This Poem was Submitted By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-16 20:32:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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lost at sea Atlantic turmoil
stern above a raging surf
only yards from shore
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Copyright © July 2004 Wayne R. Leach
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-06 00:17:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30303
Such a huge thought for such few words. well done..descibes an angry sea very well. Just a note to say...nice one..
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-08-03 16:01:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne:
This haiku is an amazing example of fitting a lot into few words!
I've read it several times, and with each reading, a plethora
of images and possibilities occur to me. Immediately, the title
suggests to me the connotations of this phrase. One "lost at sea"
usually is gone forever, without the body ever being found to
confirm death. Frequently, the lost one is a sailor or fisherman,
who has gone to sea as part of his occupation. In other parlance,
someone 'lost at sea' may also be in an emotional quandary, in 'deep
waters' so to speak, but "only yards from shore." How solutions elude
us, the poem suggests, though they may be close at hand. It matters
not how 'close' solutions are if we are unaware of them; they may
as well nonexistent for all of their usefulness to us.
Atlantic turmoil
stern above a raging surf
only yards from shore
"Atlantic" locates the craft (person?) of the poem's title in a
specific, enormous sea. I believe the name derives from "Atlas"
supposed to uphold the pillars of heaven, which was his punishment
for being the war leader of the Titans in the struggle with the
Olympian gods. The name means lit. "The Bearer of the Heavens."
The "stern" of a ship is the hind or back part, as opposed to
the bow, or front. It is as if the ship faces away from shore,
toward the great waters which rage. The words "turmoil", "stern"
and "rage" suggest an angry, upset countenance, of one who is
literally yards from the calm shore, to solutions for the unrest
of the surf. My sense is that this 'ship' or individual doesn't
consciously choose to turn away from surcease, but does so
within the sense of his/her lostness, unaware of what may be
found if one were to change direction, facing toward land.
Reading the poem gave me a sense of déjà-vu, if you will, as
I have often found, in hindsight, just how close to shore I
actually was. Thank you for this extraordinarily powerful
short work. It speaks to me, Poet.
Is this poem part of a currently available book of your poetry?
If it is, then I should like to obtain a copy!
All my best, and peace
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-07-28 16:19:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne,
In very few words you put my thoughts out to sea. I've experienced being lost at sea,
in a private boat, in the fog, heading to shore and not knowing or seeing how near/or far it was.
It sounds like you've experienced somewhat the same.
You have a wonderful way of making a picture with your words. Very cool.
Thank you for taking me away...
My best to you,
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2004-07-28 03:42:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hello Wayne,
I liked the power and motion of this piece. The ocean violent ocean; the wreaked ship, turbulent waves splashing over the remains. Chaos unleashed upon the unlucky seamen who once manned the vessel. The ending that shows that when nature unleashes her power those who fall to her fury can be lost anywhere… in this case the remains tell their silent tale “only yards from shore.” This is very good. The only comment I have is for the second line. I would suggest removing “a” it really isn’t needed. If you feel that you must stick to a 7 syllable line my suggestion would be to add another descriptive word. My first thought is “grave stern above raging surf” but I didn’t give it much thought. I enjoyed reading and commenting on your poem. ~ Patti ~
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-07-18 12:35:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wayne--All requirements met (5-7-5; three lines; nature themed) for this haiku with it's
apt title creating vivid imagery of an all too often distress of a small craft caught at
the mercy of nature's rage (and yet so close to saftey-how ironic). I like the twist. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-07-17 12:10:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hi Wayne,
Nice to see your are writing haiku again....you have a flare for this type of poetry.
Atlantic turmoil...great way to begin...letting the reader know that the ocean is not
calm but rather it surges deep down till the water roils.
Stern above a raging surf...the use of 'stern' is an unusual descriptor of an ocean but
it works very well here. How could the waters not be stern with all that raging going on?
only yards from shore....I didn't expect that this ocean tempest was close to shore so I
was pleasantly surprised. I have never seen an ocean this mad before so what do I know?
The only time I get to see the ocean is on a vacation...however, I have never been to
see the Atlantic ocean and expect it is much colder than the Pacific. I have been to New
York once...briefly...and never even stuck my toe in the water. Maybe I will get to do
that before I get to old to care! As usual a great haiku.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-07-16 22:45:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Wayne;
Good to see this at the top of my list.
This haiku format tells a typical hurricane tale that I remember from the Outer Banks. I was lost at sea upon reading your work and despite the small number of words, it provided great imagery for me. L3 is amazing, so close to shore but not able to get to safety...cool line.
Another short and pithy critique.
Mick
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