This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-11-09 16:13:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Wrath A mighty hand shook the sea
And sharpened the teeth of wind.
The fallen roof of sky roared
Like hell, and parts of earth
Were swallowed from sight.
Mortals fled unguided in this
Ghostly hour and drank of their
Own breath. Somber streams
Of supplicating tears spilled
To meet the indignant sea. Fumes
And stench were the aftermath
Of Satan’s wrath.
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Copyright © November 2006 marilyn terwilleger
Additional Notes:
Written after Katrina but never posted
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-06 00:03:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53333
Wrath......good title for this one........Your words bring forth the intense surry of such a powerful storm......well done; and our prayers are still with those that suffered loss during this most difficult time. It is never easy to start over but it certainly is possible with help from above. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-12-04 19:58:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
wow Marilyn there is so much fury in the way you have written this vivid discriptive personified poem. One could see the mighty hand the sharpening of teeth forced up from the ocean...this is the part that really left me chilled." Fumes
And stench were the aftermath
Of Satan’s wrath. " I have one suggestion to be made..In this line" Somber streams of supplicating tears spilled" I think the "s" alliteration could be lessoned somewhat . It seems to feel a little forced. Over all an excellent write and written with such passion.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-11-26 18:45:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Marilyn,
Great imagery!
Nothing is worse than the wrath of nature.
Drinking your breath is neat.
We re-breathe the breath of all that goes before us.
And redrink all the water as well.
Put earth and surrounding sky into a jar and shake it up.....Katrina and similar
are the mixup.
And more will follow.
I don't think its Satan as much as we reap what's sown.
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-11-13 11:53:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
There you go, giving Satan all the credit. What about all those explosions
that were reported along the river dikes? Don't you believe in expedient
urban renewal? Well, maybe you're right, Satan has diversified, gone into
"legitimate" business like the mafia.
Yes, the sea does whip up the wind and at 180 mph it does feel like biting
teeth. "Drinking of their own breath" is an interesting image and one only
to have been in a high wind would know. It's good enough I'll grant the
euphemism of "Satan's wrath". Even the bit about "supplicating tears" although
I hear, on good authority, he prefers cognac. Maybe that's why he took things
a bit too far.
Please excuse my levity, Marilyn, it's a good poem despite my irreverence. You
get some mixed emotions about the strewn out victims of the storm when your
area hosts them and they behave as they do here in town. Kinda wish we could
repay Mexico for its "generosity".
Love,
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-11-11 02:54:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn,
Really liked how the poem ended with the title, and - this is an intangible that good poems have - the ending was perfect. I love it when a poem is read and I say, "yes, this is just how it should end - rhythmically and semantically.
Glad you posted it.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-11-10 22:25:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
ooooo..this is deep and very intriguing.!. This is the type of poem that one person will say do this; and another would say 'change that'; when in truth it is just as it should be! Still....without attemp to alter words/slants and your meaning, I'd like to express my own view. (smile)
teeth of wind....? how many readers will associate that with 'a biting wind'....forgive me for saying so, but toothy wind is a disruption.
"Mortals drank of their own breath"....cool....sounds like drowning
supplicating tears ....hmmm... while I agree that tears can be supplicating, to me this implies that they are cleansing tears...
And just one more little thing; I'd skip the breaks from one verse to another. The words are deep enough to entrance the reader, who will naturally supply the breaks as to his/her understanding. You could run line to line, with punctuation, and relieve the burden of interpretation by the reader.
And, having said all that, I'd like to tell you how much I truely enjoyed this poem! It is the gift of a talented writer. Smiles to you! Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-11-09 21:49:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
I have read and re-read this, it is simply awesome. I was caught up in it from the first line and captured by the awe of what you spoke to be tossed speechless at it's ending and thankful for my own blessings. Great stuff, simply stellar.
Lora
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