This Poem was Submitted By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-09 23:22:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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By The Seat Of My Pants It’s by the seat of these blue jeans I write
With passion for the newly-written words
As pictures, colors slice the winds of night
And come to rest like strange nocturnal birds
A flutter now and then as places change
Some words are not content upon my page
They want to fly more fences on the range
Well, fare-thee-well--go quickly to engage
Another poet’s choice when words are sought
But we will meet again soon, like as not |
|
Copyright © May 2004 Marcia McCaslin
Additional Notes:
O please to let this be a sonnet
If not, just tack "A Rhyme" upon it
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-06 08:55:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.49057
Marcia, nicely rhymed couplets in perfect iambic pentameter, but it lacks the length for a sonnet which contains 14 lines. One form [Petrarchan or Italian] has a rhyme scheme of ABBAABBA for the octave, and CDECDE, CDCCDC, or CDEDCE for the closing sestet. The other form [Shakespearean or English] consists of 3 quatrains and a couplet, usually ABAB CDCD EFEF GG. A Spenserian sonnet would be ABAB BCBC CDCD EE. It appears your work resembles the English form, and by adding one more quatrain, you'd have succeeded. However, this poem is very worthy, with great rhyming and meter. I like the color simile in L3 & L4. Thanks for posting, and hope I've helped with your efforts. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 21:27:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marcia, I wouldn't know a sonnet from anything else, I just know that I liked this!
It is rhymed beautifully, and just seemed to sing off of the page in wonderful imagery.
I think I may have found some of those words at one time.
Good job.
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-05-25 11:45:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Marcia,
Cute note. The poem is great although according to the definitions I know not really a sonnet. But I do like structure when other people do it. I have trouble writing in rhyme myself. I also like the energy this poem has. Having been in a little writing drought lately I am reminded of how good it feels to create with words by your poem.
Ed Krizek
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-23 21:28:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Well Marcia, by definition a sonnet is a fourteen line poem so this is missing a few lines however it follows the convention of a shakesperean sonnet other than the four missing lines. Your rhyme scheme is nice and you did it so that it sounds natural with no forced rhymes which is the hardest part of writing a sonnet.
One thing I really like about the poem is the lively language and active verbs-also, the internal rhyme withing the lines is great.
Overalll this is a great poem.
Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-13 20:38:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Marcia,
A delightful one, this! I loved the whole tongue-in-cheek tone and lightheartedness here. Very well done. It's nice to smile through a poem. Thanks for that. I'm not sure if you did this on purpose or not, chalk it up to being pretty new here still and not knowing you all that well yet, but if you did, it's very clever to put the last two lines in the "Additional notes section," so as to poke fun at those who critique a sonnet to the letter of the law, and to have just casually "plunked" them there, is hilarious.
If that wasn't your intention, however, at least I had a good laugh! Anyway, I quite enjoyed it. I do have a few punctuation sort of minor suggestions, for feedback, so I'll put them here. Of course, please take it with a grain of salt, and if you don't care to use them, no worries! I'm just glad you were willing to put it out there to let the likes of me at it. Thanks for sharing!
By The Seat Of My Pants [love it!]
It’s by the seat of these blue jeans I write
With passion for the newly-written words
As pictures, colors[,] slice the winds of night
And come to rest like strange nocturnal birds
A flutter[,] now and then[,] as places change[.]
Some words are not content upon my page[;]
They want to fly more fences on the range[.]
Well, fare-thee-well--go quickly to engage
Another poet’s choice when words are sought
But we will meet again soon, like as not[.]
Copyright © May 2004 Marcia McCaslin
Additional Notes:
O please to let this be a sonnet
If not, just tack "A Rhyme" upon it
Thanks again for brightening up my day!
Warm regards,
Don
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-05-10 16:19:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The right line count. measured cadence, the porpose of the poem is lod and clear to. I won't elaborate for it seems it's not eff3ctive to be long winded. It's a fine sonnet, with cadence, the lyrics blend well. Must go not seeing well enough to really critiquw right now.......Best, Jo Mo.adence soen't necessary mean ryhyme. for me at least in the contex of poems I don't ncessarily look at poem for the rhyme, it's nice when appropriate and unintentional, I's a ditrect, and well written poem that suits it's uintent.
Best. Joanne Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-10 14:54:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Marcia, no only is it a sonnet, but you have achieved a perfect iamic pentameter
count on every line. The poem is charming and the end couplet very clever.
By The Seat Of My Pants
It’s by the seat of these blue jeans I write [good sharp scene setting]
With passion for the newly-written words
As pictures, colors[,] slice the winds of night [great metaphor]
And come to rest like strange nocturnal birds [love odd messenger birds]
A flutter now and then as places change
Some words are not content upon my page [nice imagistic leap]
They want to fly more fences on the range [does this mean over fences?]
Well, fare-thee-well--go quickly to engage
Another poet’s choice when words are sought
But we will meet again soon, like as not
Indeed - they will come flying home ! Brava Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-10 00:02:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Marcia
Unless with hubris I have lost my mind
A more sincere critique I'll never find
Warm regards,
Mark.
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