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This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-03-11 12:56:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Vow

Missing him won't explain away this craving for syncopation his heartbeats in me the common denominator of twice my likeness absent from my flesh alive in my spirit longing won't bring him back to me now so I spread these wings realizing the vow

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-03-29 23:02:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Latorial, I've always try to write my honest impressions, especially when responding to your poetry. Well my first impression is that this is beautiful, both visually and in it's intent. I just like it. LOL Boy I'm really being "deep" here. LOL Can't help it. Let's look a little deeper, though, at the risk of being completely wrong, but pulling back so as not to get to close to such a personal work. In order to do that I will think of my wife as having written this about me, even though the possibilities are endless in terms of how this relationship could be viewed. Your title, "The Vow", brings to my mind a life long commitment between husband and wife. Something that is viewed sacred by both parties. This could also refer to many different things, but the point I guess I'm trying to make is that you chose this word, because of it's connotations regarding serious commitment. Missing him won't explain away this craving for syncopation his heartbeats in me Isn't neat to love somebody so much that the state of remembrance, brought about by their absence, is not enough to sate that longing to be again close to them. You state this eloquently. You just need to be with that person forever. I see this as reflecting back to title. the common denominator of twice my likeness absent from my flesh alive in my spirit My wife and I are so close in our relationship that I take the meaning of this stanza literally. Whether we are separated or not, I can feel a spiritual connection to her. I could almost tell you what she ordered for lunch halfway around the world. LOL longing won't bring him back to me now so I spread these wings realizing the vow The spreading of the wings shows movement and freedom, but the vow is still realized and kept. Personally, I didn't need the last line of this stanza, as it goes without saying, but poetically it works well. Beautiful exact writing. Thank you Latorial, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-26 23:48:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72222
Latorial, this is a powerful piece that speaks to us all. You leave the genesis of the “Vow” as a generic regard. This allows all of us to place ourselves into your verse. Well done. The Vow – We wonder at all the “vows” we live with, those shared and unshared. Your title prepares us for the potency of conviction. Missing him won't explain away this craving for syncopation his heartbeats in me - That craving, when what was separate, became one, and then separated can never be one again, or at least without dealing with the loss of half. I know the need for that “syncopation” and when I read your words I could only nod, and be glad of survival. the common denominator of twice my likeness – I wondered at these lines, then settled on this, that once one becomes an amalgam of two, merged to one, there is a certain mirror image of both together. Away from that, the likeness no longer is sustained. absent from my flesh alive in my spirit – Latorial, you explain the malady well, of “flesh”, and “living”, and “spirit”, and loss, the “absence” that is the “commonality” of the union. longing won't bring him back to me now so I spread these wings realizing the vow – Once again we are returned to the Vow. I spent little time deciding what the “VOW” was to you, rather took your verse and made it a prescient part of “vows” that occurred within my life. “Spreading the wings”, and realizing. I wonder how separated that “realization” was from the vow itself, and if it is possible, even with healing, not to regard the loss, without regard. An excellent piece Latorial, I enjoyed the depth and perception of your “heartbeat”.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-03-24 16:26:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.23077
Latorial Hi, I'm unsure of the vow. It's one you both made to love each other forever, but if ones gone to live fully alone. This is the idea I get. This poem expresses your deep love for him and how he's actually part of you. with each heartbeat you feel his soul and you miss him so. if two could be one, that's what it would be. I feel your love and your poem shares the emotion with the reader. How can a writing do more? Good heartfelt job. Fly high my dear... Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-03-20 09:39:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57895
Latorial--The ensuing verbiage aptly speak volumes of scribe’s emotional attach- ment and devotion to her distanced significant other. Even if I didn’t know that your “other half” is serving our country in uniform in ‘some foreign land’, I would still realize through the title this terse poem is about fidelity and all it entails. Moreover, protagonist is determined not to feel sorry for herself and indicates a resolve to use her independence during this interim; “Longing won’t bring him back to me now so I spread these wings realizing the vow” This (IMO) should be posted where it can receive wider readership (for those in similar situations) especially, military personnel. Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt personal piece. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-16 10:02:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13636
Poet.......again you have created much thought with your words....to some perhaps you will speak of a husband, your life's mate in which marriage vows might have taken place, a separation due to the time we live in perhaps, of letting go, but to me with this image you created I feel the closeness of perhaps a brother/sister/twin even/ a likeness like yourself and that some time you made a vow and this is what you are now keeping........absent from my flesh alive in my spirit.....good structure, word flow and images.......thank you for posting, sharing this with us....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-03-13 15:32:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.88889
Brevity seems to be your forte (I wish I had an accent egue on this writer). That's fortay as one says it out loud. Anyway, The vow has meaning to you which is admirable. I "assume" that you are talking of your husband whom I hope is not in danger. Two hearbeats as one...syncopation...yes, lovely. Thanks for this revealing piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-03-12 06:06:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Latorial, Once again, the power of poetry (to say so much in just a handful of words) has been re-inforced. This poem speaks powerfuly and soulfuly about the curse of separation and the difficulty of striking a peaceful and balanced compromise between physical distance and spiritual closeness. There is a longing for the poet to have the love of her life with her in person even though she is confident that he is with her in her heart. The emotion is a difficult one to comprehend for the power of sight and touch are as powerful and do much to secure a person. Distance in that sense, is vague. This conflict is well brought out when the poet says 'absent from my flesh, alive in my spirit' and it is this line (i feel) that holds the poem's central theme together. There is a lot going on here Latorial and the piece was very well-written as the reader is immediately drawn in to explore the depths of the poet's emotions. I especially liked the line 'the common denominator of twice my likeness'. Aptly titled 'the vow', the poem ends with the poet realizing that mere longing builds no physical and it is the spirit which holds this absence together 'for better or for verse'. I could also analyse this from another point, with special reference to the last line. The spreading of the wings could also mean that the poet has had enough and seeks to move on, sadly remembering and leaving behind the vow. But this might not be likely. Very well written Latorial. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2005-03-11 18:22:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Latorial, Within the first beats of the first breath of poem, you echo the rythyms of a heart, work - rest -work -rest.... in the work the words are strong and at rest they are soft, quiet, words at peace with their place. Vows are not understood or appreciated by everyone and this seems a holy vow, to some higher purpose, to a spiritual realm either from a past relationship or that purely spiritual link to your Lord. I enjoy the play of metaphore in the second stanza giving us reference to the value of the one who drew from you this vow. missing... longing... speak to the action and to the emotion, but they do so much more through a poetic realization of their potential. This has a personal import to me as the value of a vow goes beyond the words, beyond the emotion to the heart of the matter. You speak eloquently to this, with simplicity and power, by not overstating, by pruning the excess and leaving us with a poem that expresses your personal strength and purpose. A wonderful expression of an idea.... Lynda The Vow Missing him won't explain away this craving for syncopation his heartbeats in me the common denominator of twice my likeness absent from my flesh alive in my spirit longing won't bring him back to me now so I spread these wings realizing the vow

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-03-11 16:22:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Latorial, This lovely piece has an air of finality about it that worries me. I believe you are writing about your husband and I hope he is just away from you for a short time...hopefully not in Iraq. You have packed so much emotion into this terse poem..a longing for your soul mate....'the common denominator of twice my likeness (beautiful) absent from my flesh alive in my spirit'...I know this feeling and it just grows stronger with each passing day...'longing won't bring him back to me now so I spread these wings realizing the vow'...'for better or worse'...yes we are stuck with that no matter how far apart we are...but then would we have it any other way? 'syncopation of his heartbeats in me' this line, so poetically written, personifies your constant longing for him. I do hope you are together again soon...this is lovely and brings back so many memories to me. Blessings...Marilyn

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