Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-03-18 10:53:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Whirlwinds and Tornados

My emotions run the gamut From playful whirlwinds that ruffle my hair and steal my hat To horrendous tornadoes that seize me with a deafening roar and hurl me about Laughing as they careen off leaving me for dead Unfortunately for me The window is either open or closed The door locked or off its hinges I have no screen or storm cellar I just take my chances Still, it beats the alternative

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-07 13:45:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42105
Are you bi-polar? Okay, maybe none of my business but you know I am a Psychiatric Nurse?! The two characteristics of Depression, low lows to highs and well exemplified in your opening lines. I'm not sure of which alternative you are talking about. Death or life without or with the proper medication. I sure hope it's the latter. P.S.: You spelt tornados as tornadoes in the fifth line. Thank you for being so open with this.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-03-29 23:26:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Kenneth, I'm not laughing at you right now, but I'm laughing at me. My house seems to have the same problems as your own, but I prefer your metaphor over anything else I've read describing the emotional roller coaster ride I take through life's park each day. My emotions run the gamut From playful whirlwinds that ruffle my hair and steal my hat To horrendous tornadoes that seize me with a deafening roar and hurl me about Laughing as they careen off leaving me for dead My day was going fine today and then I almost had to fire somebody. It started as a whirlwind and ended as a tornado. The funny thing is that after I was ready to "do what had to be done", I found out that the circumstances on which I was going to fire this employee were completely wrong and it was my wife's fault. LOL The supper table was hopping tonight. Regarding your poem, the whirlwind transition to tornado is so accurate in symbolizing how fast the state of one's emotion can change. All I'm trying to say is that those winds blew both ways for me today. LOL After the wind ride I felt drained and left "for dead". Unfortunately for me The window is either open or closed The door locked or off its hinges I have no screen or storm cellar I just take my chances I like how you couple the whirlwind metaphor with the metaphor of the home keeping everything personal symbolically. It works well together. A natural progression of thought. This stanza just cracks me up though. I got to tell you, the last line, "I just take my chances" tops it. It's really how I feel most days. Still, it beats the alternative Of course, the alternative is boring and lacks emotion. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for taking the time to write this Kenneth, it provided me an opportunity to laugh at myself. Maybe I will take your poem to work and put it under the glass on my desk. I imagine you are an expert kite flier, lol! Goodnight, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-03-24 09:22:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29412
Wow my friend what a powerful piece.........like the title so befitting the words chosen to represent such forces in your life.......and the words used bring forth the life of it all together, one sees and hears the spinning sounds of the tornado as it grabs you, holding on, pulling you in so many different directions at the same time and yet.......it beats the alternative......great ending poet.......I feel your faith does sustain you poet and that the chances you take are guarded by His love......thanks for posting and sharing, be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-03-22 16:36:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44000
Hi Kenneth, have I ever enjoyed your poem..your use of the wind to characterize you emotions and your descriptives are really clear and jump off the page. From whirlwinds to tornadoes they fly, but no inbetween!! This is quite a description of your emotions and how they seem to take over you without control as you fully explain in "Unfortunately for me The window is either open or closed The door locked or off its hinges I have no screen or storm cellar" this is an excellent description of how that must seem , and then your last 2 lines sum this up so well..in an surrendering tone.."I just take my chances Still, it beats the alternative"..I like the way you have written this in everyday clear language, very powerful little piece of writing..thanks for sharing! Nancy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-03-19 16:03:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
Kenneth, it is difficult not to get on and ride out the storm with you. Too much of what you say is quite familiar, and although, for the most part, I am not in the maelstrom at this time in my life, there is much I dread and desire of the passions involved. Whirlwinds and Tornados – Two of a common birth, yet quite different in their effects. I think that at first, one would say, I can survive the whirlwinds, but they are so much more common, maybe their effect is actually greater... My emotions run the gamut From playful whirlwinds that ruffle my hair and steal my hat To horrendous tornadoes that seize me with a deafening roar and hurl me about – You, in this analogy, this allegory, if you will, you place the human soul into the probability or possibility beyond the control of the individual. I know we can run, but why don’t we, we can ignore it, but we don’t, and its power is predictable- while the cellar waits, but we watch and partake, you catch destiny at work, in the individual, who is not fallow to the gamble. Laughing as they careen off leaving me for dead – Here is the moment of quiet. We lift our heads, and nod, amazed that we are not dead, and love/hate or the promise/reality, they laugh, but their is depth to the soul, for one who wishes to hang on. Unfortunately for me The window is either open or closed The door locked or off its hinges I have no screen or storm cellar I just take my chances – Once again, we are visited by the next choice/deliverance/hindrance, love or not, hope or not, and we move forward, the chances are better than no feelings at all, to care is better than being barren. Still, it beats the alternative- Kenneth, I agree, and you have given us all a view that is true. There are those, I know, whose vision has been pristine, at least they tell me that, but I have never seen the power of the soul in their eyes, one must know that power, to sing or weep the melody. Thanks for sharing, really enjoyed this piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-03-19 15:31:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.83333
Ken, As high up is as low down as you go. Your spectrum is vast. Whirlwinds must be high and tornadoes low. Pretty 'right on' title. I like the lightness as ruffling your hair. The toronadoes tossing you around leaving you for dead doesn't seem quite so fun. It seems you have no safe harbor. So your basically 'hung out'on the clothesline of life taking what comes and dealing with it. You are pretty much right, that's whats happening. Noone wants to admit to it, it's scary and depressing cause we can't control the weather...and it does beat the alternative of being dead. this poem is flavor-full of being in typhoon country. even your high time is involved with whirlwind. I think I'd not capitalize my words, only at a sentence start. The first stanza could actually be one sentence. I think your poem was clear, showing your dilema of emotional flow. Good job, thoughtful, enjoyable to get into anothers mind. I'd hang onto my hat, in that country! dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-03-19 00:03:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Kenneth, I especially identified with this piece and it's sense of adventure, risk-taking and excitement. Aptly titled 'Whirlwinds and Tornados', this piece is at once gusty, taking the reader on a wind-blown ride through the poet's thoughts and emotions as he pens this down. There is no room for middle-ground here. 'The window is either open or closed, The door locked or off its hinges'. 'I just take my chances' - the poet is obviously one who acts out of instinct, at the spot of the moment. And as the last line ('still, it beats the alternative')puts it, there is nothing better than taking one's chances in life than sitting by and watching the world go by. The use of whirlwinds and tornados, I feel, was a good way of projecting what you wish to here. Both have been known to cause fury and to build excitement (tornado watcher clubs). They arouse a sense of anxiety and put one at the risk of being destroyed. It's like a scene out of a tornado weather broadcast replete with poetic symbolism. The use of the word 'unfortunate' in the first verse does grab my attention since it contrasts with 'still, it beats the alternative). I sense the use of a hint of sarcasm in the use of the word 'unfortunate', directed at those who do not take their chances and sit by and wait. Kenneth, this was a well-written piece, with a smooth flow, vivid imagery and audio (the whistling of the tornados and whirlwinds). Like all good poetry, there is a deepr meaning here and you choice of setting has done well to let us know more about you....and ourselves. Are we taking our chances?? This is a question a lot of us will be asking ourselves. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-03-18 11:27:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Kenneth--This single punctuated enjambing/run-on piece is a super quick read while presenting some dark-humored (if fictious) vivid imagery. Great meta- phors for trails and tribulations of a troubled life. Although the ending is redeeming, I only hope the overall theme/tone is the hyperbolic imagination of this scribe/protagonist superb poetical mind; "Still, it beats the alternative IMO, an almost Poe like piece. Keep writing. TLW

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!