This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2009-03-25 07:35:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © March 2009 Kenneth R. Patton
I sit here
(windows at least)
packing a machine
worth a quarter mil
mouse tunnels in the snow
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-04-04 23:16:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
You've spoken for millions of poets. How do we tie our minds to offices, duties, obligations, jobs, etc without doing what poets do...wander, reflect and pen? I'm not surprised then that you couldn't help thinking of snow tunnels while packaging a machine. I like 'windows at least' in paranthesis. It informs us early on in the poem that you love nature.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-03-31 16:12:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Up and down emotion flows, now your the mouse in a tunnel of snow.
It sounds like you too involved in some sort of sorrow. You need some balance
to keep stabilized. We all do.
The secret is to just keep on...it will all work out.
Our world is very messed up today and money problems for one causes much stress.
I tend to dwell on misery. Working to find the way out.
Hopefully your answers will come soon.
Your writing, though sparse, sets your mood....a bit of despair.
If you tunnel into snow, you get so cold you won't feel the pain.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2009-03-29 23:39:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Love it Ken and was not expecting the mouse tunnels in the snow........My grade teachers told my mom I would be lost most of the time....day dreamer that I was....by the way where did these tunnels take you
Nice word flow, lots of images of you sitting in that small office (bet it is a super sized one at that) the packing a machine worth all that cash.........take a break my friend.....Hope you and yours are well, take good care now, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2009-03-28 08:19:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.00000
I am glad that your mind is still back in those mouse tunnels in the snow. Refuse to compromise...never give in. Those tunnels are paridise and you reconize it.
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