This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-26 06:04:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Road All choose a path to travel along
In life
Some choose one less traveled by
Thinking they are safe
Amazing this one less traveled by
In fact is most worn
More than the other one
Which I know not even still exists
This Road is life and many have
Traveled before me
So many things to learn and
So many places to see
The Road will take me where
I need to go
But I must put the fuel in the
Engine
And move on
Down the
Road.
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Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-29 21:51:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37681
Hello again Mandie,
Some very searching and deep thoughts here. I like how you formatted this. I stumbled a tad on the last line first stanza , “Which I know not even still exists,” perhaps doing away with the “even”, just a thought. Philosophically you have nailed the life experience on the head. I did fine with your second stanza and while I understand what your saying “But I must put the fuel in the engine and move on down the road” sort of through me off the rhythm of your piece. I don’t know to suggest with that, I also have poems that end a little out of sink but have to in order to finalize what I’m saying…. The visual presentation is great, it’s like moving on down that road. Thanks for a good read.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-27 09:20:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77966
The Road....interesting title for I will agree there are many roads in life that we travel before we come to the end.....and yes, they are of our own choosing........never thought about the safety of each road though poet as you have so pointed out........I know some who get on one road and never venture either way.....they are happy and content where they are and that's just fine for them.....my life has travelled many roads and I pray there are more to come before my journey is over.........
This Road is life makes a statement to me that you not only have come to know but have accepted such as a part of your life..........some turn their eyes the other way when they do not accept what life brings them.........
Oh so true poet........we talk about walking through life and how many of us just sit back and watch it walk right by......putting the fuel in the engine is a good thing, it will take you down that road and back again.
Good structure, images are created with the flare of your pen and actually if you stop and reflect upon the roads in life you might start when you were little and bring yourself to the present.......you have done a good job poet and I look forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-26 19:08:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47826
A bit of philosophy here. Have you heard of a book called "The Road Less Travelled?".
I believe that it doesn't matter which road we travel 'cause we all get to the same place in
the end! Yup!
I would like to make a suggestion or two here Mandie. I know you use free form which is okay.
Just watch your words at the beginning of a sentence that they don't have a capital letter. It
would be much better if they didn't. To be honest , I chose not to critique one poem of yours
because it was just too damn hard to read. There was even a hyphen in one line that didn't
belong there. Perhaps I should have written to you about that so you could make corrections.
Another little quirk of mine is not to have the title be in the main body of work. As far as I
am concerned, and I learned this from a poetry convention I went to, the title should draw you
into the poem but not repeated continuously for it only detracts. Take it or leave it. It's only
a suggestion. In the meantime, put some fuel in that engine, be it your body or your car, and
take to life's highway. Thank you for this interesting insight.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-06-26 14:59:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mandie,
The path less traveled is the path most don't take!
So it would be not as worn. It would be not as safe as people take the easy way.
I think this person above thought they were taking the harder path and later learned
it was 'the easy way'.
I've taken the easy way to my regret a few times.
And both paths always exist. The appearance just changes.
I like the idea of this!
The form is good it's pulling me on down the road.
Just keepp fueled up.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-06-26 07:31:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Dear Mandie,
Wow, you are on a roll this month, one post after another. The creative juices are flowing, aren't they?
There is alot of truth, in this piece - it's message tells me - the well traveled road is probably the one
that most people follow. There are no risks to be taken on this path, just a comfortable uneventful ride,
which is safe and secure. To take the other road, you have to take risks, venture out and be ready for change at any moment. As your poem states, the fuel must be in the engine, the motivation, the energy necessary to go,
forward and see where the road takes you.
I enjoyed this Mandie, it's very thought provoking and inspiring.
Good job.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
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