This Poem was Submitted By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-03-23 21:56:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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red breasted branch blooms crocus cheek plays peek-a-boo winter's woes adieu

Copyright © March 2004 Andrea M. Taylor

Additional Notes:
Happy Spring...revisited.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-04-07 21:43:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93103
Hi Andrea, This is a bright little jewel. The branch and a robin image combine so nicely in L1. The "bloom" is a bird, I think! How delightful. In S2, the alliteration works well, and the internal rhyme of cheek/peek also tweaks the ear with pleasure. In L3, the contrast with the winter provides the "turn" so essential to haiku. It's unexpected to be reminded of the seasonjust past but the contrast heightens the appreciation of spring. (Now, if it would only make it up to where I am ... the sun shone all day but we still have too much snow in the shade of the woods). You've brought a smile of enjoyment to my corner of the world tonight. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-29 05:07:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Andrea, In such words you have captured that Spring “moment”. A true haiku in traditional structure and form. The rhyming “blooms”, “boo” and “adieu” just add beauty to already perfect entry. The haiku is colorful, fresh and inspiring. It got all the ingredients of simplicity and elegance at the same time. The descriptive “blooms”, “peek-a-boo” and “woes adieu” are playful and enjoyable. I find it inter-related and synchronously ideal. I find this poetically and intelligently done! Nothing to add! Just excellent! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-28 13:34:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.51852
Andrea--First, howdy. That's how we greet out west-smile. I like this saturations of allits (...breasted branch bloom/crocus cheek.../...plays peek-a-boo/winter's woes...):these descriptors not only create vivid imagery but also produce a nice rhythmic tone. All technicals met for this terse Haiku (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/nature themed). Fresh metaphoric/nonliteral look at sure signs of winter ending and spring beginning. I only have a tiny suggestion for this standout piece: a title other than "Haiku" would give this a finishing touch (it does not however,distract from the read). In my humble opinion something like "Color of Spring"/"Seasonal"/"Spring". Sorry if I misstated your intentions, but thanks for sharing this great effort (it's reminds me of an Erzahl post). TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-25 21:08:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Andrea, I love haiku, the count is great, your use of descriptives meld nicely together, leaving me with the sensation of Spring, although I must admit I am absolutely blank when it comes to identifying all the beautiful vestages of Sprung, but to non-green lack of isentification, this poem reverberates nicely for me. We just went through one of the most horrible Winter's and this lightens the spirit, along with the milder temperatures we're being to experience around here, the sun shines more then hides, and there is a quickening of the blood in anticipation. Lovely haiku. I don't believe I've critiqued any other haiku bu by you, but you certainly show all the sensation within the very difficut restricts of creating haiku. Great show, a lot of sensation in your dialogue, very enjoyable....DFeb's coming hope we can get together for lunch or something. Good luck with this haiku, love it more are beginning to use this style, considering it's always been a favorite style for me, it's wonderful to see.....Best always, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2004-03-25 13:54:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Dear Andrea, There is something very seductive in your first line. Maybe is the multiple syllables at the front of the line and the stucco dance ant the end or the fact that we think Robin and then we get blooming tree. I love the body metaphor that continues with crocus cheek. I wonder if some how you could continue that imagery and be as concrete in the past line as well keeping the meaning up upping the impact of the language. Thanks! Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-03-25 09:44:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Andrea, What a wonderful way to welcome Spring. I don't believe I have seen it displayed this way before and it gives me goose bumps. The way the " red breasted branch blooms" as I see the little buds forming on some of our bushes and trees.... It give me hope that Spring will come. The crocus cheek ( what a unique and marvelous way of using a crocus) plays peek-a-boo. There again, it is like the little flower buds are peaking there heads out to see, "is is really spring. We don't want to come out if we are going to be frozen again." Awesome! And the adieu of winter is what most all of us are looking forward to. More light, more sun, flowers and trees full of luster, yes, I love it when it we can say good-bye to Winter. Yes, it serves its purpose, but I love the warmth and the fresh air of spring. And excellent Haiku, bringing out a picture and new hopes for the warmth we will soon have! Love, Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-24 14:54:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.31250
Hi Andrea, This is a great haiku! Just in time for spring red breasted branch blooms...such a poetic way of saying the branch has red bloosoms sends such a lovely image to my mind crocus cheek plays peek-a-boo....another wonderful phrase...I can see their little faces peeking out of the ground and leaf cover of last fall winter's woes adieu..........perfect again...the best way to herald spring is to wave good-bye to winter. I like this haiku as well as any I have read...good job...wonderfu imagery. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-03-24 13:55:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Andrea, Ah, now you have the correct syllable count! Now it is a Haiku! It is really a beautiful one, full of the promise of spring. I enjoyed it! Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-24 09:28:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56579
Really a tongue-twisting 1st line, maybe just a little too much?? Beautiful images, though. The amount of alliteration in this short piece is amazing. The blooms seem to be popping right out at the reader. Then the suddenness and change in the mood via the closing line is outstanding, as it should be. Syllable count is fine, though there has been a tendency to give some leeway with the counting in English versions of this form, for the reason that there is so much difference between the languages. In Japanese, the onji (sounds) are quite different in interpretation, and this is where the haiku originated. An excellent job. Thanks for submitting. If you're really interested in this form, you might go to or I'm ready for more any time! wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-03-23 22:23:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43590
Hi Andrea....nice Haiku with lovely images bringing forth Spring......true to form this one is 5-7-5......I'm short on my words tonight........its been a rough week with mom sick and dying here at home ...Mom joined my dad tonight in God's love....she was 92 years old..... Thanks for posting and for safe, God Bless, Claire
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