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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-06 02:07:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 44 (Cross)

Emblem of my faith A straight line towards Heaven Against twisted world

Additional Notes:
- I hope I didn't sound "righteous". :) - It's just a senryu for the Holy Week.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-06 21:51:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.03846
Dear Erzahl, No you don't sound "righteous" I think you are expressing your feelings in the best way that you know how to do and it is a beautiful one. Keep up the good work. Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-06 10:10:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Ezrahl, Sounding righteous is not a problem, it's sounding self-righteous that is frowned upon. lol And no, you do not sound self-righteous at all. If you want to, however, you could revise to "Emblem of[our]faith" with 'our' meaning all Christians. I like this senryu very much. The cross, as a symbol of our faith, is a rewarding and reassuring thought. The "straight line pointing to heaven is a double meaning that I really enjoy, because not only does it work in the physical sense of a standing cross, but also when we walk the straight and narrow path, following His precepts, it leads us to heaven. How cool is that! "Against twisted world" is an important part, because we can either live by faith or by worldly ways. It is a choice we make everyday. There is no fence-staddling on this one. Thanks for a wonderful tribute to our Savior. Blessinsg, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-04-28 14:44:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52174
I understand your you in your additional notes, Erzahl! It is just an expression of faith and everyone is entitled and should express his/her faith. Yep, I agree that the cross is the emblem of faith that is why we execute the sign of the cross. A straight line towards heaven...this is a belief. A cross is a way for us to see heaven. Christ died on it for us to be saved. Thanks for sharing this senryu! A timely one for the Holy Week though my critique is not timely. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-17 20:37:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82222
Erzahl, I wonder a little about this one. I know the count is 5-7-5, but is that as critical as a concise image? The prepositions - of, towards, against - make this seem a little too strained, or maybe even cluttered. I'm not sure those are the right terms, either. I like the picture really clear. No, you didn't sound righteous, but it's okay if you do, too. I know there are some like that in this twisted world. :>) Why not include the word "cross" instead of "Emblem of my faith"? Oh well, I tried. Regards, and hope I didn't come on too strong. Peace. Wayne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-04-15 16:26:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
If only we followed the cross and its teachings given to us by Jesus and His great love in dying so we could all live once again......our paths would lead to heaven indeed and the world we live in, though twisted with man's beliefs, may someday be straight again. This is a beautiful Haiku my friend, filled with your faith and trust in the Lord and His word as truth and light for He is the Light of the World. Thank you for posting this in true form, 5-7-5, for allowing each of us to take it and find whatever meaning we have in the faith it sets forth and to come full term with the knowledge that the Lord still lives in all who believe. Be safe my friend, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-09 01:02:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Erzahl -- this poem was at the bottom of my list and by tomorrow it will have slipped away. I wish the system didn't do that, but it does and we have to work around it, don't we? This is absolutely amazing to me what you have captured in 3 lines (again). Emblem of my faith serves as your summary or Cover Page--then, turn the page, and the picture--sparce, stark--but it's the opposites of straight "against twisted" that captures me so. You could not have chosen a more apt opposite to your straight line towards Heaven, than 'twisted' and to make it your adjective for world just signs, seals and delivers it for me! This is not the work of a self-righteous person at all, Erzahl--quite the opposite, I'd say, but it is certainly a strong senryu for the Easter Season. It is interesting how my eye takes me on a little journey beginning with Emblem-to-straight-to-twisted. Do you notice how this happens too? Another very fine effort. My Best, Marcia

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-04-06 22:28:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Erzahl, First, it doesn't sound righteous. It is a wonderful expression of your working faith. The symbol, the direction, and the odds. Amen. Thank you for the reminder. I am sorry, but, I too, made a Holy Week submission. Andrea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-04-06 15:42:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Erzahl, Wow, a time tested declaration, it speaks the volumns of a faith many Christans believe in, and more then a fitting testimony of a strong teaching (one I was raised in, so this simplly worded senryu speaks those volumns for me), more so the absolute alignment of each line that blends, not only just a concept, but a teaching. During Holy week, and after witnessing the Passion of Christ as depicted in Mel Gibsons' movie, very fittingly appropriate linguists, but more so a belief so precisely descriped in this poem. To never cease to amaze the readership, everything you write is profound, and to me very spiritual. A wonderful Holy Week gift the explains, and yet holds the emotion of a belief. Couldn't pass this up, after seeing The Passion of Christ, I have to admit I didn't see the follies of mortal beings, I only saw his suffering and his supreme sacrifice, for all mankind, for after all Jesus was raised in Jewish belief, it was one strong affirmation for me. Thank You, and God Bless, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-04-06 13:04:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl--You've apparently started an epidemic of Japanese verses-smile. Everyone is posting them and doing a great job. Your "Cross" is no exception to an already growing list of supreb offerings in this vein. There was no need to apolozize for your poem. This appears to be a genuine statement from your 'creative pen,' and a pretty straight forward one at that: I see the "cross" as a banner/ coat of arms and the longer staff pointing the way to an after life home (heaven). The last line is plain language also. The entire piece is not complex-it's Zen style writing adapted very well by the speaker to the current 'sorry' state of world affairs. Thanks for the read. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-06 05:32:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
ee- yes, it's a twisted up, goofy world. looks like we're in for a long ugly battle with anti-Americanism. good luck in it. te

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