This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-15 03:08:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 41 (Rainbow)

Spectrum of hope smiles   After plethora of tears Fall from heaven’s cheeks

Copyright © March 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-04-05 15:41:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
nicely are very expressive in this short style.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-06 00:57:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A person blind from birth would understand what a rainbow is by hearing this poem. This is the feeling of a rainbow. This is a nice poem to have running through my head as I go to sleep. Night and happy dreams.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-04-07 22:10:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93103
Hi Erzahl, Better late than never! My critiquing opportunities have been few until recently, owing to workload. I always like to respond to your haiku and senryu when they appear on my list. This one suits the early spring, because even after a depressing rainfall, one can anticipate the uplifting appearance of sun and new growth. Sibilant "s" sounds are appropriately soft and soothing. So is the "th/f/v" fricative combination. The rainbow, your "spectrum of hope", confers a larger promise than the mere gift of a single season. That it "smiles" is a pleasant contrast to the "plethora of tears" - "plethora" is such a great word, and so seldom heard!! "Heaven's cheeks" nicely personify the cloudy sky but also imply a higher order to everything. Rain, as with all else, is at the command of a greater power than we who look up in awe. Lovely work, as always. Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-07 10:55:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69643
Hi Erzahl --First off, I am happy to see a title (speaking of "Rainbow") that distinguishes one haiku from another. That's just me--I like to have an inkling of what I will be reading. You told me you were Filipino--so do I assume that English is your 2nd language--if so, you sure do have a good grip on it, poetically speaking! This perfect haiku has all the things my ear looks/ listens for in verse--the alliteration: spectrum/smiles/tears/heaven's/cheeks--the color: spectrum, which ties your title in right off the bat, and then the poetics: plethora of tears fall from heaven's cheeks. Makes me want to read it again and again, considering the nuances, the 'hidden' colors, the subtleties if you will. That's good verse, Erzahl--it's as colorful and real as a rainbow itself--and as fleeting. Good job. Marcia McCaslin
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-30 14:17:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Dear Ezrahl, ahhhh! This is so very lovely. And it's made even sweeter by your thoughtful dedication on the forum to Claire. That gesture of love will no doubt create a lasting impression for all of us here on TPL and especially Claire. Your first line brings to mind the covenant God made with all creation after the destruction of Noah's era. *smile* I keep thinking a rainbow is God's smile turned upside down. He creates alot of fantastic things, but the spectrum of colors in a rainbow is one that gives us new meaning to the word HOPE. The thought of rain being a "plethora of tears from heaven's cheeks" is rewarding! I think I just found my new favorite of your Japanese verse. Thank you so much for this spendicity. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-28 13:27:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
japanese verse 41 (Rainbow) Lovely poem Ezrahl and really an argument for the superfluousness of titles in these kinds of pieces. : } The "spectrum" which is named tells us what we are looking at marvelously well. We know it is a rainbow from the first word. The fact that there is metaphoric language - spectrum of hope – “heaven’s cheeks” of course makes it less classic a Japanese poem but adds its own spicy Western flavor which blends beautifully in your work. You really grammatically need the article a before “plethora” and since it is a collective noun, the plural” falls” - but I know that would that would hurt the count so perhaps a world like surplus? Lovely work – grounded in nature and shining with its own bright colors.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-03-23 21:47:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Erzahl, This is one of your best. The visual is very very good. "Spectrum of hope" is absolutely magnificent. It gives me the chills. What a wonderful way to think about rain! A simple, yet memorable still life of an illusive gift from God painted on a canvas of verse. Bravo! Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-16 17:34:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Lovely Erzahl, mana wrapped as a gift from Heaven, a family aware, a daughters concern, her love emeshed in your dedecation, her belief, relayed strongly in the super haiku. Who would I be to suggest, once again all I can do is give acclodes. Your humanity shines through brillantly in this haiku, and your decidation is beautiful. Pain, and tomet for a mortal being to think one so ill is committing suicide. I've lost all of my parents generation, and the one lesson I learned is that people know when their end is near, and many times they implement daily routine to speed up the process of going home, yet I was left with one understanding the need of the person involved, and I'm convinced that their wish is true, and in this last chapter of life they don't consider it suicide, all they want to do is go home, that means dying, going to the serenity of their last existence, and in a way as I saw my husband lieying there dying, I wanted to keep him with me forever, but then I understood that is selfish on my part, and as soon as I accepted the eventual end, I was at peace, because he was finally peaceful, before his last breath he opened his eyes, looked at me, and said I love you, Thank you, and I knew that I had done with God ordinated, I was at peace also. So your haiku holds many flavors, or layers Erzahl, for Clair it offered her peace, and gave strength, as such it deserves all the rewards. Again well written, what else could I possibly day. God Bless you for your humanity and compassion, this haiku proves the merit of the man/poet. Best regards always, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-16 10:37:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.21739
Erzahl......creating a rainbow here in the woods of Tully is never an easy job with the mountain to the east and the other to the west leaving us here in the middle where the two will not mix.....but taking HOPE which we all seek in our daily lives, mix it with the light rainfall from heaven above as the sun filters through kissing your cheeks .......indeed a rainbow of color emerges and splendor is the word for such a creation.....again, as always your work is true to form, 5-7-5 and your choice of words bring forth to life the scene you are creating with the flare of your pen and in a job well done. I thank you for sharing this with us this morning and for bringing forth sunshine colors into my world today. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-15 10:29:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68571
Another excellent senryu from the "pen" of Erzahl. Great imagery, with some alliteration added, s's -h's. An enjoyable read. Spectrum of hope smiles After plethora of tears - [Wouldn't "plethora" be singular, with "of tears" only a prepositional phrase modifying that noun, thus needing a plural "falls" in the next line?] Fall from heaven’s cheeks That is my only problem with this one, Erzahl. Thanks for submitting this. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-03-15 09:52:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73333
Hi Erzahl, I'm glad I caught your verse before it goes down my list! Hehe! This is verse 41 already, how prolific you are in your verses! What a grand picture you have here! There are three exquisite descriptors you have discovered again, "spectrum of hope", "plethora of tears" and "heaven's cheek". You really have a plethora of figurative speech and descriptors! Am getting the use of plethora correctly here? Hehe? Plethora means superabundance, right? Honestly, this is my first encounter to this word. I absoulutely like the use of "spectrum" here! You know why? This is a Physics term! Readers SEES your poem in magnified view. And the personification is great. This truly brings a smile to the readers. And in the heaven's cheeks where the spectrum of hope smiles is so splendid. You unbeatable, Erzahl! Thanks for making me smile. I am about to take calls now! Hehe. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-03-15 07:38:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Erzahl, You couldn't have dedicated this to a nicer person. Claire is an absolute wonderful friend and my prayer for her also would be comfort and healing from this haiku. You are the best. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-15 03:49:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Erzahl--Here we go again, all techs met-smile. Such great imagery created by this metaphoric description of rainbow(s) and/or sun shining after the rain(s). What else can/or need be said about another masterpiece. Write-on. You inspired me and MINE. Thanks. TLW
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