This Poem was Submitted By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-10-08 09:59:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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If Mr. Right is 90 proof Slowly friends will appear aloof Each time it is the “one time goof” You are the victim of your spoof Family will start to hit the roof What you treasure will all go “poof”!

Copyright © October 2004 Andrea M. Taylor

Additional Notes:
Alcohol is not only a mistress

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-24 17:14:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29730
Andrea, Alcohol is a big mistake as your poem professes. [so well] As is drugs, cigarretes and all such. They pull your strings like a puppet and the you dance. They own the power. poof! Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-13 17:42:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47826
Andrea, you are so right (smile). Wow, I've never read this in a poem before, but I'm glad that you did. I just ended a conversation with a friend who fears that her daugther might be making the wrong college decision. With young people and older ones, especially who have close families, it's always an issue. Choosing "Mr. Right" is a major thing for a woman, and in most cases, it has to be someone the family enjoys if you enjoy your family. You have written a poem that most teen-aged girls will be able to identify. There are plenty of horror stories about daughters bringing home Mr. Wrong. The good thing is that you will "treasure" many things and many people, and if it's meant to last, it will. I believe in love, but I mostly believe in destiny and fate. If it's wrong, it's wrong. But when it's right, it'll take flight. Thanks for sharing a great poem which provoked my thinking. Great job. Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-12 12:26:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
I think you should drop the "will" in the 2nd line "Slowly friends will appear aloof" to promote rhythm and flow. Also in the first couplet, your 1st line is cause, 2nd line is effect, but that pattern is not consistent in the last two. You might try to make them cause and effect for contiuity. The second couplet is a bit awkward as far as its meaning. You might try some different wording to promote clarity. Overall, I really like this. It's short and sweet, and kind of cute.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-12 06:19:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Andrea--This is a dark humor rhyme about a dreadful subject and packs a powerful message! I really like the descriptive demeanor: non-preaching, non-threatening, non-accusative, yet include/portray most of the negative/ serious aspects of alcohol abuse and/or alcoholism. Hopefully, this approach will create a wider readership which in-turn produce cautionary and desireable results. The title seem to inference a directive from an adult/parental figure toward a teenager/young adult and is a definite attention-getter. A piece of this nature is always timely due to seriousness of the topic. Thanks for sharing/presenting this in a light manner. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Robert Wyma On Date: 2004-10-10 16:12:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
An honest poem that speaks to the dangers that the young often hear, but cannot seem to get. This poem captures the dark trail alcohol can burn for all adults, especially our young who seldom exercise the power of choice in its most potent ways. I thought 90 looked odd as a numerical value instead of being written out, but it is commonly displayed this way, so it is in context. Well done and thanks for sharing. Robert
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-08 11:27:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
The first two lines are the sounds of paranoia, the second two of the mistakes your prone to and of course the last is how we can lose all all of this from a nasty addiction which could be extended to other drugs as well, Thanks for letting me read and comment. The poem flowed real well.
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