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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2005-01-11 01:21:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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verse 68 (Parents)

From her womb we came From his hands we were molded From them we become

This Poem was Critiqued By: Kelly Denise LaBeff On Date: 2005-02-07 00:15:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92982
Poet Erzahl, Isn't it amazing how so little can be said in three lines? This is a Haiku, correct, or there's another 5-7-5 three line verse, too, but I can't remember the name of it..nevertheless, it takes true talent being able to express a thought of nature like this with so few words, you did it, plus you kept true to the poetic form required, which is another excellent virtue on your behalf. Yes, from Him and her we came and together we ARE,,,,uniquely expressed...Supreme theme! Brava Poet! TY for sharing, Kelly

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2005-01-27 07:32:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
Dear Erzahl, This has a prayer like tone that I really enjoy. A solid truism from first to last word. Your effort in this piece outstanding, you are without a doubt our Haiku wizard. I can't even talk "short" so you know where that leaves me and Haiku. It has been amazing to watch your skill unfold, because frankly, your first Haiku and your present are of like quality, obviously, this is what you will become FAMOUS for. I studied the last line, thinking it might read better as "From them we come", but have decided that your choice actully works best. My first reading of this brought two parent images to mind, those of my mother and father, and also the striking image of Mary and our Lord in the manger scene for with the birth of Christ came the promise of "rebirth" and salvation for those of us who believe. This may not be what you intended at all but just a misreading on my part. Still, it is lovely and thought provoking and I am happy to find it to start my day off right. Good luck this month. My very best, Wanda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-01-25 18:08:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Erzal, I think you should try another form of poetry. You have very deep thoughts you could expound on. And give more of yourself! Just a thought.' Now that you 'got this down'.......go on to more......and more. good poem/good imagination. dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2005-01-24 16:49:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You know from this haiku I precieve a double meaning, the first straight foreward Mother bears the child, Father teaches life's lessons, and beause of Both combination we are who we are. Yet the second preception is Mary who bore Jesus, God the almighty formed and pronounced the reason, and because of both dieties we are what we are. So I get a human understanding with deep religious undertones, at any rate either, is correct, and the reader decides what connation is best applied. Best E., my regards always Jo Mo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-01-24 09:06:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80952
Mother, father, child, so simply stated and from the heart.... From her womb we came, indeed and I am expecting a grandchild in April and my daughter just shared her latest ultra sound pictures with me this week........a beautiful little boy is growing within his mother's womb ...... molded from his hands, the hands of a father with his love for his wife, creating one of the Lord's most blessed gifts a child......thus From them we become....... Loved this one my friend. Thank you for posting, sharing your gift with us......be safe, stay warm though i tend to think you are in a warmer climate then I........Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-01-15 20:48:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
I am having trouble with the last line. Should it be "from them we became" or maybe From them we come." Ending with become leaves me flat 'cause I ask, "become what?" Anyway Master, over to you.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-01-13 01:12:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Yes Erzahl, this is where we are from. You put it simply and quaintly in this short poem, but I think that your words carry a lot of meaning. You speak of something poetically about which many of us may take for granted, until something happens. "From her womb we came" This is not only just a telling line, but it's filled with alliteration and assonance, great poetic devices to use in haiku and other short forms. The w's and r's and o sounds make this line come alive, and it's more than what it appears to be. It sounds beautiful and meaningful. "From his hands we were molded" Again, in this line there are the h and w sounds. But you take us to the other part of the equation. When we think of women, we think of wombs, but when speaking in terms of fathers, we speak of hands. I think this line is so important, and I think it makes a grave illustration on societal norms. It's believed in many traditions that fathers have the duty of shaping the lives of the children. Women were gifted by God to be able to bring life into the world, but men have the ultimate gift of being able to make his seed into something good or bad. "From them we become" . . . This last line brings it all together. This is very appropriate subject matter for a haiku. Both mother and father make children who they are and what they become. No one can be denied. Without mothers, there can be not fathers. And without fathers, there often is no production or maturing of the seed. There is no line 3 (smile). Thanks for sharing. You have a wonderful way of bringing life in your haiku This one took me beyond, and made me think even more on the beauty of birth and parenting and life. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-01-12 13:30:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Erzahl--This piece takes the reader(s) through critical stages of traditional human life: from initial birth involving a mother and with God's hands shaping enity leading to the final line which gives credence to the statement: "It takes a whole village to raise a child." You've once again limned a great Japanese Verse (Senryu). TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-01-11 17:10:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl, you speak to a difficult to stress ideal, that of mother/father and one as parents. I think you did a laudable job. This piece speaks many more words than those written, and the pictures are clear. verse 68 (Parents) From her womb we came – Of course, this short line covers the conception, the pregnancy, the travail and the beauty of creation. “Womb” itself adds an additional meaning of the mothers “care and comfort” throughout life, subsequent to the birth. The mothers arms, are the nurturing is a post-birth parallel to the growth within the wound. From his hands we were molded – I like this line. Too often everyone wants to make the man and woman androgynous. It is not only wrong, it is not “natural”. You allow the man to be “strength” but still allow his “nurturing” as a complimentary, not an identical, support for the child/teen/adult. From them we become – A great “ending/beginning” leaving no doubt that the product of the parents, are the children’s characters beheld. Whatever we all are, our parents have a stake in getting us there, and I might add, for better, and for the parents who don’t “nurture” lesser. And excellent piece. Well done!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-01-11 16:39:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Erzahl, What a tremendous amount of wisdom you stated in three lines! from her womb we came......having given birth to three children I often wonder if those who don't or can't give birth really understand what an absolute miracle it really is. From the moment of conception that new little soul is growing and feasting from the mother's strength. I can still remember what the first sign of movement feels like...just like the flutter of butterfly wings. From that moment on that child is cherished like no other person you may encounter in your life. from his hands we were molded...I pondered this line for some time and I think it can be read in two ways...the way you intended...to be molded, formed, taught, encouraged, disciplined, and loved. by your biological father or.... it could be from His hands....as all those things apply to God, as well...who is our heavenly Father from them we become.............yes we do...we are what they make us...with the genes they pass on and the enviorment in which we live but most of all how they teach us how to make good decisions, persue our dreams, always look ahead and not back, and how to love each other. All that may sound like a simple task but it is such an overwhelming job to raise children and you never know if you have done a good job or not until they grow up! Another delightful verse from your mind and pen. Peace....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-01-11 15:55:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl: This tribute to parents is wonderfully limned. This brief form certainly can contain great volumes of meaning in the hands of our Haiku King. <smile> From her womb we came From his hands we were molded From them we become It simply and reverently states the ideal growth of an infant in the mother's womb who is then molded by the father, and becomes that person's best potential from the care given by both. In many instances where only one parent is present, we can see the influences of other important men in the child's life, such as an uncle or grandparent. I can also imagine this poem as a personification of the universe (her womb) with action by the Creator (his hands) upon it, to create humanity and the planets and stars. Naturally I am drawn to this interpretation. In any event, this is a piquant reflection that we are "from" other than ourselves, that we owe what we become to those who have given us our place of growth and experience. Wonderfully done, once more! My best always, Joanne

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