This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-05-12 18:36:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Blending of the Heart Love is an exposure of the heart
compassion sits holding hands with care.
The aptness to subsist while apart
yet persevere together in all we dare.
Love is giving and honest devotion
saying yes at times while balancing it with no.
Cyclic exact as nature in motion
similar to the ocean’s ebb and flow.
Love is peace in a stirring creation
occasionally with storms of needless woe.
The warmth of sincere and genuine elation
to the coldness of the deepest snow.
Love is the flower fragrant and sweet
yet the passing of its innocent beauty too.
It is commitment without opposing deceit
but also encompasses assessing and review.
Love is inspiration, intuition, and illumination
it can bring heartache and painful grief.
Love is a trembling euphoric excitation
or shaking the sorrow of a once known belief.
Love is............
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Copyright © May 2004 Debbie Spicer
Additional Notes:
Part One
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-06-04 01:10:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Debbie,
Wow, I really loved this! Your works had rarely make it on the top spot but I for me you are one of TPL’s fine poets. Why? Because you write with your heart and with your experience. There is always truth in your words. Readers can feel the connection and the relations.
“compassion sits holding hands with care.”
--- I can visualize family members visiting sick relatives in hospitals. The metaphor is superb!
“Love is giving and honest devotion
saying yes at times while balancing it with no.”
--- I really loved these lines! Yes, that is reality and you have “balanced” it well! Fittingly right!
“Cyclic exact as nature in motion
similar to the ocean’s ebb and flow.”
--- Great follow-up…I liked the poetic touch of these lines.
“Love is peace in a stirring creation
occasionally with storms of needless woe.”
--- Wow, another words of “thunder”! Blowing away this reader with your lyrical prowess! Just great!
“The warmth of sincere and genuine elation
to the coldness of the deepest snow.”
--- You continuous association with nature is entertaining! Effective! It brings spices to your wonderful entry.
“Love is the flower fragrant and sweet
yet the passing of its innocent beauty too.”
--- Ah…this is “sweet”! I could not add for more! You just know how to delight your readers!
“It is commitment without opposing deceit
but also encompasses assessing and review.”
--- I like your formula of romantic words and profound message. You combine these with ease!
“Love is inspiration, intuition, and illumination
it can bring heartache and painful grief.”
--- I enjoyed the rhyming of “tion” and the alliteration of “i". Though rhyming and alliterating, it didn’t sound trying hard and still holds true to the topic. Perfect!
“Love is a trembling euphoric excitation
or shaking the sorrow of a once known belief.”
--- Profound! Just exquisite to end and summarized the whole thought! Clever!
“Love is............”
--- Great way to support your additional notes “Part I”. Nice fashion to end the poem.
I find this lyrically done and skillfully accomplished! Your choice of words is excellent! The structure is well posited! Everything is in their proper places. You have successfully relayed your message with so much art in it. Great effort!
Thanks for this wonderful read! Definitely in one of my top list! I’m just saddened that I have no enough points for voting. Anyway, God bless…I know this will hit high! Kudos!
As always,
Erzahl :)
Special Notes:
--- I hope you don’t mind me telling you that my “japanese verse 47 (Ava Jean) is also dedicated to you. I hope you don’t mind checking it out (if you haven’t read on it). Comments / reply is not required. Thank you.
--- How is Ms. JoMo? Any news? I hope she is doing well. My prayers are always with her.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-02 22:02:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44898
Debbie, how true! Excellent form, imagery, rhythm, rhymes. I might use a comma here or there, but what the heck, it's yours and I know they were left out intentionally. No problem. Some nice alliteration and assonance in this as well. An excellent read and description of that most difficult of subjects about which all poets write. Can't wait for Part Two. Write on in harmony, happiness and peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-05-31 22:08:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Debbie,
This poem is wonderful, it seems like you are so at peace with yourself, it is
showing a wonderful growth and healing on your part. I am so happy that you are
doing well. You have been through so much and you deserve all the love that
you can be bestowed on you. You are a wonderful person.
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-05-16 04:40:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Hi Debbie,
This is a lighhearted piece with the abounding sweet images of love.
In million ways we can express love. In million ways we can describe love.
It appears in many dimensions and levels. I just love the dimension of love
you are portraying. It is deep in maturity and spirituality.
The title "Blending of the Heart" is just apt to summarize the whole poem.
The expression of love you are mostly portraying is abstract and I am
glad to see the concrete representation "Love is the flower fragrant and sweet".
Nothing I can change in this beautiful expression of love.
Thanks for sharing, Debbie. I'm sure you are full of love these days!
Blessings,
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-05-14 22:55:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Yes Deb, love is as you say, all those things, you aptly relate in wonderful rhyme, it fits well. Love is the good with the bad, the bad with the good.
Nice sentiment, said aptly, and let the awaking continue.....
Thank God for those in our lives, who ride the ebb anf flo, and life continues........
Love, ya...always..Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-05-14 05:50:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Hi Debbie-
I'll place some thoughts within your carefully constructed and thoughtful verse:
These are just some off the cuff ideas that struck me as I read through.
Love is an exposure of the heart
compassion sits holding hands with care.
The aptness to subsist while apart
yet persevere together in all we dare.
Love is giving and honest devotion
saying yes at times [] balanc[ed] [] with no. ....I thought the line too long
[As] [c]yclic[al] [] as nature in motion [cyclic exact] just doesn't work for me
[akin to?/like?] the ocean’s ebb and flow. {similar to} is too mundane
Love is peace in [] creation [stirred] [use the active voice]
[ ] with storms of needless woe.
The warmth of sincere and genuine elation
to the coldness of the deepest snow.
Love is the flower fragrant and sweet
yet the passing of its innocent beauty too.
It is commitment without opposing deceit
[and] encompasses assessing and review.
Love is inspiration, intuition, and illumination[:]
it can bring heartache and painful grief.
Love is a trembling euphoric excitation
or shak[es] the sorrow of a once known belief.
Love is............
It's a good start Deb. Will look for future additions.
Good luck.
tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-13 18:27:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Debbie,
Yes love is...all those things which are many times missed by two people who never
stop long enough to appreciate what they have. I love the rhyme scheme you use here...it
is melodic and expresses your feelings of love in a beautiful way. The first line
Love is an exposure of the heart....we do that don't we? Open ourselves up to love and
expose our inner being to the one we love the most
Love is giving and honest devotion...to find this kind of love is such a treasure and one
that we should never take for granted
Love is peace in a stirring creation...amazing line..prfound and wise from one who knows this
all consuming love
Love is the flower, fragrant and sweet..yes it is and we must treasure it as such..take care
of its fragility and encourage it to grow
Love is the inspiration, intuition and illumination
it can bring heartache and painful grief...but with true and great love the pain will be
shared and overcome which eases the pain..when you
have no one to share the grief with is when the
pain is unbearable
Love is a trembling, euphoric excitation
or shaking the sorrow of a once known belief
Love is
This is just beautiful and somewhat different than your past writings which make me feel
glad....also the fact that it is part one is exciting as we get to read more about what
'Love is'......lovely...I would not change a word.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: zen sutherland On Date: 2004-05-13 00:37:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well hello Debbie!
Lofty and well-written, high and yet direct this is a good poem - a good description of love - that there's very little i would change, and the changing may just to suit me, but here goes:
The aptness to subsist [while] apart
I would delete while... it's just a dumb connective word that only bumps the rhythm. And if you do, only maybe reverse the order of "persevere" and "together" in the next line to preserve that regularity.
And i think i would remove the last line with its large elipsis. A poem by its nature gives what it has to a reader and then lets them explore further... no need to drive home the last nail. And besides, it could leave the reader with the impression that the poet wasn't really sure what comes next (which may be what you've meant, and- if so - there's probably a better way to state that implicitly somehow).
Nice to read rhyme that doesn't seem forced, too (It's so easy to get locked into making a rhyme to satisfy the beat; and in doing so, hack at language).
The meanings are descriptive and clear in the wonderful lines:
"saying yes at times while balancing it with no."
"the passing of its innocent beauty"
"Love is a trembling euphoric excitation
or shaking the sorrow of a once known belief."
How well you've kept your theme of the wide richness of love that we don't always acknowledge as love, the saying no, the passing of beauty and innocence. Well done!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-12 20:19:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Re: "Blending of the Heart"
Writer: "Love is an exposure of the heart"
LJMc: What an engaging poetic with which to begin the "Blending" of this piece. And the implied
metaphore of film, [it's the image this reader receives] makes the point spendidly.
Writer: "compassion sits holding hands with care."
LJMc: Comparsion and care are intrinsic to love, writer, and you've connected them
beautifully.
Writer: "Cyclic exact as nature in motion
similar to the ocean’s ebb and flow."
LJMc: Your argument is pursuasive, yet what is remarkable is the poetic manner in which
you present them. Excellent work!
Writer: "Love is the flower fragrant and sweet
yet the passing of its innocent beauty too."
LJMc: Oh my, such tender words, placed in a way that cannot but capture the attention
of a sensitive soul.
Writer, after doing such a fine job on the content, style; an impressive display of
alliteration, e.g. "holding/hands; flower/fragrant; shaking/sorrow;" and the striking assonance,
e.g."inspiration/intuition/illumination;" you then take on the quatrain form in abab rhyme
pattern. What else are you going to do? This reader will most certainly be watching for Part 2
to see.
Congratulations!
A fellow poet, Lennard J. McIntosh
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