This Poem was Submitted By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-05-10 10:57:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Just For Fun

When I take my last breath and I mount the white steed, Without bridle or saddle we’ll go; I’ll clutch to the mane, let the horse take the lead To that wonderful place we all know. Saint Peter will smile as we slow for the gates And with humble respect I’ll ride in, Not knowing for sure what adventure awaits But knowing I have to begin. There’ll be a short quiz for the newcomers then, “A standard procedure,” they’ll say. “Just write what you liked about where you’ve just been And events that have shaped you today.” I’ll sit down to a PC with pearl qwerty board, As fast as the lightning can flash, Where mistakes are corrected before I am scored And carried away to the Trash. I ‘ll contemplate what was important to me And the pictures will rush to my mind: The climb of a mountain, the shade of a tree, The way that events intertwined, The friends that I made and the ones that I lost, The lessons I finally learned, The bridges I built and the bridges I crossed And, with heartache, the bridges I burned. I’ll mention some good times, and some that were bad, Consider some choices I made, Thank God for the use of the talents I had (and point out all the times that I prayed.) And after my story is pretty much through, I ‘ll go back just to check it and see, And add that: “I think that’s enough about You!" "I think we should talk about ME.”

Copyright © May 2004 Marcia McCaslin


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-06-04 23:26:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi Marcia, I miss having you around here. Please don't leave us! We need you. I know what you're doing is really cool, but can't you stay here too? This one sure reads like a humorous little country ditty with a nice rhyme scheme. Needs a differnet name though. That one is not catchy enough for a country music song, ya know.*smile* Something like "Meetin My Maker" or "My Judgement Day" These are my favorite lines: "I’ll sit down to a PC with pearl qwerty board, As fast as the lightning can flash, Where mistakes are corrected before I am scored And carried away to the Trash." The ending's cute too. Did you make a song out of it? Thanks for sharing. It made my day Blessings, Jennifer


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 22:18:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marcia, I know why you are a song writer. You have such a talent to make the words flow and to sind when you ready them. This light hearted look at the "great beyond" reads so well, and from a cowgirls point of view. I love the visual pictures that you put in here, so much I could see the pearly keyboard and all. Thanks for sharing this joyous poem with me, it made my heart sing. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-29 09:35:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72000
Marcia, how clever, I like the form of this poem it works well for religous verse and also the rhyme adds levity and humour that makes the last line even more fitting. I also like the idea of a pc in heaven so many people have this idea of heaven as the 1700's with wings its nice to see this idea of a modern heaven. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Anne Korb On Date: 2004-05-28 22:26:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
I'm still laughing. What a wonderful poem....not at all frightening, considering the topic...very lighthearted and yet serious. A couple of times the metre got a bit skewed, but not enough to criticize [I’ll sit down to a PC with pearl qwerty board,] and [I ‘ll contemplate what was important to me]...keep writing, I loved it and would love to see some more of your work.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-22 04:18:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Hi Marcia, What a nice adventure with white steed. It sounds like it is portraying the time when we are about to enter the gate of heaven and meet St. Peter when we die. Hehe! Your "Just For Fun" piece is more than a fun but a way of reflecting the lives we are living. "There’ll be a short quiz for the newcomers then, "A standard procedure," they’ll say. "Just write what you liked about where you’ve just been And events that have shaped you today." It's really an adventure as there'll be a short quiz for the new comers. It's like a true life that you will be tested according to the standard procedure. Very nice with the concept of schooling. The use of the description "qwerty" seems to have a significant in manifesting the scene. It sounds like it connotes the old time where modern technology is not yet seen. "The friends that I made and the ones that I lost, The lessons I finally learned, The bridges I built and the bridges I crossed And, with heartache, the bridges I burned." The metaphor of the bridges is strong. It's connotes that you are living your life seriously with a foundation. And along the heartache, you are strong enough to burn the faulty bridges. I expect that the ending lines would be like these: "And add that: "I think that’s enough about ME!" "I think we should talk about YOU." Just a thought for fun! Thanks for sharing this, Marcia. I can see its profundity along with the fun. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-11 04:06:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Marcia--Excellent and apt title. However, an even better group of rhyming quatrains: lots of work went into ensuring that these (rhymes) flowed naturally without (seemingly) being forced. The speaker takes the reader(s) through an excellent satirical/witty progression of a possible/ potential final reckoning. Superb imaginative accountability proceedures produces some vivid humorous imagery. My favorite passage is the entire last stanza: a great twist/turn ending and extra funny. Thanks for this read and the laugh/enjoyment it gave me. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-05-10 20:08:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marcia, I read this at work, and really enjoyed it. RThe idea is creative, the imagery good, and the sense of humor, excellent! I enjoyed the rhythm of the poem as it lilted on down the path, and tried to picture what kind of horse you were riding. (I settled for a 5 gaited saddlebred, so all meters were covered.)The poem sort of canters along; not a collected canter, a nice unrestrained comfortable canter. I wondered what a qwerty board was. Would you tell me? The part I particularly liked was, "The bridges I built and the bridges I crossed And, with heartache, the bridges I burned." That seems so very human, and really appealed to my emotions. I have no suggestions for change. Thanks for the gift, Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-10 17:38:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Marcia, Well...this poem is so much fun about a dire subject. Your wit comes through in every line. In the first stanza I just love the idea of mounting a white steed without bridle or saddle....that is so clever and immediately the reader gets set for a fun and winsome ride. Every stanza has perfect rhyme and flows with ease from one line to the other but never sacrifices the intent or scheme. Sign of a great poet, if you ask me! A short quiz for newcomers made me laugh out loud. 'The climb of a mountain, the shade of a tree'..wonderful memories...the friends you made and the ones you lost...the bridges you burned and the lessons you learned...your words were 'finnaly learned'...that is the truth...isn't it. Some lessons are only learned as we mature in life. As a young person we just can't be bothered with some lessons...they are just to hard or just to far away to think about. Your ending is priceless...'I think that is enough about you..I think we should talk about me! Love this..thanks for making my day! Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-10 16:36:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marcia, A witty and enjoyably amusing work of form verse. I enjoyed the steadiness of the structure while I waited to see how the tale progressed. A clever finish and twist at the end. I liked your humorous nudge at death and how you'll approach it. A wonderful entrance to heaven, I must say. I hope we all go out like that. My favorite part was the report you had to write to reflect upon your time on earth. How interesting that a poet should write as a way of processing one's mortality. I loved, "pearl qwerty board..." That was my favorite line...simply brilliant. Your form was effortless, and went right along with the rest of it. A fine poem, and I'm glad you shared it with us. Warm regards, Don
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