This Poem was Submitted By: Edwin John Krizek On Date: 2004-08-18 21:29:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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A little drop of joy falls slowly from a place of longing and reaches my heart between beats. I feel the warmth  of my emotion like electricity tingling in my gut. Now with my senses  on high, I venture out to search the gloom for one perfect rose standing purely in the rain.

Copyright © August 2004 Edwin John Krizek

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-09-09 23:55:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I enjoyed this. I like the "...senses on high" after the "electricity...gut" You, in a very short and to the point verse, say a great deal. The search for the perfect rose! I am smitten by the concept. However, along the path of gloom we must not overlook the children of the lesser garden. Thanks.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-09-06 10:46:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Lovely minimalist piece. The drop is a microcosm, in which the speaker sees something pefect and perhaps unattainable. That it is joy, arising from longing, suggests that we can realize wonder despite great pain. Without the latter, how would we recognize the former? It is interesting that this description reverses the mystical flow of kundalini energies which begin at the lower spine/gonads and then work upward. The droplet parallels the descent of enlightenment or a kind of psychic pentecost, with a small-p. "Senses on high" implies heightened attunement, a readiness for discovery. I like the strength of the "p" consonance towards the end. It imitates the sound of a falling droplet and also closes with a determined effect. This makes me think of Diogenes with his lantern, seeking one honest man. But the lantern, in this case, is the speaker's own soul, illuminating from within. Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-09-02 19:14:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Once upon a time I found my rose..but I wasn't looking. And my rose still exists, and as the memory is held dear within the beats of my heart, I can totally relate. I hope you find your rose, and if you already have, that you will be reunited someday. Lovely sentiment. Romantically charming. Just a note to tell you I enjoyed this. Happy searching.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-08-26 16:35:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Hi Ed, This terse but well written poem that really tugs at me. A search for one perfect rose standing purely in the rain....I feel the pathos here and even though I hate to say this it is will probably never find a 'perfect rose.'...'a little drop of joy falls slowly from a place of longing and reaches my heart between beats'..this is a perfect line. It tells the reader that this poet is searching for something he may never find..but he longs for it just the same....'I feel the warmth of my emotion like tingling of electricity in my gut' the poets longing has now become almost painful but he searches on...'now with my senses on high I venture out to search the gloom'.. for the perfect rose I find myself wondering if you have found her and if you have not are you still searching? The the so sad to me. The poets world is gloomy and he knows if he can find that perfect rose he will certainly find happiness. I must admit I felt akin to this when my husband passed away..but over time those feelings fade and are replaced by a contentment for the way life is now...for me anyway. In reading this over severl times I find that it says more in what it does not say than just the words on paper. Good read...thanks for posting this for all to read. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-08-23 21:51:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Ed, a pleasant and easy read. Nice form for this short, emotional piece. Lines 4 & 5 create a sense of urgency, and leads the reader on into the central theme, the warm emotion (love, I imagine) described with that very powerful "electrical" simile. The only (and minor) thing I might suggest, would be to seek another synonym for "purely" in the next to last line. I am not sure that even a rose would do that, although it certainly is a "pure" expression of love. I don't know, just seems a little awkward. No big deal, for it is a soft word that fits the tenor of the poem. Best wishes. Wayne
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-08-22 14:02:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
I see desire charging up a path looking for the single moment within all moments, your poem snatched these to lines from within my skulls' contents, I think its always a plus for a poem to inspire, thanks for letting me read it
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-08-19 21:40:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Edwin--This is definitely one of several kinds of poem I like: short, concise and romantic. The speaker/protagnist describes being motivated by what could be easily taken as some type of epiphancy-which he acts on. This call to action sends him on a "quixotical" quest; "...out to search the gloom for one perfect rose standing in the rain." Great metaphor for someone to love and an excellent ending to a piece that shows another side and the versatility of an outstanding poet. Thanks for sharing this effort with TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-08-19 19:11:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Edwin, This poem has a sad tone to it, "little drop of joy", "search the gloom for one perfect rose", depicting the little of what the writer has hope for. I enjoyed reading this and particularly like the first five lines. Great imagery used with these words! The next four lines are equally as good allowing the reader to feel this warm emotion the writer is experiencing - the tingling in the gut. At this point I think the piece drifts off a little, because the reader wants to know why your senses have been tuned up. Perhaps I'm not completely comprehending your intention in this piece, would you clarify this for me in your response to see what I missed. I enjoy your reads, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this. Sincerely, DeniMari
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