This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2004-06-08 11:20:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Eternal

Darkness prevails momentarily as one chapter ends Dimly a light surfaces as a new one begins                Thus, the cycle of life Flowers placed to represent peace Still others present a new beginning                 Life taken, another born The cycle continues  knowing no bounds Each direction having its own distance                  script everlasting                  individual evermore

Copyright © June 2004 Thomas H. Smihula


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-07-07 12:58:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Hi, Thomas This poem is filled with the wise construction and philosophy I have come to expect with your work. I especially like Flowers placed to represent peace Still others present a new beginning and its internal assonance of represent/present and placed/peace/present. Very skillful writing indeed. It is good to see your work again. It would be nice if you get a chance to stop by the poetry group. It is going strong. Best Roni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-07-03 14:17:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Tom, Your presence has been missed. Glad you're back! And no better way to celebrate then to comment on this lovely poem. This is just as life seems: short and sweet. A better representation you won't find. The form and flow are suggestive of the title. The "D's" of the first stanza are overpowering just like the big "D" word (death), drawing the reader in. The "P's" in s-2 perk up our ears and the alliteration of cycle/continues adds to this beautiful poem as well. All in all, I'd say this one's a winner. Thanks for posting! Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-07-01 01:42:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13333
I really liked the flow of this poem. I feel the rhythm is perfect. The meter and your choice of words take a dire subject and give it hope. Youíve shown the positive and purposeful side of death. Death isnít something we want to have in our lives, but what kind of lives would we have without it? Getting back to your poem, sorry about starting to head off on a tangent, I like the feel that the placement of the lines gave the poem. The lines that jutted out make a statement, to me, that they were the rulers of this poem, so I read just those lines. Now I see this poem as two that were merged. Two have to merge to make the birth of one. In this case the birth of this poem. Thank you for placing this poem where I was able to have the chance to read it. Kay-Ren
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-30 13:16:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Tom, Welcome back. My gut reaction, which is what you want, is . . . i just read a poem. Sorry. Not much of a gut reaction. But I am who I am. Maybe i have something to contribute here, maybe not. I like the lay out. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-14 21:38:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hi, this is a very interesting read, due particularly to the unique form. I detect a capitalization sequence of every other line in the quatrains, then each single line, but none in the ending couplet. Is this intentional, I wonder? I think the theme might be developed a little more completely, but it reads quite nicely as is. It just seemed so short for describing the subject of the piece, and for a "script everlasting". I jest a little. :>) You have written a nice poem. Thanks for contributing again. I see it's been a while since your last post. Welcome back, and I hope to see more of your work. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-06-11 16:21:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Thomas, Very nice, very inciteful. After we cry so long, we finally laugh..... sad gives way to joy. We always 'make it' somehow. INTACT. hanging on for the ride of our life.... my best to you, dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-10 18:29:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hi Tom, What lovely and peaceful thoughts you have written with your pen....'Darkness prevails as one chapter ends' this is really an uplifting line because it tells us that death is only a chapter or piece of our life and the light that surfaces is another beginning... to me it is a peaceful thought. Flowers that mean peace and also present a new beginning such is the cycle of our life...'life taken, another born' 'the cycle continues knowing no bounds..each direction having its own distance' and the last two lines are so perfect for the ending of this piece...'script everlasting...individual evermore'...so true..life really is a full circle...one beginning flows to the end and begins again without interuption, without end. Well done...thanks for posting this thoughtful and compelling piece. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-08 16:11:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I have always said that poems on TPL come in sections. It's clear that the topic du month is how cyclical life is. It's a spring and summer topic, I think. That said, I would look for mystery here. It's not clear to me that the poet found any mystery in the observed. It's a very dispassionate look at this, and quite simple in it's unfolding. I would like to hear more how the poet connected to these observations in the work. Thanks, REEG!
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