This Poem was Submitted By: Alexander Inman On Date: 2004-05-01 01:54:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Australia, My Home

The hot red desert sand, Like silk between my toes Australia is a desert land which everyone should know Australia is famous for there are bushlands And many many rocks, Uluru is one of them, Abandoned by woolly flocks Australia has many animals like the kangaroo, koala and kookaburra. The wombat is cute and cuddly and digs lots of burrows Australia my home Always will remain. I will never find a place like this Ever again.

Copyright © May 2004 Alexander Inman

Additional Notes:
I'm only 10 yrs old, not the best at making up poems so go easy on me, And most of my poems are really short!!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-06-04 01:01:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Alex, Welcome to the site Alex! For a ten year old, this is superb! What I liked about your poem is your honesty and proud declaration of your beautiful country Australia. You stand proud to its beauty. One can easily be attracted by your words. The adjectives and the images are clear. I hope I could visit the land you called “home” and see those “cute and cuddly” animals you have. I enjoyed the continuous “k” sound of “kangaroo”, “koala” and “kookaburra” and how you grouped them in one line. Clever! Thanks for welcoming and introducing us to your land. Keep it up kid! Keep those inspiring and wonderful poems come to The Poetic Link. We’ll keep on reading it. As always, Erzahl :) Special Comment: Oh, congratulations to your candidate Ms. Australia for winning Ms. Universe 2004. Another “proud beauty” of your country.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Anne Korb On Date: 2004-06-02 00:05:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43750
Alexander, I loved your poem. It's a little rough in spots where the rhyming is concerned, but that comes with practice, I think and developing a good ear for rhythm and metre. Keep writing, what you have to say is lovely and that's most of the battle, having something to say.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Morales On Date: 2004-05-26 23:35:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
"I will never find a place like this Ever again." Come and visit Texas! It's very similar to Australia. We don't have kangaroo's, koala's, or kookaburra's. But we do have armadillos, horned toads, and wild mustangs. Excellent poetry, Alexander. Keep up the good work. Best, Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-25 11:31:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Alexander, This is pretty good. Is it your first effort at writting poetry? If so, I'd say you have a good start and a talent that will only get better with time and practice. Nice, patriotic title for this poem, I can tell you love your country. It's also an imformational poem, telling the reader about the land and fauna of Austrailia. The tactile imagery of the sand between your toes adds a nice touch. Your rhymes are not always solid and the meter not perfect, but those are skills that one learns over time, so don't worry about that for now. The fact that you are able to tell us about your home land in a poetic voice and hold your own doing so is quite immpressive. Australia is famous for there are bushlands--I would exclude [there are] And many many rocks, Uluru is one of them, Abandoned by woolly flocks----love the use of "woolly" here, and your rhyme is stong! I enjoyed this poem, Alexander and wish to see you writing more poetry as you learn and grow! Thanks for sharing this poem with all of us at TPL. Are you related to anyone on the link? I'm just curious. My best, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-14 12:19:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Only ten years old? That is great. You are just at the beginning of what could well be a life of fine writing. You don’t really want meto “go easy on you” do you? I mean, sure, we all want praise but your work is mature and moving and so I am going to critique it just as I would. an adult and not just heap praise on it ‘cause you are young. I have read your poem and if I though it was just another young kids work I would be “kind” in just that way – but it has such potential that I am going to give you my real opinion. Okay? Australia, My Home Good title – not that originalin concept but it will serve as it tells us just what the poem will be about. If you wanted to change it you could refer to the name of a town or a time of day in a particular place so that we would have a real sense of being in Australia. The poem tell us in the body of the text where we are. The hot red desert sand, Like silk between my toes Great beginning. We can feel the desert and you engage our senses [sight/touch] and give us a great simile [like silk beneath my toes]. Australia is a desert land which everyone should know I think that the second line is there just 'cause you are looking for a rhyme as the writing is not as strong. If I “should know it” I will feel stupid for not knowing it [I did know it, whew] Australia [has famous bushlands] [i made that suggestion for the meter] And many many rocks, Uluru [what a wonderful word!]is one of them, Abandoned by woolly flocks Alexander, for my own edification, why did the sheep leave? Australia has many animals like the kangaroo, koala and kookaburra. The wombat is cute and cuddly and [it] digs lots of burrows [for the rhythm] I think the way you rhyme "kookakurra" and "burrows" is wonderful! I also like the k alliteration. Australia my home [this is perfect here] Always will remain. I will never find a place like this Ever again. Good firm end rhyme which takes us back home. This is an fine poem for a person of any age – it teaches us something and lets us see the world in a new way and shows a clear love for language and skill in poetics. Keep writing and one day we will all know your name, Alexander Inman! Best wishes for a fine career in writing and please let us see more of your work, Rachel
This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-05-10 22:05:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Alexander, For a ten year old, you're far beyond your years. You've got a talent, already evident in what you've written in form here. Keep with the form for now. Write in rhyme, learn to hear the meter and the rhythm of words together. Learn to put sounds together and other poetical devices, such as allusion (drawing a connection to something outside your poem, such as a famous description, a quote, a phrase, a book, etc.) or enjambment (when you use the line break at the end of a line to give a double meaning for the words that end the first line and begin the second line). Being from Australia, you'll have a lot of interesting things to write about. Things which are common and everyday for you, such as the wildlife you describe, will be interesting to others. Think about what senses you want to use with each stanza you write and try to limit it to two or three at the most for each stanza. For example, in the first stanza, you use touch/tactile experience such as hot and between my toes, and visual imagery such at red and silk. That's great. Keep working like that and you'll be a published poet before you know it. This poem reads like a postcard. It makes me want to jump on a plane and fly over there just to check it out. I liked the detail you provided with the bushlands and rocks, such as Uluru. Those are the kinds of things which show that you are a talented writer. Take your time and enjoy it, and I'm sure you'll just keep getting better and better. Thanks for taking the risk to share your poetry with us at the Poetic Link. I hope this critique has helped, and I welcome you to read and critique my poems as well. Best of luck to you in all your writing endeavors. Warm regards, Don Cribbs
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-05-09 21:35:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Alexander, the good thing about your poems is you use a lot of concrete images, the specific names of animals and rocks the discriptives like color, tempeture etc that allow us to see and feel what you are experiencing. Also, you have nice rythm and your rhyme is natural and unforced. Keep on making up poems and read the greats, frost, lawler, blake, shakespear, cummings, ginsburg. Good luck with your future writing. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-05-08 20:27:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hey, for a 10-year-old, this is a great job. I would suggest only a couple changes, such as: Australia is famous for there are bushlands - [delete "there are" - "Australia is famous for bushlands"] I will never find a place like this - [Possibly use contraction "I'll never..." to shorten this a bit.] Ever again. - [...and add a 2nd "ever" for a better balance in line length and rhythm.] Alexander, these are only suggestions for consideration. I applaud your work, and encourage more. Thanks for getting on the wagon here at TPL.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-01 19:03:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Alexander--This is an excellent rhyming nature themed/tribute poem and made more impressive by your age. You've also done a very smart thing in writing about something you know about and are comfortable with. At least in this case, your love of counry, seem to work quite well for your poem. As good as this is, I do have one small suggestion for the first line of the second stanza (or the 5th line): as written "Australia is famous for there are bushlands..." reads a little ackward. Maybe something like "Australia is famous for its bushlands..." gives a more even read/smoother flow (however, just a suggestion). This is only a tiny distraction from your great effort. Thanks for sharing and keep writing. I hope to read more of your work. TLW
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