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Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Patricia Gibson-Williams has given on The Poetic Link.
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Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 1 to 17 out of 17 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Patricia Gibson-Williams||Critique Date|
|Gripping Dirt||Dellena Rovito||Seems like I've been here. Standing on a path that has suddenly grown rough and I can't see what's ahead. I wonder if I should just stay right here, but I know I can't. I pause and pray and hope for the strenght and courage to continue on my way. Right now (for me) the path often seems too rough and I feel like at any second I'm going to fall down and not be able to get back up. But, so far, so good. If I'm reading it right I think suns should be sun's. I liked this especially the last line. Patti||2005-05-23 00:43:43|
|Black Satin||Audrey R Donegan||This was beautiful. It reminds me of how I feel every time I wake up beside my Joe. It flowed so effortlessly from stanza to stanza, all the while drawing the reader dreamily along. I love the lines: “Your presence resonates” and “Content within your bones” both gave me such a sense of the person you are watching sleep. If I had one nit it would that the final line “Breathing your exhale” seemed awkward. It’s a wonderful sentiment and I’ve used the idea in some of my past poems, but the wording doesn’t seem in line with the sensual feel of the rest of your work. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that makes the line seem off to me, but I have some alternate suggestions. Inhaling your breath Breathing your essence Of course it could be that it’s just late and the line is perfect as is. LOL After all the rest of the poem is so well turned, and I can’t really find a reason why there is anything actually wrong with this one. I truly enjoyed reading this and look forward to seeing more of you work. Patti||2005-05-10 01:30:09|
|Prelude To A Kiss||stephen g skipper||I seem to be having a lot of trouble concentrating today, but I wanted to comment on your poem because I thought it was beautiful. So very sensual and rythmic. I wish I could tell you line by line how it affected me and what I got out of it, but I just can't seem to figure out why I liked and what to say. Maybe in a few days I'll think of something other then I liked it and I'll send you a message, but for now that will have to be enough. If this doesn't make sense blame it on my killer headache... but your poem has helped soothe it just a bit. Patti||2005-03-05 17:58:20|
|She-Who-Dreams||Joanne M Uppendahl||This was just so beautiful, that my first thought was simply; Oh. I don’t know how to explain how much it touched me, in it’s elegant eloquence. I loved it from the title to the final line, and I found peace in the thought of the dreamer having such power. I’d say more but you’ve given me an idea for a poem and I’m off to jot down some thoughts before they fade. Thank you for sharing this. Patti.||2005-02-27 02:22:02|
|When Words Escape||James Edward Schanne||I’d have to say that’s a very interesting play on words. When I first read the title I was thinking; that words escaped meant the usual in that you just couldn’t find the words to say. But after reading your poem I realized that it could also mean the words had escaped from your mind intent upon doing what they pleased. This was a delightfully whimsical poem. And hey if I’m way off base, blame it on this cold making me loopy. Thank you for sharing. Patti||2004-12-01 12:12:59|
|#5 Comedy of Terror||Jana Buck Hanks||I think I read this about fifteen times before I figured out what to say about it. I liked the picture you painted it was very vivid, and sorrowful. A moments of sadness trapped in time. The tears forever captured on a perfect face. The smile that says any moment I’m going to fracture, but I tried to put on a brave front. Unfortunately the mask does nothing to hide the terrible tragedy, but instead gives the impression that there will be no moving on or getting past this moment. The world moves on, but this doesn’t. It is truly a terror to be caught like this. I think the best “haiku” Japanese Verse pieces are those that make you think and then think again. I’d say you accomplished that with flying colors. Great work. Patti||2004-11-15 01:19:50|
|1000 DEAD AMERICANS||Mark D. Kilburn||We all seem to have taken sides in a war that was not meant to be fought among ourselves. War is never pretty and the too often the innocent die… But more often many more of them die without intervention. I cannot say from here what is right or wrong, but thousands of Americans died right here in the USA and not retaliating against that horror would only have sent the message that we won’t defend ourselves. Until God sees fit to call us all to heaven, there will never be a world without war. Someone always wants to dictate how others will live and what they will have. Someone will always hate another based upon their beliefs. And someone will always use terror to try and control what they don’t believe in. It’s sad that any have to die, but I honestly believe that many more would have been lost here if we had not gone there. Not that I’m trying to convince you, I just wanted to let you know that although I found your poem had many strong points and had good rhyme and meter; it had too many statements that I disagreed to make a fair assessment of it’s over all impact upon me. But then again maybe my statement speaks as to that. This was very powerfully written and I hope you get better comments from other readers. ~ Patti ~||2004-09-25 19:30:37|
|Deep In My Heart Is A Song||Mell W. Morris||Sounds like heaven. Utter peace and contentment a feeling of I am here, where I’m supposed to be and I belong. Isn’t that what most of are searching for? We feel displaced in our world, lost and alone… Your words gave me a feeling of coming home and feeling blessed, and settled. At peace inside and out. Great alliterations, I loved the way the words just seemed to dance upon my tongue. You wove them together with such a beautiful meter that it seemed a song; no a hymn, praising God for the blessing he had given you. And the ending lines, only make me feel this more strongly, as if you can’t contain your Joy and shout out: “That at last, at last, I belong! “ And the ending is perfect. I loved this, and will come back and read it again. I hesitate to make any comments about changing this in any way. But (by the way I learned two new words) when I looked up medulary at dictionary.com they spelled it with 2 l’s medullary, and I liked the way you used it here, without the comment about bones I would have wondered if it was truly the word you wanted, but I felt that it was perfect for your poem. The other is very minor and pertains to the line “here and yon” I just so wanted to make here hither. It seems silly and I don’t know exactly why it struck me as odd that way, but I figured I’d mention it. Thank you for sharing. Patti||2004-09-16 15:14:24|
|On a Bench by the Potomac||cheryl a kelley||I’m not sure that I can do this poem justice, it was so moving. I don’t remember reading anything of yours before, but I plan to soon. I really did want to know a little more about the story, but I feel like I understood the feelings behind it. It sounds to me a little like my life (except I’ll never be so high as to negotiate “a million dollar deal.” But when you are in a manic phase nothing seems impossible, and when you are depressed nothing seems attainable. At least at the farthest ends of spectrum. When you are manic; life whizzes by “faster, faster” and then sometimes so suddenly it seems surreal – you sink into “slowly, slowly” losing yourself and time and speed and the ability to understand how everything could change, when nothing has changed. You have done an amazing job on this, I wish I had as much talent as many of the writers on this site. I actually got goose bumps as I read. I worry so much that if I am blessed with children that they will suffer, because of my problems. I working on finding out what works for me to keep “time” in line. I would never have thought to describe it that way, but it’s perfect. I usually only give “gut” critiques, about how the poem effected me; but I didn’t see anything (no typos or such) that I would suggest changing. You have truly touched me with your words. Patti||2004-09-16 13:56:09|
|japanese verse 55 (Moon)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||I love haiku, although I’ve only been attempting to write them for a couple of years. It always amazes me how much I can get out of three short lines if I break them down and look at each one separately as well as together. Queen of the great sun – this shows not only that the moon is wed to the sun (needing him for her to reflect her true beauty) but that the sun is superior in his ability to shine alone. Reigns over shining servants – However in her own right she is still the queen and all the stars are less important to her. (At least this is true from our perspective.) Night is her kingdom – However when night comes she is in her glory and the sun who is not seen is forgotten, because she is so striking that he for all his greatness cannot reign in her world. I too, love the moon. I’m not sure that the meanings I got out of your work are the ones you intended, but I wanted to share them. The only thing I wondered about was your use of capital letter at the beginning of each line; I’ve always understood that in Japanese verse this is not done. Other then that I saw nothing that disturbed me. I enjoyed reading and commenting. Patti||2004-07-28 04:24:59|
|lost at sea||Wayne R. Leach||Hello Wayne, I liked the power and motion of this piece. The ocean violent ocean; the wreaked ship, turbulent waves splashing over the remains. Chaos unleashed upon the unlucky seamen who once manned the vessel. The ending that shows that when nature unleashes her power those who fall to her fury can be lost anywhere… in this case the remains tell their silent tale “only yards from shore.” This is very good. The only comment I have is for the second line. I would suggest removing “a” it really isn’t needed. If you feel that you must stick to a 7 syllable line my suggestion would be to add another descriptive word. My first thought is “grave stern above raging surf” but I didn’t give it much thought. I enjoyed reading and commenting on your poem. ~ Patti ~||2004-07-28 03:42:16|
|Parade||marilyn terwilleger||Hi Marilyn, This was fun… It takes me back to the parades where I grew up. OK, so I only lived there until I was six, but my grandparents lived there until they passed, when I was in my 30’s. The town was built based on an Arabian nights theme (can you imagine) and almost everyone came out in costumes. The town hall and many of the building looked like Arabian castles and after the parade they had all kinds of fun and games. I remember one year they had a watermelon eating contest, I had eaten about 3 bites when the whistle blew telling us they had a winner. I looked around and hardly anyone had eaten more. I couldn’t figure out how anyone could have swallowed a quarter of a watermelon in that short a time. Apparently the Judges didn’t think it was possible either, because they were looking under the table to see if he had scraped it off onto the ground. Not a drop, not a seed, could anywhere be found. I got to enjoy the rest of my watermelon in peace, and my brother got the little gold cup. We still tease him about it too this day. I loved going to these and they all started with a toe tapping, horn flashing, baton twirling, oompha, oompha parade. Thanks for reminding me of something I loved. Patti Oh yes one comment... you left an a off one of your oompha's, just in case you missed it.||2004-07-24 19:36:05|
|Wakers||Lynda G Smith||This was an interesting poem. I am assuming that this is a bird that you are describing, but I’m not familiar with which one. I don’t think I’ve ever heard this song, but your words make me want to. I’m not sure I got all the implications of this, but I read it several times; trying to figure out the nuances. I hope you will tell me a little about what you were describing so that I can feel your poem a little better. My favorite line was “And songs as brackish as the rasping marsh” I just loved the way it sounded and felt on my tongue. Thank you for sharing. ~ Patti ~||2004-07-24 03:00:24|
|Symphonious Secret||Jana Buck Hanks||Hi Jana, This is so soft and warm. I liked how you wrote it with a dream like quality. Like floating on a cloud, through a wonderland. Remembering passion and love, and looking forward to your lovers return. Content knowing that the dream was real, and that you will again know his touch. The bracelet of stars was a nice touch, I have my own that goes on my wrist, from the one who is my sun, moon and stars. I just kind of drifted through your poem in a warm fuzzy haze. If there was anything about it that bothered me it was the description of “pickle green eyes” It just made me laugh in the middle of what was otherwise a seductive poem. I enjoyed reading this; thank you for sharing. ~ Patti ~||2004-07-20 01:17:16|
|Worms in the Summer Grass||G. Donald Cribbs||Hello Don, I’ve read several of your older poems and they were all very compelling. Your book sounds like it will be worth reading. I am not as well educated as many on this site so I try to stay away from commenting on poems from an academic point. Here are my gut feelings about your poem. I see a boy who was abused and is dying inside. He sees his family from the point of view of others; but he (and the worms) know that the façade hides a rotten core. He can’t help but wish that his abuser would die, and there by free him… It’s the only escape he can imagine. He tries to pretend any way he can that it’s not happening, but it always comes back to scrubbing the filth away. This is one of the most haunting poems I have ever read. I keep seeing the worms as churning up the putrid soil and hiding something sinister. But at the same time there is hope in what they do, for they turn what is rancid into pure soil that will grow bountiful crops. It will just take a lot of time, and a few seeds. I hope the boy in your story finds those seeds. I also hope he realizes that he is not to blame, and because of that he is pure and doesn’t need to scrub. As you can see you’ve made me empathize strongly with the subject of this poem; anytime a poet does that for the reader they have done an excellent job. I see you began writing this in high school and I hope that it was not about a personal experience. I agree this poem stands alone. Thank you for sharing. ~ Patti ~||2004-07-20 00:07:58|
|Our Backyard||Mick Fraser||I personally never like to destroy anything. I also like to try and comment on at least one poem from a poet instead of skipping them all. So I read and re-read; and used some imagination, trying to figure out just what you were trying to say with this one… I mean I got the gist on the first read ~ we worry less about people then we do about money. (or at least that’s what I got.) When I looked deeper and tried to figure it out stanza by stanza this is what I got. Society is decaying on the inside, while on the outside we see success and heroes in sports figures and users. We ignore the cries of the mothers and the users send our children (I got this from the Winnie the Poo suggestion) out telling them to play in dangerous places. I got a little confused in the next stanza, but as best I can tell you are saying that the pain will only be relived by more drugs or death, or at least that is the perception, of some. My best guess for the final lines is that you are saying that for all we know about and think we want money and valuables, there are those who are hungry and would rather have something to eat. You poem took a lot of thought and maybe would have been more pleasing if I could have been more sure of what you meant. Having to study it so much, to even try to understand some of your analogies, was stressful. Don’t get me wrong, I like to search for the hidden meaning in a poets words, I just like to have it a little clearer. Maybe if you added a few hints. LOL I did like the obvious plays on words; and I thought that you did a great job of making each line memorable. I also enjoyed commenting on this. It’s just that I was left not knowing for sure that I got it; or didn’t miss something important. Of course even when I’ve thought I understood exactly what a poet was saying in the past, I’ve been wrong… So I hope I was close. Thank you for sharing. Patti||2004-07-19 13:00:33|
|Castles of the Sea||Donna L. Dean||Hi Donna, I loved the idea that the tide could wash away flawed reality… Castles that have seen better days. Sometimes we feel that it’s too late to start over. Too late for dreams to come true. But each day is a new day and we must strive to remember that yesterday’s damage is usually only seen in our memories. The only suggestion I have is for the final line: Unless I totally missed the point, I believe it should read “ with a slate clean (or cleansed) of imperfections.” I hate missing those little bobbles we make when we type. This was nice. Patti||2003-09-30 02:16:13|
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Patricia Gibson-Williams||Critique Date|
Displaying Critiques 1 to 17 out of 17 Total Critiques.
If you would like to view all of Patricia Gibson-Williams's Poetry just Click Here.
Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!