Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-05-14 18:11:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors

I wish I knew if geraniums are always plants or sometimes veiled angels. In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces surely wait. Their strong stems, like long leafy arms, rise up and out as if to praise their Maker. They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. Seeing their faces, feeling their whispers on my skin, I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors nearly see them wink.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-06-07 22:52:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Hi Joanne, You have a talent for writing such creative titles that lure me into reading them. What an intriguing combination of words this one is! "Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors" makes me wonder immediately what the three have in common with eachother. "I wish I knew if geraniums are always plants or sometimes veiled angels." And what a great opening line! Right away you personify the geraniums and make them your very special guardian angels. This has a childlike simplicity and innocence that is charming and completely disarming. The imagry already taking hold... "In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces surely wait." This inspires the reader to imagine the geranium/angels to look very much like a child wearing a flower costume in the school play or similar to those Anne Geddes baby pictures! The 'heaven I hope to reach' is a great way to throw in there that you want to hang out with these lovely creatures for eternity. Not to mention a great way to say you have faith and hope in the Lord. "Their strong stems, like long leafy arms, rise up and out as if to praise their Maker." I have often thought that the leafy stems of flowers look like they are holding their arms out to give the Glory to their Creator. You keep developing this imagry and personification that does exactly that. Gives the Glory to the MAker! "They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk." This is a lovely way to add music into the poem not only with the hyms and tunes, but in your poetics, using alliteration of like/leafy/long and strong/stems, sweet-lipped/signals, and assonance of lipped/signals, bees/me, blue/tunes, hum/dusk. What a symphony! "Seeing their faces,----seeing/feeling assonance is lovely! feeling their whispers on my skin, I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors---YES! thats beautiful nearly see them wink." Wow! Joanne, you have created such magic in these lines! To think of their whispers on my skin tickling my face as I breath in their pink aroma of angels and see them blazing like meteors. That is just heavenly! And the last line , all by itself is set apart by itself for emphasis. The imagry here is delectable! All I can say is GLORY! You've done it again! Bless you. Jennifer ps and you better not stay up half the night just to give last minute critiquers like me a rating! I don't need one! Just ran out of time and couldn't let this one go by.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-06-07 22:32:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne, Always luminous in words, bright and amazing as a pregnant moon! That’s how I see your writings, its soul reaching! And this one says it all in excellence! “Their strong stems, like long leafy arms, rise up and out as if to praise their Maker.” --- I like the humbleness of these words. Adding “Maker” made it perfect! Your subjects…your storytelling…your style…is always a “charmer”. You never fail to entertain and inspire readers. With quality and lyrical genius, I have no questions on why your poems are always in top spot. You are truly an inspiration to us amateur poets! Hail on you Joanne! You deserve it! Keep them pouring…these “flowers”, “bees”, “meteors”, “dragonflies”, “young birds”, “rain”, "beach", “spring”, “pond”, etc. I find your words “eternal”! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-06-06 21:32:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
This isn't a critique, Joanne, but an expression of delight! The personification is so skilfully sustained. The speaker's own response to these flowers is integrated within each line, so it becomes almost an echo of a child's reaction to a happy, loving God. For some reason, I think of the laughing Buddha figurine. There's a beatific expression on his round face, as there is on these bright blossoms. He invites happiness rather than solemn worship, as do the posies themselves. But beneath the smiling exterior, we still know that a divinity is present. Perhaps this is a commentary on our human approach to the sacred; perhaps we need to lighten up and accept that a deity is as likely to appreciate humor and enjoyment as we are (after all, S/He created all this for our use and pleasure). Your sonic elements are, as always, wondrous, as here: .. sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. The assonance of the u, the alliterative h, the internal rhyme of "blue tunes", all blend into a splendid chorus. Then there's the imagery ... Ironically, there were small pots of geraniums at the tables for my retirement banquet last night (well, not just mine - there were 11 of us departees). Love this one! Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-30 10:30:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
This poem, like all your poems, was gobbled up so quickly that it was at the bottom of my critiquing list so I grabbed it anyway before the month ends. Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors wonderful title - lots of dramatic contrast and beautiful phrasing I wish I knew if geraniums are always plants or sometimes veiled angels. astounding speculation to begin this piece. In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces surely wait. The plants are assured a place in heaven but not the narrator! Wonderful as it pulls us right into the scene with its specificity. This reminds me [but not too closly to worry about] of cummings marvelous poem: If there are any heavens my mother will(all by herself)have one. It will not be a pansy heaven nor a fragile heaven of lilies-of-the-valley but it will be a heaven of blackred roses my father will be(deep like a rose tall like a rose) standing near my (swaying over her silent) with eyes which are really petals and see nothing with the face of a poet really which is a flower and not a face with hands which whisper This is my beloved my (suddenly in sunlight he will bow, & the whole garden will bow) -------------------------------------- but i digress....the next stanza Their strong stems, like long leafy arms, rise up and out as if to praise their Maker. might be stronger if it were more affirmative: rise up to praise their maker ------------------------- They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon,[lovely] hum blue tunes at dusk. Seeing their faces, feeling their whispers [love this sensory section] on my skin, I [-almost] glimpse them blazing like pink meteors [-nearly] see them wink.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-22 11:15:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32258
Jo So many wonderful submissions this month. The poetic stars are aligned. This is classic Joanne: the naturalist's poet. While I'm beating around the bush Or strolling a fairway I'll try to find a worthy subject. Something feathered or furry. Or maybe a bug. But probably just a cold beer. And a long list of poetic mishaps. :) t.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-05-20 08:48:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Joanne, This is a great poem. I too love geraniums and plant them in my window boxes every summer. "Whispers on the skin" is a fine metaphor for the way these plants affect us. You leave some doubt with the line "Nearly see them wink." about the nature of the plants and their flowers which is a nice twist. I always like your poems Ed Krizek

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-05-19 15:41:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne, I liked this moment of thought and emotion. I'm not flower knowlegeble, but heaven sounds good to me this way! There was one image that struck me as being out of balance. "hum blue tunes at dusk." I say out of balance, because all the other flower imagery is unexpected, and "the blues" is very much expected as the next words. Does that make sense? It just struck me as I was reading, so I had to stop and reread to see why my unconscious hesitated. Otherwise, I think this is quite good. Take care, Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-17 12:38:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Joanne–As always the nature tie-ins. Also, in this aptly titled piece another reference to reincarnation (“...veiled angels.”). This one is saturated with great personifications (technically each stanza is committed to that vein). The similes aren’t too bad either (my favorite stanza is #3), which again is a statement to the speaker’s devotion. The combinations (simile/personification) in stanzas #3, 5 and 6 produce some awesome imagery (especially- “...I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors(;) nearly see them wink.”) I like the sparse punctuation, but for an unknown reason I want to place a semi-colon in stanza #5 line #5 at the end of “meteors;” (why? Probably some personal peeve-smile.) Thanks for sharing another picturesque goody. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-05-16 17:52:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Enchanted Emeritus: This will be brief and it is grand not to have to explain. First, I love this poem starring geraniums but I want the title to be "Blue Tunes At Dusk." That is one of the loveliest phrases you've written to date and as memorable as purple pansies standing in the rain. Some images you create are forever which proves Keats correct about things of beauty. I wish I knew if geraniums are always plants or sometimes veiled angels. Just exquisite. I first envisioned pink/cerise/white veils a la Salome and then I imagined tiny geraniums with their hands folded, wearing purdahs. Little Islamic flowers. Or mantillas. Little Spanish flowers. In the heaven I hope to reach their plump faces surely wait. Heaven/hope/reach...sometimes I must comment despite myself. That their veiled little faces are plump is perfect. Quintessential. I picture them planted all along the sides of the gate where your angel awaits you. Today the gate is opaline, nacreous. Their strong stems, like long leafy arms, rise up and out as if to praise their Maker. Great simile in keeping with my notion of their prayerful attitude. The long A sound in S 3, line 4: praise/Maker produces a sweet chiming of bells. We will ignore the majesty of your allits in lines 1 and 2 and your seven susurrant sounds which are their whispered orations and orisons. They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. My favorite stanza. Hot/hymn/hum and bees/me...oh, my goodness...it never ends. They don't permeate the air with aroma, they "fling sweet-lipped signals." If I ever write anywhere near the magesty of "coral hymns at noon", I will declare myself Laureate of TPL and demand apposite adoration from every member. Seeing their faces, ....little plump cherub-faced flowers at their prie-dieux.... feeling their whispers on my skin, I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors nearly see them wink. Another wondrous simile and a personification as well. I envision their wink as one of those that accompany an elbow nudge. One anticipates gazing and you render "blazing". Sweet touch. Their whispers would somehow smell of peppermint for me. Is the use of "see" twice deliberate? Knowing you, it is. If not, you might consider "catch, note, spy" their wink. Morris tarradiddle. I DO believe at THIS moment that THIS is my favorite of your complete body of work although I'll never forget pansies and Ms. Tsa. Of course, being the enchantress I know, you will top this one at a later date but for now, Ta-dah: # 1. Nekk

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-15 03:42:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Auntie Joanne, Once again, the atmosphere of your poem is synonymous to your previous submissions. There is a high level of spirituality. My spirit is always lifted up and I almost wonder realizing your thoughts! I almost could compare this to "Insects and Other Tiny Nations"! "I wish I knew if geraniums are always plants or sometimes veiled angels." How your thoughts conversed with nature and relate it to heavenly things (veeiled angels)! How your mind soared so high on this one! "In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces surely wait." The visuals is very wonderful! I would love watching you reaching the plump faces in the heaven! In the third stanza, I salute you in recognizing the Maker of all the wonderful things in the world! We do the same, praising the Maker of life! And here comes the appearance of the bees, I want to be one of these bees. Very tuneful and wishful! And the ending is more than wonderful! Thank you very much, Auntie Joanne! I am excited for your next submission. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-14 19:21:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
geraniums are sometimes veiled angels. In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces, long leafy arms, rise up and out as if in praise. They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. Seeing their faces, feeling their whispers on my skin, I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors nearly see them wink. Joanne, I would not go with exactly what I did to the top of your poem because it changes it too much from your intention. However, I might tighten that up a little. This is really a beautiful poem and a nice vision of both heaven and the geraniums. I enjoyed this. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-14 18:30:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Joanne, How lovely this one is! I'm seeing a glimpse of a "Blue Dragonfly" hovering just over your shoulder as you wrote this one. Again, very "oliveresque" with the style here. Love it! In stanza 2, do you mean, heaven[s]/I hope to reach"? I love the personification with the strong stems and leafy arms. Wonderfully done. This is my FAVORITE stanza (below). Just rolls out like honey to the ear, to the reader's eye. The best is, "hot coral hymns." You nailed it with that one! They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. Amazing. Simply amazing! What's great about this ending is how you set it up with the pretense of the hymn they sing and you give all this wonderfully precise, visual imagery that focuses in on their "faces"--this is masterful work! This just makes me about crazy, trying to lean into the page close enough so I can almost hear what they're singing. Loved it, loved it. A sweet evening ride. Thanks for sharing, Warm regards, Don

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!