This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-03-21 17:15:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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So, Love the One You're With Jealosy demands
attention for it's purpose
as a cruel child.
Untethered feelings
strut about for their own gain
welcomed by no one.
Created by strife
nurtured by its own ego
uncompromising.
Fated loneliness
for it feeds only itself
and dies without love.
One of irony
the need for love seeks further
death and destruction.
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Copyright © March 2007 Ellen K Lewis
Additional Notes:
Sometimes we just need to turn the page. I've been digging into my 'idea' book trying to do just that.
(syllable count is supposed to be 5/7/5)
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-04-04 15:31:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Dear Ellen,
There is insight, in this poem. Particularly like the idea of jealousy/cruel child, which works here.
Cruel is significant, because it goes hand in hand with jealousy, just as other words could, like,
spoiled, selfish, to get the idea across. These types shouldn't be avoided - the emotion itself, needs to be dealt with - but how? would be my next question.
I can relate to your 2nd verse - having witnessed "those", who display, and dramatize their emotions, which I probably have myself, from time to time. "Strut", leads this verse.
Third verse is the overall, viewpoint of the situation, which if you dug a little deeper could be enhanced, but works this way also.
It's the concept that makes this poem appealing, the wisdom you have chosen to share with others.
I enjoyed this read -
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2007-03-31 11:17:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
such truths ciphered into these lines poet. such ugly, horrible, stone cold truths delivered in such detached, matter-of-fact language. the 2nd and 5th stanzas are my favorite i think because they are capable of standing on their own although they blend so well with the others. i read these many times. well done.
charlie
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-24 17:13:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Ellen....I have seen this done before....a poem written with a series of haiku poems. You did well with this format.
Fated loneliness
for it feeds only itself
and dies without love..........I think this is my favorite. If find it quite profound and wise. I have
known people who lived a lonely existance and who become very bitter
making it impossible to have anyone love them. So sad.
Each of these haiku's could stand on its own but grouping them together, like you have, is an interesting and well written poem....good job!
cheers...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-03-23 09:00:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Love the title poet, how very true it is..........nice presentation of Haiku's.....syllable count is right on....Fated loneliness
for it feeds only itself
and dies without love.
How often this one happens over and over again...........thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire
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