This Poem was Submitted By: Monica ONeill On Date: 2007-05-27 16:47:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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twice wed one a son of the Emerald Isle far from home and country fighting shadows of a war not ended the other a son of the Maple Leaf wizard with a pen and paper fighting shackles of a retirement not wanted twice widowed once by the bottle the Creature’s hold upon this son of Erin too great slipped away into forever now scattered ashes upon sea foamed shores leaving me alone once by time the vise of age upon this poet’s heart unrelenting struggled lost the battle now  in a simple grave ancient beliefs honoured leaving me alone again love still lives for these two souls who left their mark and for another that remains in the shadows fighting his own demons underestimating himself suffocating life’s potential in many ways more alone than I

Copyright © May 2007 Monica ONeill

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-06-05 22:18:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Dear Monica, This is a touching poem, that delves into personal emotions of life, and love. I like the structure you used with this, a kind of lilting slower read, that holds it's own, with bold comments. You've touched on two lives, twice wed, twice loved, and twice lost. I'm sorry for your losses, especially Arnie, because I knew him. The disease of alcohol, ended my 2nd marriage, so I'm familiar - with what it's like to live with someone who abuses it. Your poem is incredibly sad, and you are very brave to put these emotions in to words. It's not an easy thing to do. My heartfelt sympathy - once again, and I'm glad you are posting here now. I hope you continue to do so. sincerely, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2007-06-05 09:14:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Moni - Nicely done for so sad a commentary. Arnie was one of my favorites here. No pretentions...he knew just exactly who he was and spoke his mind (and the truth) in such a pleasing manner. Nice "from the heart" poem. Joan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-05-30 05:48:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.73333
Good morning Moni.....what a beautiful read you have created with the flare of your pen and how proud Arnie must be as he smiles and watches over you from heaven above. Demons attack us all in one way or another and for some harder to fight off. I am so sorry about your two loses spoken of within the lines but I must say you honor both on this holiday each in their own way. Hope all is well with you and that your poetry will continue to flow........God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-05-29 15:56:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Moni....the dolefulness of this poem is overwhelming. You seem to be speaking of a son (who is fighting his own demons) as well as your beloved Arnie who hated his retirement, fought for his life and was a wizard with a pen and paper. I think your most poignant phrase is...scattered ashes upon sea foamed shores leaving me alone...beautiful and too sad for words. I like the form you used is smooth and just slips down the page with ease. Do you ever hear from Arnie's children...don't mean to be nosey but I know there was some estrangement there and I can only hope they have offered you some peace. You are a talented poet and I do hope you will continue to share your work with TPL. Also I understand your lonliness and pray that will become less and less as time passes. Well done Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-05-28 22:29:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Monica, I don't think I have ever critiqued a poem of yours; but Arnie and I are old respondents to a greater fealty. I often wondered at the union that could suffice beyond the rough edges on the velvet pillow. The transparency of emotion, of the struggles of one gone, placed in the precious seat of struggles of one here, is as telling as the poetry often shared. I find within your verse healing and hope, but deeper; the caricature of resilience, repartee, and sweetness. Each time I come to this place; I know he is gone. Today, I find I have been wrong. Lose your identity, I guess, in the loneliness of life without; you gain it once more in the rebirth of my soul. In your verse you speak: the vise of age upon this poet’s heart unrelenting struggled lost the battle then you are here speaking; and the battle has been won. the irony is not lost on the poet watching for love.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-05-27 19:27:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Monica, Wow, you've knocked my socs off. The simplicity of form lends its self so well to this smooth flowing poem. With few words you've painted pictures beyond what the words give, you show with your final statement the compassion by which you live your life,the depth of persona that goes beyone self. Yes this weekend seems to be one of remembering and wandering through those memories. Arnie wrote some wonderful poems that gave praise to our boys in blue and truly memorialized them...his gift is missed. Your own voice is clear and strong in your poetry and very enjoyable. Hope to see more from you, brava! Best always, Lora
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