This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-10-12 18:50:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © October 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl
Tree haiku #2
Trees let go lightly,
releasing leafy offspring
when fall winds propose
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-11-06 21:13:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
I am having a poetry reading feast over here. I didn't mean to save this all for one
weekend, but there were so many poems I didn't get to comment on and I'm loving this!
The euphony of the sounds is great here with Trees/releasing/leafy.
Theres personification all over the place! First with the "trees letting go",
then with the "leafy offspring" and last but not least with the winds proposing!
This is a most delecate tale of an accepted proposal.
As long as the wind didn't sweep her off her feet! ha
Sorry, couldn't help myself.
Lovely! I'm so glad you're sharing all these lovely Haiku. Or did I already mention that?
Well, I can't help but get excited about it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-02 19:09:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Even though this is about trees, I thought of my eldest starting his Junior year in high school this fall. Sometimes, I feel like the tree and soon I’ll be left bare as my kids go off into the world to find their own lives. At least trees get to do the whole thing over again every year. I wouldn’t survive this again! Hehehe
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-11-01 22:31:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Your October entries are a treasure to me! They inspire me to continue in this field and I “thank you” you for sharing your unquestionable talent! This is a free gift from heaven! I am really enjoying this!
Instantly, you have executed another memorable words and images of your ingenuity. Your choice of words is just right and perfect! No one can think and can construct like this but only you. Your pen is doing wonders again. Again, your words, your subject (I’m beginning to enjoy “Trees”), your imagination are serenading my heart and my thoughts. And effectively, they have imprisoned my consciousness with your charming words. Kudos and kudos!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-10-25 11:50:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I think the reiteration in "let go".../"releasing..."
detracts from the strength of the piece.
You should need only once to impose that image on the piece. Say something else.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-22 19:19:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.96078
trees pregnantly wait
a patient dilating wind
oh well thats another quick take from me, always tough resisting haikuing a haiku
Thanks for letting me read and play.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2004-10-15 15:36:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Hi Joanne, dear friend,
I think I might say leafy offsprings, [offsprings-describing the leaf]
instead of leafy offspring........[the offspring of the leaf]
I don't quite know the english rule so to speak.
But hopefully you understand what I'm saying.
I like the way the word means off Spring.....a also springing off the tree.
It's a clever usage.
I like the winds propose. I guess the winds do ask the leaf to let go/surrender.
Propose their purpose.
You do a nice job and you get everyone thinking.
Be warm in the sun and powerful!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-10-14 18:56:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Love the Haiku! I especially like fall winds as a
suitor, to whom the tree releases its leafy
offspring when offered a proposal....unique, inventive and
interesting take on a familiar autumn scene.
Thanks for sharing this refreshing work.
Always your friend,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-13 03:06:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Joanne--It's just what I was afraid of: a closeted haiku ARTIST-smile. No
fooling, this may be the GOODEST so far! Personification perfection! The
vivid imagery created by this seasonal/nature piece is not only magnificent,
but superbly analogous: a compelling comparison of "father giving away their
daughter when suitor ask for hand in marriage." Thanks for the vision. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-12 21:11:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Ahh Joanne-you've done it again, and a bit trickier this time. On first read I thought it lesser than the first, but looking closer, I found that same subtle brilliance but in a different guise. Here, it is not until the last line that true meaning hits home. Very clever, and the mark of great poetry. Love "when fall winds propose"--my humble offering:
Fickle are the trees,
Eloping with the first winds
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-12 19:09:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41667
You must be working up a haiku collection. It's not a bad idea. I love the fact that you are able to carry such breezy, easy tone in these haiku. The words have been chosen ever so carefully hear to deliver just the right tone for just the right time of year.
You give so much attention to the details with such a small window of opportunity. Now that's poetic talent. That's a gift. Again, I like how you personify nature through the trees. You have turned this yearly feat into something humanly natural, a releasing of offspring.
I wonder if this was inspired by the poem written about the parents who watched their daugther leave for college in the fall (posted on the link this month I believe). Your haiku reminds me of that poem.
Very great, powerful thoughts surface in this piece. Releasing offspring is necessary when the time comes, and I think that your poem speaks of a truth that all parents both animal and human and nature could identify with. Excellent.
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