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This Poem was Submitted By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-03-15 20:05:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Seeking Comfort

Turned blue as a gum tree's underbark, clearly the cold refelcts from moons of our fingers, complex as a candle's illumination of an empty room. Winter edges us with a rain of frost until we seek the inside of the house and press into the new light of window, flint and flame.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-04-06 22:47:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92593
I love the imagery in this piece, Jane. Assonance of gum/underbark is great; lovely use of the hard-c consonance in L2/L3 (typo: reflects). Neat way to segue from finger moons to candles, which blends the visual/tactile imagery so that the fingers seem almost to hold a part of the sky. "Complex" is an intriguing choice. "Rain of frost" = super oxymoron! "Edges us" makes the humans into living works of natural art. "New light/of window, flint and flame" is beautifully evocative, sonically exquisite and makes me think of E. Pauline Johnson for some reason ("flint and feather", perhaps?). There's something so friendly about a glowing, cozy room! It's almost animate. We receive the definite message that there's much to be said for simple pleasures. Light, alone, was the first created thing of all, and still offers the greatest gift. Sorry for the sentence fragments but I'm up too late for coherence tonight. I just wanted to tell you that this has been such a pleasure to read. Take Care, Brenda (who is California Dreamin')

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-04-04 17:52:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35484
Jane, this is wonderful the discriptions are really fantastic. I also like the consance of repeated c sounds in the first stanza and then the f's in the last stanza. The contrast between the extreem cold outside and the warm implied by flint and flame in the end is great. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-03-31 14:21:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25806
Come to Minne and we'll run naked through the streets then sit and sip Speckled Hen from a frosty mug and talk about the whether.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-17 21:36:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jane: It is so good to have you back. I hold this poem like a candle. The candle flame lets me see the "empty room" - and the effect is both warming and chilling. That metaphoric room opened from your imagery of the "cold" which "reflects from moons/ of our fingers." I don't know where I am, except that I can feel that chill, see that light. I think that the poem can perhaps symbolise "winter" in one's life, with its "rain of frost" -- seemingly unending partings and losses and exclusions - prompt us to turn toward our soul's habitation - "the inside of the house." Forgive me if I have wandered far from your intent. Turned blue as a gum tree's underbark, -- Though unfamiliar with this vision, I can still see it. I am reminded here of your poem - "Blue" -- "Earthy blue under the crow’s wing//where black seems all but total." But I am back, turning toward the "inside of the house" - wanting to "press into the new light" "of window, flint and flame." Three elements which have an almost sacramental feel. The window allows light - but is hard in texture - as is the flint. The flame is not something one can touch, either. I am caught up in your exquisite sounds - from fricatives in "fingers/frost/flint/flame" as well as with the imagery of "moons of our fingers" and a strong emotional tug. As always your poetry is as meaningful to me as a whispered conversation with a close friend. Thank you for writing this and allowing me to wander around in it. Luminously done. My best to you, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-16 23:52:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
On the outside looking in , eh? That's what mikiey says about this cold cold poem which i think is about changing into new rooms of consciousness and perhaps an even longer voyage into the unknown Mikey saus i;m dancing qwith cliches which is a great expresion I think, but he is too far away fro the screen to really read it. I myself, love the winter/windiw.flint and flame and mikey likes the moon reference [ but we know that that means. ] Anywaywe both love it kiss kiss hug hug RnM ps. Mikey is being held hostae by Brodsky/

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-03-16 18:14:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.51613
Hi Jane--you see--I'm hooked already, seeking you out to see what short, hard-hitting verbage you have for me now! Again, your first line is just dynamite. Nobody could read it and not want to read more, but the 2nd and 3rd lines: wow--the cold reflects (typo there?) from moons of our fingers--omagosh--it's been years since I even heard the term "moons", and again really refreshing. Such originality, but that's what this Site is known for--and that's why people like me come here--I'm a "fresh-read junkie"! complex as a candle's illumination of an empty roomn--gee, you've combined Whitman and physics here. The complex and empty play on each other in an interesting way! Alot like using "opposites" to drive a point home. Winter edges us {really good description} with a rain of frost. I can see this in my mind's eye-- it's the kind of technique a movie director would use--do you get my meaning? we seek the inside of the house--and press into the "new" light of window, flint, flame. Three wonderful images here. The new light part colors the whole poem with this description--and then, it's ended---and again I want more. Marcia McCaslin

This Poem was Critiqued By: Emma Quinn On Date: 2004-03-16 15:04:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Jane, I especially like the turn from outside to inside that happens between the first and second stanza. The imagery is especially crisp, that 'rain of frost' and the alliteration of 'flint and flame.' Is the underbark of a gum tree really blue? or is that poetic license? Just asking, since I have no experience with gum trees! Emma Quinn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-15 23:24:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Jane--Nice terse poetic piece. Great similes in the first stanza create vivid imagery: "...blue as a gum tree's underbark..." and "complex as a candle's illumination...". Fresh descriptor; "the cold refelcts (misspelled, should be reflects) from moons of our fingers..." adds to the already established images. Nonliteral expressions in stanza #2 lends an almost sardonic flavor: "Winter edges us with rain of frost..."/"...and press into the new light of window...". Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-15 22:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68421
Hello, Jane. I don't recall seeing your name here before, but with my senility beginning to set in, I might be mistaken. If so, I apologize; if not, WELCOME to TPL. This poem is well formed, rhythmic, and with a little slant rhyming ["moons"/"room"], interior rhyming ["reflects" (check the spelling)/"complex"] and the excellent imagery, esp. in L1 to draw the reader in, it is a wonderfully warming read. Thanks for sharing with us. Please write on. wl

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