Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-05-27 22:52:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

japanese verse 49 (Eclipse)

Pirate of darkness Ambushed the moment to steal The jewel of light

Additional Notes:
- a solar eclipse

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-06-02 13:58:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Pirate of darkness Ambushed the moment to steal The jewel of light Lovely sentiment. We can see clarly, by this dimmed light a whole adventure in perception.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 22:43:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow Erzahl, this is so cool! Beautiful description in such beautiful words. I especially liked the last line it caps it perfectly. The jewel of light, how majic! Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-29 11:47:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Erzahl–It doesn’t matter how hard we practice and how often we post (and I ‘m sure most of us will keep trying), we can’t seem to lessen the distance between our version of the Japanese verse and yours. The use of nonliteral language for your “Eclipse” recall for me the practice of some third world country stealing the wife of their neighbor(s) during the night while they sleep. However, unlike your scenario, this activity is carried out with the aid/cooperation of the one being stolen . Moreover, it’s a dangerous undertaking and capture of the conspiring parties is dealt with rather harshly. Having literally watched an eclipse through special glasses, your explanation create some vivid imagery. Thanks for sharing another fresh imaginative piece. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-29 09:14:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72000
Erzahl, I am not sure I could have come up with a solar eclipse from your poem but knowing what you were intending I think you chose exactly the right words pirate of darkness is perfect it implies theft and kidnap and disruption. I enjoyed this one. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-28 11:32:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63158
Re: "japanese verse 49 (Eclipse)" Writer: "Pirate of darkness" LJMc: Imaginative, to say the least. The mind must surely dance in far-off journies to achieve this degree of word selection. [This reader wishes he were stronger in this part of the creative process.] Writer: "Ambushed the moment to steal" LJMc: The moon had no say in this matter. It was a waylay that offered the victim little choice. The writer's creativity comes to the fore again in conceiving the booty to be time. And, the reader can see it, a moment of time stolen from what the moon considers year after year, to be normal. Writer: "The jewel of light" LJMc: Oh, it is indeed a jewel, for without it we would be deprived one of the incomperable gifts of Creation. The writer has demonstrated one of the fascinations of haiku: the ability to design remarkable mental pictures with few words. In the particular case, the few words amount to a strict adherence to the genre's form. Good work! A fellow poet, Lennard McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-28 10:19:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Erzahl, I find this japanese verse to be truly exquisite! First, the subject is such a facinating one. Solar eclipses have always intrigued me. As usual every word you use weighs in perfectly to balance and harmonize the piece. The idea of the moon being associated with the pirate of darkness is romantic and adventurous. The use of 'ambushed' clicks for this reader, going perfectly with the idea of the pirate. And then, 'moment' clicks again as it ticks and to think that the eclipse lasts just a moment and in that moment it's like time stands still. Then, 'steal the jewel of light'----This word, 'steal' is significant in that it implys the taking of something (again in reference to a pirate) that belongs to someone else. Our jewel of light is taken from us for that moment in time. Your "L"s sing and soar! Thanks for the adventure! Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-28 08:55:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38462
now i am hoping ee rid his computer of the evilness t.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-27 23:45:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Hi Erzahl, Glad to see your work again! Glad to catch it up in my list. Hey, this one is wonderful with its language formulation. You are so accurate in your descriptions. "Pirate of darkness" ---yep, the methaphor is true! I remember the movie, "Pirate of the Carribean"! Hehe! But I missed to watch it! "Ambushed the moment to steal The jewel of light" Remarkably fine! No wonder, it's Erzahl! Always, stunningly fresh! How's work? Just asking! Jordan

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!