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This Poem was Submitted By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-03-31 23:02:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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No title

ripen rope reefer rationalized relaxing ravenous rewards

Additional Notes:
Just having fun...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-06 01:51:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
Hi Andrea, “ripen rope reefer rationalized relaxing ravenous rewards” “Just having fun...” The alliteration “R” shows the playfulness of this piece. Sorry Andrea but my mind can’t squeeze the meaning of the haiku/senryu. It would be interesting to know what was the inspiration behind this entry. Thank you, Erzahl :) P.S. I later realize that the subject you are referring to "High-ku" are the stars. Wow, that is really beautiful. It is worth "topnotch"! Definitely, on my top list too! Congrats in advance Andrea! :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-05 01:16:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Andrea--you are "just having fun"--and I'm having fun too. These are so hard to write and actually SAY something (for me) but you have done it with splendid skill! The "Rs" are Really Resplendant, and I have never seen one quite like this. There is usually alliteration-- but this is super-allit.! They tell me in country music seminars that a songwriter is writing a 2-hr movie in 2-1/2 minutes--gotta have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Well, look what you've done--you've got the whole thing wrapped up in 3 lines. First line tells us what it's about--2nd line is the summarized psychological approach--and the 3rd line tells us the event or episode ends with the munchies. Excellent crafting, Andrea--now, I just have one suggestion, but I really Really think it's important--give us a title--something with your wit and humor could be: Ah-h-h-h... or something--starting with an "R"! Very recently some kind, patient critiquer on the Link told me about the importance of titles--after I got to thinking about it, I saw where she was right. Well, you think about it and let me know. Thanks!!! Marcia McCaslin

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-04-03 16:21:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Goodness, this is tough to say fast!! I can see the humor coming out. Talk about serial alliteration! My students would enjoy this as it's an ear-tickler. The r's roll, the p's pop, and the z/x/s sounds are mellow and soften down the others. You have used every vowel in the alphabet. I wonder if one could ever do a haiku with every letter, consonants and all!? Might be entertaining to try. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-03 09:44:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62791
DEar Andrea,, Sounds nice and relaxing to me! Good use of allits and a cute haiku. Woke me up with a good laugh this morning. Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-04-03 05:27:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60606
Andrea--And so it is-a fun piece, and quite the tongue twister. All technicals met (5-7-5 syllables/ three lines/based human nature) for this cute little Japanese verse. Coming on the heels of "Mary Jane" by yours truely and vivid descriptors, this whimsical ditty tells the reader(s) about a clear indication of "pot" smoking without any negative or harsh side effects. "Cannabis" would work well as a title if you are so inclined-smile. I hope I did not misstate your intentions. Thanks for another respite from the recent postings of excellent, but serious themed topics. I enjoyed the "R" allits; overall imagery and rhytmic tone. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-04-02 16:33:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Andrea: Your "having fun" has brought a smile to my Friday afternoon as your haiku is fun for the reader, too. I usually avoid critiquing haiku as I tend toward verbosity and there are so few words upon which to comment. I am curious about your lack of title although that is a common occurrence in poetry. There seem to be so many possibilities for this one; of course, the first idea is "Reefer Madness" per the cult movie but in the zany mood you've put me, I also thought of "Pot Ash" and "Gunja Din". Well, enuf of my foolish play. I'm certain everyone will note first the alliteration you use and for me, it doesn't feel forced which is a rarity in a poem totally alliterative. An indication of a skillful writer. "ripen rope reefer". Your first line is reminiscent of hemp and hashish and "ripen" suggests the inherent mellow aspect of reefer like an aging of fine wine. I am an old hippie, Andrea, so I think of many memories as I contemplate your poem. I once asked a friend if marijuana lost its THC if one had an old bag of same and he replied he wouldn't know because he had never kept any that long. (He would smoke it as fast as it arrived). I found that funny at the time. Wow! You really have me tiptoeing down memory lane. "rationalized relaxing." There is a lot of truth in your two words in the second line. Anyone engaging in illegal activity would have to rationalize their behavior even as I have known several recreational drug users. I believe they are the exception and a rarity. "ravenous rewards." Again, you make me chuckle as I recall what the kids of my era called the 'marijuana munchies.' You have continued your alliteration quite efficaciously, choosing the perfect word each time. Naturally that is a requirement of haiku and likely the reason I haven't attempted same. I applaud your accomplishment herein as it is wickedly humorous, another difficulty in writing. "Funny haiku" seems an oxymoron. I enormously enjoyed your poem, Andrea, and I wish you the best. Mell Morris

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