This Poem was Submitted By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-09-10 10:32:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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thoughts looking outside tinted windows of Id's house fostering beliefs

Copyright © September 2004 Andrea M. Taylor

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-06 09:09:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81481
Hi Andrea, This is a very enticing haiku. What I love most about it is that you endeared the title with one word. I sometimes find it destracting when writers give haiku's very long titles. There are only seventeen syllables in the poem, and making a long title just defeats the purpose (smile). So, INSIGHT, was a joy to see, and just like the haiku itself, the one word gives readers a strong inclination of what the following three lines will lead to. I like that you don't simply write a sentence that literally tells all. That's another thing that takes away from the poetic nature of haiku. thoughts looking outside / here you personify something so human, but not a human (our thoughts) and when we think of insight, you make something profound of the actual state of insight; it does require thinking. tinted windows of Id's house / and here you get psychological on us, and you make the haiku even stronger in the second line with the word choice/verbiage. fostering beliefe / this last line is genuine because you finalize and drive the title home. INSIGHT -- it fosters belief. Thanks for sharing an awesome haiku with us this month, and I do look forward to reading more. Haiku are not as simple to write as we think; they do require natural skill. Good job. Latorial

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-10-03 13:59:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
I really liked your Haiku. It amazes me how much can be said in just a few little words. Here is what I got from it. We tend to look outside ourselves for the answers, but we’re looking through eyes prejudiced by our life experiences. Where we should be looking is inside. Thank you for the wonderful thoughts. Kay
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-09-27 02:00:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Andrea, “thoughts looking outside” - These three words can already summarized your subject “Insight”! “thoughts” for “in” while “looking outside” to “sight”. Very clever! tinted windows of Id's house fostering beliefs - I liked the use of “tinted windows” for our hidden thoughts and “Id’s house” for our inner self. “Fostering beliefs” perfectly supports and ends this piece! A well-thought entry for a playful haiku format! Thank you for the great effort! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-09-24 13:20:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
A great view from inside to out. Id's House is a brilliant metaphor, I wish I had written it. The view, whatever the beliefs, is well represented in your Haiku. Great Job.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-09-12 20:45:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Andrea--Nice metaphoric Senryu. Very similar to a Haiku except for their themes: both have three lines/5-7-5 syllables/. They differ in themes: haiku is nature theme and Senryu is human nature/human behavior/satirical/humorous. Fresh descriptors for distinguishing this third part of the "psyche." Your nonliteral verbiage IMO is an excellent allegory of this part of the mind. I'm sure Freud would've chuckled-smile. Thanks for the cute psychology lession. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-09-10 13:33:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
The intellect sees through its instinctive lens, does that lead us to only some of our beliefs or all of our beliefs you certainly leave that to the reader, which I think is quite right. Thanks for letting me read and comment.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-09-10 11:32:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Andrea, how clever, I love the line looking through the tinted windows of ids house. Yes we all see and interpret the world through a screen of our own desires. I like this. Sandra
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