This Poem was Submitted By: Teresa Green On Date: 2007-01-21 14:43:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Flying To Florida

Butterflying as we swiftly lift up from concrete to cotton and then beyond. Below, patchwork once thrown over you fades. I trace the path of your ascending soul. The whole and bits of your transformation softly penetrate my silenced senses. I think of what it means to be so free, imagine you reclining on the wing comforting in some esoteric way. The sun shines molten through celestial air coloring your billowy sky pillow. Descending through misty evening ceiling deep blue ocean contrasts with brown beaches. Anxiously I yearn for the return flight.

Copyright © January 2007 Teresa Green

Additional Notes:
Deicated to my Mother whose been gone 9 years this month. I felt closer to her when I was flying above the clouds. I miss her...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-27 08:37:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
Theresa, This is so beautifully penned. "Butterflying as we swiftly lift...." Love that line! So many times descriptions of a "take-off" can be so cliche'. You've done well with this line. A perfect start, giving the whole poem a sense of softness and beauty right from the start. "...from concrete to cotton...." the subtle alliteration here is great with the hard "c" sounds. The metaphor is wonderful, as well. I can't pick any favorite lines...there are so many that jump out at you. The imagery in this is simply stunning, creating such beautiful pictures in the mind as we read. What beautiful thoughts and images you bestow upon your mother. She is, no doubt, shedding a joyful tear right now for what you have penned in her honor. I miss my mother, as well, and can so relate to what you have said with this piece. Beautifully done! I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing such a personal poem with us.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-22 11:01:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Oh, Teresa, this is beautiful! I would have missed the whole thing had it not been for your footnote, so I am really glad you added that. I have no nits to pick! This is well written, emotion packed punches and deep, thought provoking statements. What more can a good poem need? I really like it! I miss my mom too. I'm thinking how she would have smiled at this. My mother would have said "let it soar" and I think your mom probably is smiliing at you too! God bless, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-22 00:30:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
It is never easy to lose a loved one and nine years though long to us is but a mere blink to your mom now that she is in God's Heavenly Garden.........indeed, you could feel her presence within the lines of this poem dedicated to her, she is with you and will always be with you. I fear flying and would never find my mom up there with me though she loved to passed on at 92, she lived with us here in Tully prior to her passing, its been close to three years now and I think I still hear her calling out to me as I was her care taker too. Dad has been gone for forty four years.........the pain of loss never leaves it just changes some. I am sure if you sky watch on a summer day when the billowy clouds pass by you may catch a glimpse of your mom on those clouds as she waves to you below. Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless and remember she is right there with you always, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-01-21 21:38:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Teresa, I sense your love of your mother and how deeply you must miss her. [9years is awhile] The years seem to pass so quickly.[my dad-'97'] It is strange to imagine here they must be! I pray they are ok. Thank God nature is so holy. It encompasses one in the eternal bigness of it all. I enjoy your visual wording that emits your concerns. Lovely thoughts lovely words. Enjoyed this especially; Below, patchwork once thrown over you fades. I trace the path of your ascending soul. The whole and bits of your transformation I like the fading quilt paterns... good job, Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-21 17:54:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88462
Teresa, Such lacey words delicately spoken to one whose passed on. Poetically I'm not quite sure, however as free verse it does seem to work. Any way, I enjoyed the read and would not begin to suggest revisions for fear of loosing that intimate quality of homage paid. Thank you for sharing with us such tender thoughts. Best always, Lora
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