This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-15 13:17:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tree haiku #3

Willow leaves whisper, blossomed trees exhibit mute watercolor sounds

Copyright © October 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-06 21:31:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Joanne, this is exquisite! Those whispering "w"s get me every time! I adore willow trees! They are my second favorite next to Poplar trees. The image and sound of the first line is enough to make me feel giddy from drink. But no there's much more here. Good thing I'm sitting down. :) "exhibit" is such an excellent choice of words here. The "blossomed trees" don't just wear the color. Nope, they "exhibit watercolor sounds". Wow. My eyes and ears feel caressed by God's creations. And I thank you for that! Blessings again and again, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-02 20:25:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Watercolor is a perfect partner for a Willow tree! I don’t like to use this word but I’d say it was genius. This is the feel, sound, and look of my favorite tree! I’ll never again see a willow tree without thinking of a watercolor painting come to life. Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-11-01 22:33:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joanne, Wonderful “w” alliteration...the sound is contagious...yet the words are appropriate! You always know how to compromise everything...from word usage, word meaning to lyrical beauty and setting of moods. Again, your words here are singing in melody and harmoniously intertwined. “watercolor sounds” – again, another unforgettable music to reader’s ears. These are original orchestration of your talent...very you in structure and style – that is outstanding and exceptional! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-30 18:34:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29412
Dear Joanne, And quaking aspen quake. Wilows also weep. Just wanted to tell you of my evergreen magnolia. It's got beautifull big glossy leaves and looms huge white magnolia flowers that smell like heaven when you catch a wiff. And now the trees covered in cones! [like the pine cone but larger.] I love trees........I have almonds/pears/apricot/apple/plums/peach/and am now picking persimmon. 16 trees in my front yard. They flower/produce/change color. Everything! And they tell you what they need if you listen. Good imagery Love to you, dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-10-25 11:47:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
"...whisper," connotes the idea of secrets. is "exhibit" the proper verb for "sounds" just wondering... tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-16 18:21:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55882
So very nice to see you your majesty. To my chagrin, I have no copies of the haiku I sent you. If you still have them, you may email to me @: if you like and I will post them. I'll be sure to put a little dedication to you somewhere, as without your examples to give me direction, they would never be. I doubt seriously that I could have created those without your own to inspire and guide, but we shall see. "trees exhibit watercolor sounds"--the sheer softness and sublety of that statement, the images it evokes in the mind's eye, creates a feeling I can't explain except. The lost, inadequate words bouncing around my head seeking parents are truth, beauty, and perfection. Now, because you know it's coming... sorrowful willows bowed with the weight of the world watch as spring dances
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-16 18:15:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.48485
Another beauty Joanne, In the first line I love the alliterative w's. I love alliteration, and I tend to use it a lot in not only my poems but also in public speeches (smile). But you begin this haiku well getting straight to a very important illustraion of the "tree" blossomed trees exhibit mute watercolor sounds This is awesome. Again you personify the trees and bring something creatively wonderful to life. MUTE watercolor sounds suggest that the trees sing silently a beauiful color. That's a profound statement there, but it's also a great observation to make about the nature that God gave us. In everything there is beauty, and you tend to have found the best in the trees that you personify and bring ot life in your haiku collection. Thanks for sharing this one. I also had a very peaceful feeling come over me as I read this poem. It was as if the heavens smiled as I read that last line. Great job. Latorial
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-16 11:49:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67857
Joanne--Your rash of Japanese Verses are quickly becoming a fine collection. These first two lines are excellent personifications, while the enjambment of line two and three doubles as hyperbole/oxymoron (what a feat!). I don't have any drawn out search for clarity (none needed), but I certainly think the vividness of imagery created by these descriptors are simply marvelous! Thanks for the goose-bumps. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-16 11:45:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joanne, I do love Haiku's and Ukiah's, and this one is filled with splendid imagery. On another not, I just last Friday used willows in a poem, soon to be published here, a pleasant type coincidence. I loved the first line, it is almost as if these English words were the Japenese equivalents, that is, each word of Japanese and Chinese were often formed from a greater story that single figures represent in the background, your first line is such, and here is what I read in it: There is the willows, often called "weeping willows", personally I prefer "introspective" willows, but that is another story. So we have willows, of obvious emotional states, whispering, as the breeze causes voice, some appearance of the willows condition may be discerned, but only to those ears willing to ingest and digest the story the willow speaks. The next line amplifies both the first and the last. There is a muteness in the first that somehow must be interpreted, but only by those willing to decipher other signs and substance, then there is the blossoming, (of course anyone who knows willows know it only begins in spring, but it is the heat of the summer that really brings to life the willow), and that blossoming amplifies the fact that there is a story to be told, but few are really listening, no matter the vibrancy/fertility of the teller. Lastly you bring out the only visuals of the poem, harkening back to the muteness that displays the soul of the tree, and the watercolors, (watercolors is an apt choice, water is a need for life of a tree, but also watercolors in a moment may be washed away by the very water that provides that life), and because of this, the last lines duality explains the beauty of mid-summer while prophesying the starkness of winters to come. One last item, the entire verse is easily set as the providence of humanity, who through stages both of “seasons” and of “lifespan” transmit a purpose or “theme” that few ever take the time to discover. Don’t know if all this was intended, but this is one of the most brilliant Haiku’s I have ever read. Wonderful Joanne. Wonderful!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-10-15 21:38:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Joanne, I see you've expanded your poetic experiments. This is lovely. Your vision in this piece is fluid, "blossomed trees exhibit mute watercolor sounds," beautifully expressed. Willows are one of my favorite trees, but for some reason, they make me feel lonely. I see you have several Haiku this month. As I have told Erzahl, I am much too long winded. I just have too much to say. For me to squeeze one thought into three lines, well, don't think I can make it happen, which is probably a good thing. You are so talented, Joanne. You must publish, make that lasting impression on the hearts of those who love your work. Best always, Wanda
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-15 13:20:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.89286
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