This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-09 13:07:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Life at ThePoeticLink

July 2000 I was born To a place where my virgin pen Began to explore The meadow of verses and poems,  The net of poetic horizons. Puerile in my ways, I dared take up the yolk Burdened with English constraint. Yet fingers were eager to stroke  The alphabet on the keyboard. I dared serving foods to pioneers, Became acquainted to some... Rachel, Thomas, Mark Steven and Joanne. Enticed by the $150 bait, I continued my chore to fish The unimportant weeds  But more on plucking lilies. Against the seemingly harmful bees, I tasted the honey-effusing nectar. A year later, I was confined to a cell Where the ink of my pen became ill I could no longer roll its ballpoint. Still longing to press the keys Yet the IP address seemed to vanish I could no longer connect to the site.  August 2003 I caught the magic, Became unfettered from the roots  that held me inside the cell. The ballpoint now seeping more sinew Eager to sustain the verses. With the encouragement of new friends in the link, Names too many to mention, Now developing my poetic skill In ThePoeticlink,      a cozy home to stay      until the ink becomes a void pixel.

Copyright © December 2003 Jordan Brendez Bandojo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-01-03 22:06:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94286
Dear Jordan, This is a unique tribute to TPL. Uniquely from your perspective of starting out as an outsider from a country where English, the language of this site, was not your native tounge. Actually, I would recommend you call this "My life at ThePoeticLink", as it is afterall written from your standpoint. For someone who was a virgin, burdened with the English constraint, you certainly have made me sit up and take notice of your powerful wielding of linguistics. Just imagining you "stroking the alphabet on your keyboard" seems seductively poetic,*Smile* as does "I tasted the honey-effusing nectar". My My My, Jordan, your gift is sometimes astounding to this reader. I'd say your writing must have matured alot since then, because you are not what I would consider the least bit "Puerile" in your musings at this point in time. The development of your craft at TPL is a definate advantage for the rest of us here. And yes, I agree that TPL is a cozy home for all of us to learn and grow and have fun. I enjoyed reading this very much, but I think "Poetry (in the Tradition of Science)" is the one for my voting list. You did make the decision hard though, with this sweet tribute. Thanks for sharing this, Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-01-03 15:50:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hey - thanks for the mention Jordan! And what a clever poem this is - I love the fresh language like" seeping sinew ballpoints" and "void pixel!" Welcome back and I hope you stay with us this time Best, Rachel
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-12-26 15:43:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Jordan: What a delightful confection of a poem! I read it with enjoyment, and am honored to find my name. You have given a gift with this piece which we will treasure long past the "void pixel." "July 2000 I was born" - a story of your birth here as a poet! How witty - the "virgin pen" and the "meadow of verses"! As well as the pun of "net of poetic horizons." Puerile in my ways, (As we all are, at the beginning, I believe.) I dared take up the yolk (Yoke? Or are you punning? <smile>) Burdened with English constraint. -- You write admirably with English as your second language. I cannot imagine myself learning another language and writing and critiquing poetry in it, even if I were younger. <smile> Yet fingers were eager to stroke The alphabet on the keyboard. I dared serving foods to pioneers, Became acquainted (with) some... Rachel, Thomas, Mark Steven and Joanne. --Thank you for the honor of inclusion with these 'true' stars of the link. Enticed by the $150 bait, I continued my chore to fish The unimportant weeds But more on plucking lilies. Yes - those were the days! The larger monetary reward made the contest even more enticing to most of us. Ah, the "lilies" to be found among the "weeds." And you have been generous and kind to all, whether beginner or seasoned poet. Against the seemingly harmful bees, I tasted the honey-effusing nectar. It took courage to respond to some of the more thin-skinned among us, I am certain. A year later, I was confined to a cell Where the ink of my pen became ill I could no longer roll its ballpoint. And we missed you very much, Jordan! Still longing to press the keys Yet the IP address seemed to vanish I could no longer connect to the site. There were weeks and months in which signing on was difficult and things were confusing and in flux. I am grateful that you persevered to join us once more! August 2003 I caught the magic, Became unfettered from the roots that held me inside the cell. The ballpoint now seeping more sinew Eager to sustain the verses. Wonderful analogies and delightful sibilance in "seeping sinew." With the encouragement of new friends in the link, Names too many to mention, Now developing my poetic skill In ThePoeticlink, a cozy home to stay until the ink becomes a void pixel. The witty slant-rhyme of "skill/pixel" is a sample of skill, Jordan. We are the benefactors, for your critiques are delightful and your poetry here is playful and appreciative. Thank you for this gracious offering of your goodwill. It is a welcome gift, which will remain in our hearts long after the "void pixel." May Christmas bring you great joy and the New Year 2004 contain your dreams come true! Kudos! All my best, Joanne (Auntie)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-12-25 21:46:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Jordan, This is a wonderful wonderful dedication to TPL, the home of passionate poets like you and me! As always, you write with great fervor. The richness of English grammar is again, in superlative state. I have learned a lot from you Jordan. Thanks for coming back again in TPL, I hope this is for good. Keep on entertaining us with your powerful and inspiring entries. As always, the metaphors are awesome! I like the use of “virgin pen” and “meadow of verses and poems”. You start the poem with such lyrical prelude. The use of “yolk” before the “burdened with English constraint” is clever. Yes, here in TPL we were able to practice our second language with much enthusiasm and immense learning from other experts. And I like what it is contributing to my life now. Yes, TPL is truly “one of a kind” site. Where we are surrounded with such talents (yes, you have mentioned a few). $150.00 is one tempting invitation. I find the use of “bait” then “chore to fish” a smart move. It’s just sad that less and less people are into TPL right now, I hope it was not the deteriorating prize the reason about. I find your missing year / months in TPL still a mystery. Why you were not able to connect to the site during those blinding times? And what was the incident behind, why you suddenly caught that “magic” again on August 2003? I’m glad such “friends” keep you stay in TPL again. I can feel that I am one of those “new friends” you have. Welcome back home, my friend! You are like a prodigal son (LOL!). :) I’m glad to know you Jordan! Keep on pouring those delightful entries! You have a reader here! :) As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-19 03:56:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
jordan, hmm,hmm,hmm... this is a good one i should say, very artistic and favorite is the first stanza: July 2000 I was born To a place where my virgin pen Began to explore The meadow of verses and poems, The net of poetic horizons. its cool. hey, keep up the good work. april
This Poem was Critiqued By: Carolyn Minsker On Date: 2003-12-13 07:23:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Jordan, Oh how I can relate. The title makes me wonder. I think it a half-life. : ) To have been born on the link, the image makes me smile. The talent on the link can make us young'ns feel a bit jejune. I tripped a bit on the line "I dared serving foods to pioneers" but if you mean it, I can live with it.. "The seemingly harmful bees", yup I've felt their sting. The lilies are the best (next to lying among the asters). This seems to be free verse, as I couldn't identify a patterned rhyme scheme so my suggestion in Strophe 4 would be to move the line "still longing to press the keys.." to the last line where it could plaintively trail away in sorrow. "August 2003", no wonder I didn't recognize you - I went back to school full-time this fall; yesterday was my last Final Exam of the semester - HURRAH! I have to say the imagery in Strophe 5 strikes me as muddled, always more impressive to sustain an imagery theme, though challenging. I see what your going for, but.. I still enjoyed your poem! Keep writing, Carolyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-11 16:01:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Nice tribute to not only the poetic link but to the many people you have met here in your v0isits. When I first joined I was writing but of late I only critique.......I miss the words on paper that I once shared but I so enjoy reading and responding to all of the work presented here for review and pleasure.......nice style to this one my friend, words bring forth images as one reads on and one associates with the read as well.........we all started someplace I guess and this link is just about the best to stay and enjoy. Thanks for posting, sharing, and caring. Be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-12-11 09:28:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dear Jordan, A very nice tribute to all the wonderful poets and critiquers here at TPL. I too have learned so much in the time that I have been here. They also gave me the courage to try to fulfill my dream of being a published writer. Their encouragement and support have meant so much to me in my writing life. Thanks for sharing. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-12-09 18:53:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
JBB- Cleverly done, mate. The writer's block will come and go. Don't fight it. REad when you cannot write. TEW.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-09 17:23:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Jordan, How clever you have mirrored the thoughts of most of us. ..."my virgin pen began to explore"..great line!..."the meadow of verses and poems." This line is imagitive and very clever...I think from now on I will think in terms of a meadow when I sign into TPL (smile)... .."Puerile in my ways"...I have never thought of your work as immature, it is anything but that..."burdened with English constraint" do an excellent job with your English but when I think how difficult that may be I wonder how impossible it would be for me to create poetry in another language. I like the way you describe not being able to access the frustrating that must have been. Thank heavens you were delivered from you cell and came back to us. I like the you ended this piece..."a cozy home to stay until the ink becomes a void pixel" This is a lightharted piece that is fun to read...good job! Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2003-12-09 17:11:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan, Ahh, the $150 bait. The days of privateers, me buckoes, and the swash and swag. I can remember those checks coming, and thinking of the published getting paid for their verses in free copies. Suckers, I thought, let us hang out with Minnesota Fats in the barroom, and get the big bucks with our illicit genius, while they toil for free mags and the awards of the pristine. Now, we wait for the "score" who never walks in the door. Now, we get the free credits (well, that's the idea anyway) and the making of a small space at the bar. A day of miscues and scratches. Am I missing something? Mark PS - It is nice to have you around, keeping this boat afloat. Or the neon light blinking in the window. Pick your metaphor - I got lots more.
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