This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-01 01:22:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 39 (Amnesia)

Friday afternoon We talked and shared together I lost time again

Copyright © February 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

Additional Notes: be with someone special.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-06 19:40:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69565
Ah, yes, and to have time diisappear as the result one person being fully present to another . Lovely senryu Friday afternoon We talked and shared together "I lost time again" wonderful and sensitive idea "I am not sure you need [shared together] except for the count. "Shared" implies with the other person - together in some way at least. I know I already critiqued this lovely time/space poem and I think yoi even responded - there seems to be something wrong with the server. t

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-27 17:24:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
erzahl, I love the line I lost time again. It refers to so many things including just being with someone and enjoying it so much that time loses meaning. I also like how you start the poem with time friday afternoon and then end it outside of time. Very nice job with this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-22 14:57:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Dear Erzahl, Of course I don't have to count to know that this is perfect form. It is so romantic also! I am constantly amazed how you pull each and every one off in the most perfect way. Do you think in haiku? You must cause this is a natural talent I am sure. Thanks for sharing another wonderful example of the haiku art form. I know that you have inspired me and it seems like several others here as well. Thanks for sharing, keep them coming, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-21 15:47:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nice haiku. The syllable count is correct (for English), but I find this a little philosophical for haiku which is supposed to capture an instant observation, preferably regarding nature and the seasons. I enjoy philosophy, also. Some of my haiku fit in the same category. Thanks for submitting this keen personal poem!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-16 09:34:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Erzahl, This paints lovely picture of two lovers. I can appreciate the thought very much because of course, I have memory like this. Usually this scene is happening during friday because that the is the end of the business day in a week. Realistic. The last line "I lost time again" is just practical to say. Simple and yet poetic! Thanks for sharing this with us. How's your date las Valentines day? Best regards, Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Carolyn Minsker On Date: 2004-02-14 06:01:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Happy Valentines Day, Erzahl. Thank you for this delicious treat! So ROMANTIC!! Much Love, Carolyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2004-02-09 12:53:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Erzahl, For I cannot critique you on form of this poem, I do not know how to write them. But, I can critique you on your words.. and oh, do they come true in this readers life. It seems that boring times in life, when alone, go so slowly, but times with the person you love.. passes so fast. If only time would stop.. on that Friday afternoon. Thank you for sharing. Robin.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-09 10:52:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Erzahl, You give us a peek into your life with just a few well placed words...who could do this but you? Of course, this is a perfect haiku in structure and the meaing of your words are delightful. Your verses continue to amaze me and I am sure I am not alone as you consistantly make the top 6 or 7 on the winners list each month. Losing time because you are enjoying the company of a cherished one is so wonderful and I hope you continue to do that and to share your poetry with us. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-02-05 21:15:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl, Yes..yes..yes..How wonderful it is to lose track of time because two are so focused and completed together. Always the romantic, I love this haiku of love.:) Deb:)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-05 08:16:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000 be young, in love and suffer amnesia....certainly when one is so close to you and your hearts are joined together in time standing still.......indeed the entire day may just slip by and one may not know it.......though spent together.....good form, 5-7-5 true as always my friend..... I find there are many thoughts just the title opens up though and I sit here and think of an afternoon with mom who at age 92 has short term memory loss which to me is a form of amnesia since she might remember another time and place many many years ago but cannot remember what I fed her for lunch......interesting how you associate your with love and I with the elderly though I am not old.....yet...hehehe.... Again, thank you for posting I always enjoy finding your work for you are so versatile in your creatinve safe my friend, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-03 10:25:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cherish it ee. It don't last forever. I'm not sure Amnesia is the proper title. Amnesia means (to me, anyway) a loss of memory for an event. Here, your sense of time was lost while you related to your special and significant "other" - I would doubt you forgot ANYTHING about that! How about finding a word or phrase that signifies the "timelessness" of the moment, rather than the "brain defect" -iveness of a word like "amnesia." OK? I like the image. I love the image and the message. I just don't like AMnesia. "Timenesia?" :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-01 18:33:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like the idea of this, and it's inspired me to write a couple of haikus with my wife. We both really liked it. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-01 11:11:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Erzahl--This one is a wee bit different, and I may have enjoyed it even more, simply because it is not your normal nature theme-smile. There are hints that indicates more than just a meeting of the minds took place this particular "Friday." Regardless, the piece conjures up pleasant imagery of a tryst that lasted an inordinate amount of time (which equals=just about right-haha). When things are going quite well there is a tendency to lose all track of time and in your case, things went so well you got "Amnesia." Brillant title for this gem. As always techs met: three lines, 5-7-5 syllables, and conciseness; with not one letter/word wasted. Well, another superb Haiku from the undisputed champ of TPL. TLW
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