This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-02-15 17:14:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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untitled

black as night, steely gray, blue too or ivory white, salmon pink, banana yellow, rosey red spring green cheep, croak, damn, meow crack, whoosh, splish, whir caw, woof, wah, mommy rrrrrr, schreech, smash silky soft, furry, fuzzy, rough, hard, jagged, smooth, wet, greasy chapped, brittle  smoky, putrid, stale, sour  fresh, clean, pure sweet, spicey, bland delicious, yucky sight hearing touch smell taste metal, rock, wood, mammal hate, mistrust, greedy, selfish love, caring, generous, sharing the five basic senses and we are what we are, unless we choose to be better
Copyright © February 2004 Mick Fraser

Additional Notes:
I have nothing else to do but preach Suggestions for titles please (aside from Trash...Rubbish is acceptable)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-07 19:10:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Hi Mick, I have also nothing else to say in your entry here except that this is rich with words, adjectives, images, sounds and colors. What really strikes me best is the last line: “and we are what we are, unless we choose to be better” --- This reminds me of my May 2003 entry “No Excuses”. This just summarized it up. The “words, adjectives, images, sounds and colors” that you early mentioned were choices that we can select from. It’s how we choose that makes who we are. Simple as that yet with great impact! And for the title, hmmmm….I would suggest “Essence of the Senseless Sense”. :) As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-07 11:55:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.49206
are you preaching? Did not think so as I read on......though to be honest I do tend to find myself in more then one place here.....today might be a day of bright sunshine thus my world is rosey pink........yet, with the skin rash I have I am uptight as a wired fence ready to explode.....hehehe......saw a dermatologist and he has no clue......liver out of whack so we are having scan on the 15th which is going to make me crack and craw as the stuff to drink might not fit so well......hehehe....then we see the hemotologist after all that.......wow, color my world gray with sunshine bright yellow on the horizon......this is a fun poem to put yourself into.....nice structure, good work in the flow of words too. images well I have seen and then created a few with my own thoughts within your lines.....good luck in the contest my friend.....I see you are up there with the best....... Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-24 19:29:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Title - "Sense-Less..." ? Bravo for this descriptive analysis of the human species and the world around it. It takes a lot of adjectives, nouns and other parts of speech to provide that, and you succeed in this piece. Well done.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-18 19:06:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
My suggestion for a title is "Look at that crunchy feeling smell. I can taste it." A weird title for a weirdly cool poem. I really like it. Some interesting happenings here at TPL today. Super cool poems, thinking outside the box. I really appreciate that. Must be something the air. I also like that at the end the idea of transcending the senses is included here. That is something that my sensibility warms to. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-02-16 11:34:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Mick, My immediate reaction was that this could be titled "Human". We all are a mix, aren't we? How can I possibly appreciate the absense of pain if I have never felt pain? "Balance" might also work. That is what I thought you were working towards as I read the poem. I like the simple listing, as it makes us think as a reader, and also gives us a bit of mystery as we wonder what's the destination. Maybe I'll try a list poem as part of my ten required, but I doubt it will be as good as this. Thanks for the inspiration! Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-16 10:18:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Mick, Why not the simple title of "Senses", as this one certainly captures the essence of all of them. This is a thought provoking poem, and the last stanza was the kicker. the five basic senses ...something that we all are born with and we are what we are, unless...yes we are what we are, lots of times, products of our environment we choose to be better...this I have found out for myself. I can choose to change the way that I react to those things in my life that tend to effect me negatively. I have gone through a huge process like that this last year, and feel that I have come through it a better person, wife, mother, grandmother and writer. Thanks for taking the time to share these thoughts. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-16 09:24:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Mick, This is an interesting portrayal of the human senses. This work shows your poetic cleverness and playfulness. The first group of descriptors are for visualization. Things should be concrete so that it is seen. Basically, color is what manifests the sense of seeing. We can determine objects according to colors. The second groupt is for the sense of hearing. Basically, sound is what manifests it. Interesting nouns that suggest sound including the animals and objects. I am interested to hear the croaking, I am visualizing myself to be in a forest. Through hearing, we can visualize things as well. Interesting selection of adjectives that compose the sense of touch. Touch is more abstract like you have to close your eyes and you can feel the object. I like the inclusion of negative and positive smell. Of course, one should favor the smell of freshness, cleanliness and purity. And lastly the sense of taste, I should choose to taste delicious and sweet. Otherwise, I hate it. The poem also includes the idea of concreteness: "metal, rock, wood, mammal" and the abstract nouns: "hate, mistrust, greedy, selfish love, caring, generous, sharing".... And the essence of the poem is seen in the last stanza. We should choose to be better! This is very educational and intellectual. This can be used for teaching purposes! For the title? Human senses? or I don't know, it is okay to leave it untitled I guess. Thank you for sharing, Mick. Looking forward to reading more of your wonderful artistry. Best regards, Jordan
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