This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-03-08 01:40:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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We Care - But We Don't

Some where in the invisible air Life left me cold and deep with despair Laced with disgrace in a valley of pain The dark over days poured down only rain Angels and spirits aloft way up high Yet none of them appeared to help me get by Beaten to the bone, alive and alone Mercy an empty word – has not been shown Pounds of thoughts reel around in my mind Too many for processing no resolve do I find Hell has caught hold of the back of my coat Stares and glares and seems to gloat A level down each day I walk Quiet mode won’t allow me to talk Burdens too many, more damned then saved Stress level to survive may lead me to an early grave Every one loves me and everyone cares Until they are needed then they are scarce Why does the world hide from my plight When just a little help Could ease me in this fight. I’ll never know why I gave and gave, It was me I should have helped And me I should have saved.

Copyright © March 2008 DeniMari Z.

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-04-06 08:52:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, I know this poem is placed high in the voting this month and that you have taken care to satisfy a rhyme scheme, meter count, and tight verse form with it. And that I have stated I'm declining to giving critiques upon request only. Still, I feel I should say this. Your gifts as a poet lie in the direction you have selected when you crafted, Autumn Tambourines, not this one. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-03-29 18:58:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, I understand how you feel. I've had my times in hell. You are angry! It is good to experience that also. But there comes a time you will have to choose. Anger or not. Misery or not, Love or hate. Once we are dealt the hand to hold [fair or not] we are left to deal with that situation. Even if it's unbearable. We then have a choice..........make it work for you to grow or not. Your poem shows this picture to me. Your choice is yours to make, alone. And you will find ones that ease your pain. And wish they could take it all away. You will come through this and find the other side. My heart breaks for your sorrow. Don't let anyone keep you away from tpl. You have support here. dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-03-13 15:05:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni....what a sad plea for help this poems cries out. It is almost too painful to read but once I began I could not stop. I think so many loved ones and friends are incapable of helping us when we are in pain because they don't know what to do or say. Consequently they say and do nothing...hoping all the while our pain will just go away. Grief makes many very uncomfortable...they are afraid to feel your grief lest they grive themselves. You have written your thoughts very well...each line is filled with pain and grief and for that my heart goes out to you. In time your friends will see your smile again...that is what they are hoping for. In a very short time your world was turned upside down and you were left with a mountain to climb that seems hopeless. Some might say, this too will pass. However, I believe the past never passes but we do learn how to deal with it, it just takes time. I pray you will soon find the peace you are seeking. blessings....marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2008-03-09 21:04:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi DeniMari, This poem is a rant about ingratitude and self-sacrifice. Yet almost surprisingly free of bitterness. The literalness and lack of really gut-wrenching language in such themes as this one, usually mean the writer has not lost sight of what is important to them and the lessons learned are not too impossibly or darkly over-whelming. Also, the very intense, is very seldom as 'sing-songy' as the rhythm of this poem is. Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-03-08 19:43:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni, Such a poignant write...sad, entangled emtions, depressed and on the edge...remember while everyone else may not be there but in the good times, He is always there, waiting and welcoming...keep to yourself those disciplines you know to be true and there is still a glimer of light. Your word choices are placed in such a manner as to drive home the emotions and thoughts that your poem echos for so many who have yet to find their voice. Good flow, tone carries throughout the poem, good introspective. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-03-08 11:21:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh my dear friend in poetry......this one hits home so very very hard........actually I even laughed out loud at the last stanza for there I stood, right beside is certainly strange and the more we give the less we receive......or at least it seems that way.....your words flowed well, rhymed great, brought forth images, emotions and memories.......worse yet, it is the way life is at present for me.....and perhaps for you. All I can say is bravo and Amen........going on my list for the contest for sure......hope all is well and that life will hug you better soon. God Bless, Claire
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