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Displaying Critiques 1 to 13 out of 13 Total Critiques.

Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by cheryl a kelleyCritique Date
Shadow's Last Sighmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn A beautiful piece, nice word choices create a real picture of that transitioning time of day. type-o missing n in mountain threw me for a second... all the ws in the last stanza sing off your tongue. a great ending to a beautifully written piece thanks for re-posting, as I missed it the first time! 2005-08-23 13:20:48
LessonsRachel F. SpinozaRachel, This is short but says volumes. Our parents teach us so much, but what is is that they teach. Your mother taught you how to mourn. followed by what you were not taught - how to be drunk with gladness. This is just enough information. It allows the reader to think about their own experiences. My mother taught me how to work - hard, and how to endure drudgery, but never how to dream of being fulfilled and to do the things you love. the next stanza repeats the same theme with a different (wonderful) example. and finally the "you in the poem teaches you (discovers in you) creativity and freedom, and you find all the things you were never taught. Nice piece. well done! An interesting, readable, creative love poem (most are so unreadable) 2005-02-16 10:50:10
Sir RealJames Edward SchanneJames, A very interesting piece. References to Schroedinger's cat, then, from infinity so small a matter, hmmm you cover some big theories. wind mills churn the waves where existence rides.... this sums it up to me... all your references from Schroedinger's cat to infinity to dimensions, it's all about existence and what it means. And what does it mean if the mere observation of existence changes its behavior? but looking ever inward is all we can do Enjoyed reading a poem with so may grandiose references. Thanks for sharing, Cheryl2005-02-15 14:12:23
Pondering SpringJoanne M UppendahlJoanne, These line produce very vivid images for me This morning I step into woods over rutted mud (i can see myself on the farm stepping on hardened rudded mud made by a tractor) past the trees' soft caves, ( i see the way trees bending together make a cave) I love this line find twosomes of mallard ducks over all the poem sets a mood, it's that mood of exploration and wonderment of nature. You've managed to create it well. You've done it through images, but also through the way all the words sound together. For me, the first stanza is stronger than the second, but I suspect that has more to do with my familiarity with the images in the first, rather than any kind of statement about the quality of the writing. A great piece. Thanks for sharing! Cheryl 2005-02-15 13:33:51
A Pocketful of StonesLynda G SmithLynda, your words are beautiful and souldful, truly a dark pondering. This poem reminds me of the flat-line feeling of depression. This stanza really sums up the whole impression or purpose of the piece for me: A lady descends to the lake. her thoughts bottomed out like the stoned pockets that vessel the gravity of her melancholy. the rest is more descriptive of the mood then the surprising ending come back to the stones: or would their sole purpose be To line the pockets faithfully And follow the lady down. Makes the reader question if this is about the womans suicide as she descends into the lake with her pockets full of stones. A dark piece,with beautiful language. I enjoyed it ... Cheryl 2004-09-24 13:46:22
A FragmentSandra J KelleyI love this poem. I have lots of favorite lines, but number one would have to be I wrestle with silence, contend with my family for the stories they refuse to tell I also love Sitting around the dinning room table I ask for a memory of my father like asking for the salt to be passed I'm told "There isn't one." and the stories of your mom? and grandfather? love the disjointed fragments I love the last one you added about the 3 girls... it brings it home to how your own stories are disappearing. I'm not sure that I would have deleted the last stanza about once the words fill the air... how will we breathe. I might have tried editing it ... like The stories, faster than I can write them are being erased Once my words fill the air will there be anything left to read? 2004-09-13 13:30:22
A FragmentSandra J KelleySandy! This is the best thing I've ever read. It's perfect. Every word packs serious punch and it really conveys exactly what you mean - It' hits home (OK, coming from me, I guess that's some kind of pun). Awesome.2004-05-14 12:38:56
untitled - from Nov 2003Cara-Mae D. Hackettsome nit-picky comments: line-breaks might make it a little more readable. your word choice is good makes it move off the tongue well. I got thrown a little in S4 because you don't capitalize new lines throughout the poem unless a new stentence begins, but then in s4 you have a few capitalizations.... ok enough for the nit-picky - overall, I got the message loud and clear about faith and the need to believe and how it often leads us to belive in the incredible and the ridiculous... Best line of the poem, in my opinion, "False idols and superstitious beliefs, held tightly to the breast." Cheryl 2004-05-10 16:51:32
Midnight Stallionmarilyn terwillegerMarilyn, This is a terrific read the word choice all the way through is terrific. In some places, I just love the way two words you've chosen fall off your tongue together... like 'romantic magic' never realized how fun those words are to say together. Your poem is full of great combinations. The sentence structure is also excellent. There is only one other poem I've read on here (it was by BJ Tate) that has these great long "normal" sentences, that are readable with clear meanings, while capturing rhythm and poetic language. You've definitely left the reader with the feeling of awe at the majestic animal. Nicely done - fun to read. Cheryl2004-04-28 09:42:35
The BrewJessica InmanJessica, what a great way for you to play with language. you have great skill with rhyming and your poem follows nicely - you're consistent with your rhyme scheme! Keep it up! If you keep playing with language like this you're going to have fun expressing all your ideas and experiences for years, and we're all going to have fun reading your ideas. Keep them coming! and welcome... and thanks for letting us know your age. I would keep adding that fact when you post - it allows us to tailor our critiques towards comments that will be helpful to you... Best, Cheryl 2004-04-27 13:40:22
Learning to FlyMick FraserThis is a great piece, with wonderful imagery. I love the beginning, "My hands are whirligigs" what a great image - a forgotten childhood word - it sets up the whole poem. You really show skill with combining just enough abstract thought, "pieces of the disease falling at my feet," to get the reader really thinking. And enough concrete imagery,"hangs on me like a wet shirt on a humid day," to keep the piece grounded. This is terrific! Fun to read. I'd love to read you tackle something more ambitious. I'll be looking for your stuff - cheryl2004-04-26 12:45:37
Baby In The Grey CloudMarcia McCaslinMarcia This is really beautiful. The langauage and word choices lull the reader with this serene melodic tone. Very nicely done... and yet thiere's a definite sad quality even almost eerie at times. so many great lines it's hard to choose one... one of the best I think, "Dust did not inherit greatness, and ashes did not attract gold." You've got the stanzas and line set perfectly - so that the reader is really affected by the movement. I love this part too, Her smile stretched around the globe, but tears dampened the dreaming pillow and her cries took Heaven aback. The ending surprised me and left me understanding the sadness that was present in the piece right from the beginning. Cheryl2004-04-09 10:09:16
In This Light I Am BlueThomas Edward WrightThomas, There's much I like about this. I like the concept describing a planet in the solar system the way we would describe a jilted semi-dangerous, and kind of proud of it - stalker Love the line "If you'd known I was this beautiful" probably more than I should. The reader gets also, the sense you get of a person (the author) at least slightly obsessed asking the object of his obsession, "how would you paint this ? would there be any color - o pain - at all?' so the idea works, but At the end it leaves me wanting a little more - the personification is clear in lines like, "would you call a shrink". I'd like to see the personification aspect as fully developed as the planetary aspect. The pink pills line works beautifully for both aspects. An ambitious concept that is really working... is wonderful ...has the potential to be fabulous. Cheryl 2004-04-08 17:15:38
Poem TitlePoet NameCritique Given by cheryl a kelleyCritique Date

Displaying Critiques 1 to 13 out of 13 Total Critiques.

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