This Poem was Submitted By: housam majid jarrar On Date: 2003-12-22 05:12:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © December 2003 housam majid jarrar
An angel has swept through town
with so much in mind
and so much at heart.
She came not to take
but to give and receive,
she saw how we love
and came to show us what went wrong.
Can we all give it one more try
or is it a lost dream
that will continue to be just that.
No answers are clear
but one is certain.
angels only come for
what they're asked for,
be it love
be it dreams.
I shall hold up a candle
until she passes by,
in hope I don't lose
more than what was forgotten.
Shivers run up my spine
while sweat runs slowly down my chest
as i think of what to ask for
what will i receive.
For all the riches to ask for
one thing is clear,
I aim for what is true
or maybe what feels like it
an answer to a simple question!
what am I here for
what am I here to do?
this poem is about despiration in seeking the meaning of life,for some its religion,for others its not,one thing is for certain,we are far far from it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-27 18:42:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79167
Angel, so like the title, structure is simple and true as are the words which ring with love and bring forth images as one reads on down the lines.....each stanza bringing more then the one before, offering you your own thoughts and ideas on what is right and wrong within your soul........I have angels which walk with me daily, I have one named Anna who has been with me since the day I was born and will someday return with me to the Father.........I have felt these presence in my life on many occassions and I pray you have too. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us, be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-12-26 18:46:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Like I used to tell my patients = sometimes the only answer is that there is no answer. Such is
the perplexity of the universe and to those that are seekers.
In the last stanza you wrote the pronoun uncapitalized in several lines, yet within the same stanza
you capitalized it. Why?
I think your last line sums it all up. Truly what are we here to do? And for whom? To wage war?
To kill? To triumph over the opressed? What? Tell me what! No...don't answer that 'cause you
Oh sure, send me off on a tangent of philosophical thinking!
I've never read your poetry before but this one is good, and a keeper although I'm not sure about
the title. I think you could have chosen something a little more esoteric and not one that is
embodied in the poem itself. Dig?
Thanks so much for posting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-12-25 11:48:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
How nice for me to see a new name here. New to me, anyway. Welcome! As a poem this reads well. I thought the use of space was done well. There are some inconsistancies in the capitalization of words in the third stanza, as "I" is sometimes written in the small case letter. am assuming these are typos. I don't know if this is a help, but someone I once told me one should always try to end every line in a poem with a strong word. One word at end line in this poem struck me as being a little weak. The word "for" does not help the poem at line's end. A simple change in line break would most likely make the poem stronger. Try it, it might work.
The poem speaks to a universal question addressed by all human beings. Who am I and why am I here? One needs to answer the first, and the seond pretty much answers itself. My own view is that why I'm here is not my business. I have to assume there is a reason for existance and simply do my best to treat others and myself as well as I can each day. Who knows? Maybe the reason I am here is to answer your question, and if that is it I am content. I keep hoping that part of my being here is to write a great poem. We all have our dreams...
Thank you for posting this. No doubt you can write, and I hope to read more of your work!
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-24 16:51:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69231
I have read this piece several times and each time I like it better.
I has a soft feel just like an angel..."an angel swept through town"
from this first line I knew I would fall in love with your angel. She came
to town giving us love, understanding, and hopefully teach us how to
love one another in a more profound fashion. She came only to give and
not to take which is rare these days. She is not focused on herself and
if we just open our eyes to her wonder we can learn from her generosity.
The second stanza is my favorite...."I shall hold up a candle until she
passes by in hope I don't lose more of what was forgotten."...this is
such a poingant statement and aptly relates to our life as mere mortals.
Sometimes we do tend to forget those wonderful events as unimportant and
if we only pause for a moment and take in the essence and beauty of it
we would be so much more contented. Then you tell us how fearful you are
about what to ask for but even more what you will receive. I have often
hear the statement..."be careful what you ask for" sometimes our prayers
are answered in ways that do not please us and can even be scarey....
...."what am I here for or even what am I here to do"...if only we had
the answer to this age old question as I think we all wonder what our
purpose is in the scheme of things. We also wonder when a small child
dies and the elderly or infirm live on against impossible odds. I like
what you have done with this wise angel.....if only she would give us
the answer but I fear she will not. Good read...keep writing
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-12-24 14:12:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82609
housam--Your notes address' a topic which is not unusual for this time of year; such
reflections seem to be the norm: what is the meaning of life? why are we here? These
questions are too abstruse for us mere mortals. Most of us will agree with you, however,
that we are many many eons away from acquiring the answers as well as living this "it".
Many profound thoughts and an equally apt title for this poem. This piece has a nice ebb
and flow created by a combination of alliterations (through town, she saw, what went
wrong, is it, answers are, what was, what will, an answer) and good line breaks: your
breaks have been placed where the words belong together and/or end with emphasis, esp.,
...through town...; ...what went wrong; ...what was forgotten; ...a simple question.
In addition, the line breaks allows a rhythmic read with natural pauses. A very poetic
free verse with a tinge of pessimism; a good read and a superb effort. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-23 02:10:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.05556
this is a poem with so much meaning about life. you have expressed it very well with so much tenderness, passion. maybe you are so enamored to what it truly means to live and let live. thanks for sharing it. take care and merry christmas. april
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-23 00:22:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40909
an interesting poem... I almost feel as though it is two separate poems... That the first should end at the line "angels only come for
what they're asked for,
be it love
be it dreams."
And another start directly after...
I say this because there is different energies that come across in the second half of it. I don't feel as if it flows naturally into it...
Otherwise, i enjoyed the poem!
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