Sometimes it is in capital letter, sometimes not. “I am chasing ghosts of me and you” --- I like the poetic incline of this phrase. Haunting my amusement! “I just think of what Garth Brooks once said, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." For it is he that knows the best for you and for me.” --- For me, this is my favorite part! Inspite of loss, there is hope in your words here. I am also a Christian and I can feel the strong Christian side of you in this stanza and some part of your poem here. This is more amazing to me, not that you shared your “loss” but that you shared a “Christ” in your life. For me, that is far overwhelming! I am humbled by your positive and optimistic response. “Thank God for unanswered prayers.” - what a powerful line, only true Christian can discerned this truth. Others will just laugh and ridicule this out. And your response “For it is (H)e that knows the best for you and for me” is unbelievable especially that you just lost the most love of your heart. It only shows that above all, God is the first in your heart and trust Him wholeheartedly. --- Yes, I believe in your words “For it is He that knows the best for you and for me”, it happened to me many many times (may it be by the matters of the heart, decisions or protection) and I am amazed by His wisdom. Our pastor told us a story of lady who survived from the bomb set in the US Embassy in Africa. She has a meeting / presentation in that morning and she was already late on that appointment. She has been praying for the traffic jam to be cooperative but the traffic just get worst. Her prayers went “unanswered”. She later learned that if she got early on her appointment that day, she would have been dead when the bomb exploded. I can see a miracle in your life right now and not a “loss”. Thanks for your encouraging words. Thanks for reminding us to hold on to the true Savior and Comforter of our lives. I can feel the “best” of things coming in your life. This is just the start. Yes, this is a simple poem that the impact it brings to me is big-time! Your testimony is worth reading! Thanks for the inspiration, lessons and the truth! Excellent! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-19 17:53:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47368
You are to be complimented on putting this out there. Even though the poem itself is quite straightforward, I like it, just for the reason that you are really opening up. That takes courage. Well done. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-16 10:28:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Robin, I know after pouring out this hurt that you have in your heart, it had to ease the pain for you. I have written a lot of these hurt filled poems myself, and know that after each is completed, I feel lots better. I know that it is a time worn phrase but "time does heal all wounds". I too am thankful for the Garth Brooks song, if God had answered the prayers that I was praying 11 years ago, I would not be as happy as I am today. God knows what is best for us, even if we doubt it sometimes. Broken relationships hurt, and it takes a long while to get over it. So give yourself some time and be willing to grieve for your loss. If no one will listen to you, then pour it out in this form. Believe me, I know it is good therapy. Good luck, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2004-02-11 16:36:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Robin, you are starting the healing process with this poem. I've heard it said that pain shared is cut in half. Perhaps that is true but I know that pain held inside multiplies and festers. I sincerely hope it helped to let some of it out.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-02-10 10:46:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Robin; You are wise, brave, and very unselfish in sharing with all of us. Not to mimimize what you have written here, but your expression of how you feel is similar to some others I have seen recently insofar as telling of a personal hurt, so I just want you to know that you are not alone and many TPL members can empathize. Many people would not be so generous as to share themselves like you have and that is what is so beautiful about writing in general and poetry to a greater extent. It is best to write when you are emotionally charged; to get out the words as you feel first. Way to go. Regarding your poem itself, you may want to change some stanzas, but I wouldn't be in a hurry to do it. It flowed for me and is filled with the angst and emotion of the moment of writing which I loved. I particularly like the beginning. One line sums it up...that confusing, being lost, hopeless, "crazy" for sure. Each verse is a chunk of what you have to get out, individual and valid, but my favorite line was "I am chasing ghosts of me and you, if only you could feel like this too". Your ending shows that you're naturally clever, as I am sure that these words just oozed from you...again wrapping up exactly how you are still feeling. I sincerely wish you the best Robin and I truly loved your poem. Mick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-09 13:25:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Poet it is good that you can put your emotions into words and share them with the world.....hoping that this venting helps you to see that each time you do you heal a little more......losing someone whether through death or life experiences is never easy and it seems most difficult when the loss is through a broken relationship either through divorce or people sharing their life together......the point being the person is still alive, there is always the chance you may meet when least expected.....the places you have gone to and shared together are still there to bring back the feelings associated with this person and yes, its sad...heart breaking and sometimes cruel especially if your emotions are still with this person. To me your poem says you are still deeply involved having a most difficult time to let go and go on though you seem to indicate he has let go and has gone on.....perhaps you still need some form of closure to this relationship or perhaps your emotions are so deep it will take longer then most to let go. I love the song you give reference to about 'Thank God for unanswered prayers' though I am not sure what unanswered prayers you reference within........ Your faith is there my friend and what I can see, feel and hear the problem is just giving your pain to God and setting yourself free from the hold this man has on your heart and on your soul.........if you honestly believe the Father is there to help you then you will be free.....remember you are His little girl, take a walk with Him and tell Him all your pain and sorrow and you know, in your heart , that He already knows how you are feeling and hurting and He, above all else, wants you whole.........I love the Lord, I trust in His love and compassion and He gave me a second chance at life three years ago when I laid dying in His arms.......He kissed my cheek and I felt His breath and survived fourteen heart attacks and open heart miracles happen poet, every day.....take a chance and walk with the Lord by your side.....He works and so does your faith.....I can feel it alive and well just give it a try. Thank you for posting, write over and over again if it helps and post it for the world to safe and God Bless, Claire Even though the above is filled with your broken heart you structured it well, your word flow allows for the reader to see your pain as well as feel it and in closing there is also the hope of life coming back into your life when you tell him that you want to wish him the best wherever he goes its just that you wanted one more 'hello' with reality your poem reflects your feelings and life situations. again thank you for taking the time to care not only about how this might help others but how it will help you heal as well.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-09 10:06:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Robin, The pain of a lost relationship is absolute...I sometimes think it is worse than a death of a loved one as death is final but physical loss means that person is still alive but has ceased to love or need you. I think the poet inside you has written down your sad feeling very well in this piece. You don't have to write a perfect poem to mirror your sadness just a truthful that and your talent for writing will shine through every time. I think I may have told you that I am a widow so much of what you write I have said to myself many times over since my husband died...the hurt never goes away but just lurks there waiting to blind side you when least expected....."I am still here with the grief of losing you" this is a gut wrenching line which sets the tone of the entire poem...I knew this would be sad but was compelled to read it to the end despite the darkness of the words. Keep writing as it will cleanse your soul and eventually all the pain will ease. Blessings...Marilyn
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