Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-08-15 16:22:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Orphan

An orphan cannot turn to the shadows of ancestors to fill the void in "Who am I?", and I cannot turn to mine to fill the void of "Who were you?" I'm equal to the orphan who seeks everlasting family bonds, to quench the dryness in my throat with unconditional love, still believing in the idea that blood is blood no matter..... Would now in the midst of life rather have been born the orphan, then to have had the misconception of family love my whole life.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-09-06 20:55:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
I am behind on my reading. As I tried to catch all the poems to pick which to vote for, I read yours and had to stop to say a couple of things. I empathize with the plight revealed in this poem, but I admire the sentiment of faith in heritage. I chose the other route. I have kids of my heart, but not of my blood. I look forward to the day that I am an orphan too. This is a beautifully written poem that really called to me. Thank you for sharing it. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-09-04 02:14:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90625
What a well written sorrful plea, to be or not to be. Listen there are those with families identified who still cannot identify. It is difficult to know they are are, but where. Is it better at the point of life, well, life is precious, and we should regard our place in the scheme of things to be where the Good Lord intented. To start asnew to claim your birthright, which is yours, yourself, and new members, well they count on you for ancestorhood, for that's the purpose you fulfill. Sorry, I'm getting too wordy here, I meant to let you know, how your poem affected the senses, and makes one think, it's wonderful in the way it is phrased, and causes introspection. The reason I get wordy is my oldest Grandson was adopted 19 years ago. I miss him terribly. I know he's well situited, well, and successful, my thoughts are purely selfish, for it could have been different, that would have been my preference. See the poem causes introspection, you're precious in your own right, we're better for you being here, now cherish the you, the one that truly counts, and I believe love surrounds, all we have to do is recognize it. Great poem, one I wouldn't have missed. May I say it's a pleasure to welcome you here, and I hope your stay is long and enjoyable. Your poem containes emotion, sorry and all the human qualities, and you projected it very well....congratulations. Best regards, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 19:00:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
An orphan will most likely never know their biological parents because of circumstance. And, sometimes, biological children will never really know their own blood parents...perhaps because of the pressures of the modern world, work and fast pace taking precidence over family, perhaps because of apathy...who knows what other reasons there are for the lack of bonding between child and parents. Which is easier? Or are both positions, that of biological ignored child, and the kept in the dark circumstanced orphan, equally difficult? Perhaps one day we may be able answer these questions, or better still, avoid the reasons for them being asked. I wish you well.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-27 11:24:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17857
After reading this ten times I still can't come up with one suggestion of improvement and yet I keep thinking theres something to suggest.Just one of those strange feelings I guess. I'm equal to the orphan who seeks everlasting family bonds, to quench the dryness in my throat with unconditional love, Is my favorite part, although that last line really is a good summing up

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-25 16:45:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Hi DeniMari, I feel the pathos in this piece...the longing to understand a loved one...so much so that the poet feels like an orphan. Someone who knows not where her lineage lies... a soulful and solitary feeling. The poet cannot turn to the 'shadows' to fill the emptiness of 'who am I.? But even more disturbing she cannot fill the void of 'who were you.? The past tense makes me believe the question of, who were you, is asked of someone who you just discovered or who has left your life.....for whatever reason. The poet leaves the reader in a quandry and enables her to draw her own conclusions. Mystry can make any writing so intriguing and brings a longing to know more. You have done a supburb job of making this piece rather mysterious...you write just enough to compel the reader to ask for more! The last line...'the misconception of family love my whole life' gives me a feeling of saddness for what the poet has missed and now an adult, she yearns for the feeling of closeness a family brings even more. Well done! Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-18 04:24:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
DeniMari--This one reads like a History Poem (if taken literally): it seem to illustrate an awful painful part of the speaker's life. The title itself conjures up a unfortunate image through its very nature. And, the speaker contrast/lament their own life in an even darker light. IMO lines #12 thru #16 infers a recent revealation caused this pessimism to surface; "Would now in the midst of life rather have been born the orphan, (than vs then) to have had the misconception of family love my whole life." I did notice some small punctuation hiccups: after question "Who Am I?", (no need for comma) Perhaps the comma could be moved to line #4 behind "and" after it has been capitalized (And, I cannot..."). In line #11: "...blood is blood no matter....." three eclipsis (... or ***) are used to show missing leter(s)/word(s). Of course none of these nit-picks affect the vivid imagery of the work. The tone of the offering is an excellent combination of disappointment, hurt, heartbreak, disillusionment and bitterness. Hopefully, the penning of this piece can serve as a catharsis so that healing may began and allow the protagnist to move on. Please except my apology if I've misstated your intentions. Thanks for sharing/posting such a well written poignant and personal piece. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-08-16 11:24:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni; This work is poignant, filled with the angst of one who is searching for hidden connections where none had been understood, or needed before. The family trauma which caused this disruption in your relationships, cannot be discerned. I would assume a parent(one or both)has been found not to be the biological (or blood relative). I hope the main character in your work can find it within them to go beyond the base blood relationship, and search the interpersonal relationship built on experience which truly tells the tale of love and familial roles and caring. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful work.. Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-08-15 19:13:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, your poem does a good job of conveying the pain that can come from families with warped or destructive type of love. Sometimes it truly would be easier to have been an orphan. My favorite part of the poem is the section on not being able to count on family bounds to quench the dryness of the throat that is a very visceral image you can feel it deep inside your body. Sandra

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!