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This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-10-17 17:13:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Curtain Call

The time is nigh; I fear my soul shan’t dance Nor lift it's voice as able as before This struggle harsh, with lyricism poor My life's song stark, no more sweet melody With heart whose rhythm beats, in labored trance Plays scant, it's melancholic rhapsody

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-04 13:19:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67857
short and to the point. Heart felt moments here and I do hope you will dance and lift your voice to the heaven's and shout, "I'm alive one more day". It is very melancholy. Punctuation: it's s/b its, and life's s/b lifes.Otherwise well said in 6 lines. I like the title but hope it isn't.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marsha Steed On Date: 2005-11-03 12:43:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Nancy, I certainly hope this is not autobiographical. What a sweet but sad refrain to a life that apparently was rich in texture and lyric artistic choreography. You begin with the 'ah-ee' sounds of 'time' and 'nigh' and 'I'. All are high and nasalish in the head-voice and then softening quickly to 'a (&)' in 'shan't' and 'dance'. Moving further down the vocal register, as if the life itself was slowly diminishing, you slip into the longer 'ahs' of 'harsh' 'stark' 'heart' and 'scant' ending finally on the longest and lowest sounds of 'awl' and 'oh' of 'melancholic' and the slow long dulcet rhapsody; Brilliant work with the sounds of the piece directly indicating the meaning. The words themselves are wonderfully descriptive and offer images of a life well-lived and gracefully slowing. Sympathies combine with 'labored' and 'scant' and lastly 'melancholic'. All of this is tied so closely to the title, where your choices fulfill the image of the stage with the related imagery of curtains/ dance/ voice/ lyric/ rhythm and rhapsody. Each word relates to a stage performance. I do wonder, if you are not going to use periods, is it incongruent to use commas? It was slightly distracting to have partial punctuation but not complete punctuation. Very well done here, and if indeed it is a personal whisper, oh my . . . what a brave and heart-felt offering. M

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-10-20 01:32:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Hi there Nancy I'm not sure I've critiqued anything by you before. I'm not sure if this is a particular format or not although I do notice the A B B C A C rhyme scheme used excellently here. While shan't is correct grammatically since it is an abbreviation for "shall not," I've never seen it used with an apostrophe and might suggest just shant, but that's up so to you. Nice use of semi-colon. I do a bit of acting ( but not singing ) myself so am familiar with the nervousness about one's ability before the curtain goes up. You conveyed that accurately and nicely in this piece. Well done.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-10-18 00:34:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy--The title itself made me wary and as I continued to read, the subsequent (metaphoric) verbiage did nothing to allay my feel- ings. IMO, this excellent rimed but somber piece inference's an in- valid who has resigned to the fact he/she can no longer do those things that give their life joy and therefore, taking a 'last bow.' Hopefully, this is simply a poetical gem from the imaginative mind and pen of this talented poet. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-17 21:40:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, Your poem is well structured, good cadence. This smooth flowing read left this reader to reflect on the twilight years as they approach/are here, and all that many of us now face. However, I do believe I'm not quite ready to give up as yet although I have many a day I feel just as you've written, so now while the body is not quite willing I let the mind do the adventuring. Thank you for a delightful although poignant read and some mind food to reflect on. Kudos, great job. As Always, Lora

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