This Poem was Submitted By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-05-04 09:28:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Millennium Lady Encompassed by the formidable walls of decay
A shrine of beauty ascended on walls high upon which they lay
Not but a soul has she reached
The promised betrothal of highest honor has been breached.
Cold intrepid waters for a millennium has her surrounded
A large sturdy tree duly stands by her grounded
Attainability thus prevented by any such creature
Yet she has survived without decay, maintained every beatiful feature. |
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Copyright © May 2005 Helen C DOWNEY
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-01 03:27:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75676
Good morning Poet......I have read and re read this one and I must say it is interesting for your words allow images to be created that may take us to many different places, touching different ones, going back in time to yet another place...........yet she has survived without decay, maintained every beautiful feature......I wonder if you speak not of a special place and not of a person........see the beauty of poetry is that one can find what touches them in your work.......though I have never been to see in person the Statue of Liberty I find myself there now......sorry if I crucified your lovely piece.....thanks for posting and sharing with us........looking forward to your reply with perhaps the touch of who or where this has taken place.......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-30 12:37:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I have no idea what this is about as you give no hint. Somehow I think it pertains to a shrine
somewhere, and the figure is that of Mary the mother of Jesus...but then I know not of such
things. The title goes back to the last century of course. Why did you not tell us who it is
about? Promised betrothal? ?Saint hood. I don't know and I'll leave it at that/.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-25 07:33:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Helen,
I like this two stanza approach to that one with such beauty is not obtainable for
it is hard to grasp what is within. Word usage spectacular gives the reader the sense of the surroundings
and how she is unscathed by it. Your length is appropriate to much would render this piece would only shroud
your presentation. Outstanding work look forward to reading more of it. Thanks for sharing wouldn't change this especially the verbage. My favorite parts formidable walls, beauty ascended, Cold intrepid water, Attainability thus prevented, she has survived, maintained every (beautiful) feature. I do not review spelling in my voting for sometimes we write so fast we want to get our feelings out...Thanks for sharing again well done. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: hello haveaniceday On Date: 2005-05-22 10:04:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ok Helen,
This is like an old time puzzler to me. I can't quite figure out what you are describing but I keep coming back to the Statue of Liberty. Why? Well, let's see, she's a lady (LOL), the walls of her island are in bad shape and we can no longer climb up into her. She was a gift from France and I'm sure there was much hope and high honor attached to that gift and the fact that all the immigrants passed her on the way to Ellis Island... The tree bit I'm not sure of, but I know that she has been maintained and is still a beautiful lady! Freedom, democracy and international friendship... not sure we've done well by that :(
Hey, thanks for sending me on my own path of thoughts with this well constructed puzzler. It reminds me of one my granny used to sing:
Come a riddle come a riddle come a tote tote tote
A wee wee man in a red red coat
A staff in his hand and a stone in his throat
Come a riddle come a riddle come a tote tote tote
{answer: a cherry!}
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-19 17:46:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Helen,
I'm not the most knowing person, but I think this poem is about the Statue of Liberty. If I'm right, and even if I'm not (smile), it is beautifully written. I think that the two stanzas bring out a lot in a brief way.
You do a great job with the words you've chosen. "Encompassed, shrine of beauty, cold intrepid waters, . . . " When we think of lady liberty, she has withstood many tests of time. I'm so glad she was not a part of the 9/11 attacks.
You bring even more beauty to her in this tribute poem, and I can't offer one suggestion. I think it's long enough and you poetically give creedence to the beauty of a great monumental phenomenon. Great poem.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-06 19:26:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Helen, well writen.
'formidable walls' - nice
'promised betrothal' - well said
'duly stands' - great imagery
I wonder though, if there is a way to break up the lines a bit to help it flow a little better.
Someting to think about anyway.
I really enjoyed this one,
Audrey
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